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THE 


VISIONS  OF  QUEVEDO. 


TRANSLATED  FROM  THE  SPANISH. 


BY  WM.  ELLIOT,  ESQ. 


PHILADELPHIA: 

LITERARY  ROOMS,  121  CHESNUT  STREET 
HENRY    H.  PORTER,  PROPRIETOR. 

1832. 


/V 


r? 


SSnteret!  according  to  the  Act  of  Congress,  in  the 
year  1831,  by  Henry  H.  Porter,  in  the  Clerk's  Office 
of  the  District  Court,  of  the  Eastern  District  of  Penn- 
sylvania. 


■    Pep  6 CI n,^ 


PREFACE. 


The  Translator  of  the  Visions  of  Quevedo,  can  truly 
Bay,  that  the  pleasure  he  himself  derived  from  their  pe- 
rusal in  the  original,  alone  gave  him  the  idea  of  trans- 
lating them  into  English.  It  is  believed  by  the  w^riter 
of  this  article,  that  the  present  is  the  only  English 
translation  of  the  Visions  of  Quevedo,  although  they 
have  been  translated  into  many  other  languages,  and 
into  French  no  fewer  than  five  several  times  by  as 
many  different  authors :  the  last  of  which,  that  has 
fallen  under  his  notice,  was  published  at  Paris  in  1812, 
the  plan  of  which  has  been  followed  in  the  present 
version.  The  advertisement  to  that  edition,  contains . 
the  following  just  remarks — "The  Visions,  are  re- 
garded as  the  most  piquant  production,  that  ever  came 
from  the  fruitful  and  ingenious  pen  of  Quevedo,  one  of 
the  best  Spanish  writers.  In  general,  the  criticisms 
th^y  present,  although  mixed  with  some  tedious  detail, 
have  much  point,  and  do  not  fail  in  their  application  at 
the  present  day."  It  is  hoped  the  reader  will  conde- 
scend to  excuse  any  inaccuracies  that  have  escaped 
the  translator's  attention,  and  realize  fi-om  the  perusal 
entertainment  sufficient  to   recompense  him  for  his 

time." 

A2  5 


274548 


CONTENTS. 


Notice  of  the  Life  of  Quevedo, 7 

'       Night  First ...  The  DemonA  ^AW»i^Ai '.  ...  11"^ 

*    Night  Second . . .  Death  and  her  Palace, 33 

'    Night  Third. . .  The  Last  Judgment,'-'^JL  JLa  *  .  .  56'' 
Night  Fourth . . .  The  Country  and  the  Palace  of 

Love, 70-/, 

Night  Fifth  ...  The  World, 84  >/ 

^     Night  Sixth  ...  Hell,   ....  ...fr'-^av  *V  .  ...    101  j 

Night  Seventh  . . .  Reformation  of  Hell,  .....    146 

6 


NOTICE 


OF  THE 


LIFE  OF  aUEVEDO. 


Fkacois  de  Quevedo  de  Villegas,  a  Spanish  gen- 
tleman, and  knight  of  the  order  of  Saint  James,  was 
bom  in  1570,  at  Villa  Nueva  de  I'lnfantado;  and  not 
at  Madrid,  as  has  been  asserted  by  Moreri,  and  repeat- 
ed after  him  in  the  Historical  Dictionary  of  Lyons. 
He  was  lord  of  Juan  Abbate,  in  the  province  of  La 
Mancha,  an  estate  of  which  he  bore  the  title.  After 
ha%ang  ^•isited  Italy,  France,  and  all  Spain,  and  render- 
ed the  most  signal  services  to  the  Spanish  ministry, 
he  took  up  his  residence  at  Madiid. 

During  his  stay  at  court,  he  devoted  himself  to  study 
and  composition:  being  considered  the  most  "polished 
writer  of  liis  time,  and  one  who  united  in  himself  the 
greatest  versatility  of  talent.  The  taste  of  Quevedo 
naturally  inclined  him  to  fictitious  composition.     En- 


8  JJCTICJ?  OF  THE 

dowed  with  keen  perceptions,  a  vi\ad  imagination,  and 
rapidity  of  invention,  he  is  not  indebted  to  the  drudgery 
of  research,  and  other  men's  thoughts  for  his  immortal 
productions :  depending  solely  upon  his  own  resources, 
he  was  emphatically  an  original  writer. 

The  author  of  the  Spanish  Library,  expresses  him- 
self of  Quevedo,  in  the  following  terms :  "  He  knew 
how  to  reconcile  the  gravest  studies  with  pleasantries 
and  wit.  His  style  is  embellished  with  the  ornaments 
of  an  adroitly  managed  application:  he  has  so  much 
finesse,  such  an  immense  fund  of  invention,  of  ideas  as 
novel  as  ingenious^ — so  much  soft  and  delicate  irony  : 
he  imderstands  so  well,  whether  in  verse  or  prose,  how 
to  sketch  with  facility  a  pleasant  or  ridiculous  subject, 
tliat  among  gay  v^rriters  there  is  not  one  comparable  to 
him.  Nervous  and  sublime  in  heroic  poetry,  graceful 
in  lyric  verse,  full  of  wit  and  gaiety  in  his  sportive 
works,  his  genius  illuminates  the  weakest  subjects." 

His  poetical  effusions  have  been  very  much  sought 
after.  Nicholas  Antonio,  an  excellent  critic,  says, 
also,  that  in  the  higher  walks  of  poetry,  he  has  force 
and  sublimity.  His  luxuriant  imagination  carried 
him  alternately  to  both  sacred  and  profane  verse.  He 
wrote  divers  religious  treatises,  and  many  essays  ex- 


LIFE    OF    QUEVEDO.  9 

tremely  amusing,  besides  translations  in  verse  and 
prose.  He  published,  among  other  works,  the  Spa- 
nish  Panassus,  and  the  novel  known  by  the  name  of 
the  Sharper, 

His  works  have  been  published  in  four  volumes 
folio,  and  in  eleven  volumes  octavo.  They  comprise, 
under  the  title  of  Dreams  or  Visions,  divers  works  of 
his,  pubUshed  at  different  times,  in  various  places,  and 
with  different  titles. 

Quevedo,  in  his  old  age,  was  very  infirm ;  and,  at 
an  advanced  period  of  his  life,  was  imprisoned  by  order 
of  Count  d'Olivarez,  for  a  libel  upon  his  administration, 
in  which  situation  he  remained  till  the  death  of  the 
minister.  He  died  at  Villa  Nueva  de  I'lnfantado,  the 
place  of  his  birth,  on  the  eighth  day  of  Septemper,  1645. 


I 

i 


THE 


VISIONS  OF   aUEVEDO. 


FIRST    NIGHT. 

THE    DEMON. 

The  prayers  of  the  church  being  considered 
as  the  most  efficacious  remedies  that  can  be 
employed  against  the  possession  of  the  devil, 
a  malady  almost  invincible,  some  wealthy  in- 
habitants of  the  country  had  brought  into  this 
city  of  Seville,  one  of  their  relations,  who  was 
thus  afflicted,  to  confide  his  cure  to  a  religious 
of  renowned  sanctity ;  or,  in  other  words,  for 
the  purpose  of  having  him  exorcised.  On  the 
day  assigned  for  this  operation,  the  possessed 
was  carried  to  the  church  of  the  Cordeliers, 
which  very  soon  overflowed  with  spectators. 
The  gates  ha\dng  been  shut  before  my  aiTival, 
I  engaged  a  religious  of  my  acquaintance  to 
admit  me.     He  introduced  me  by  the  gate  of 

,     11 


12  THE    DEMON. 

the  monastery ;  but  I  had  no  sooner  entered 
the  church,  than  I  had  reason  to  repent  my 
curiosity :  I  was  hustled  by  the  crowd,  and 
overcome  with  tlie  heat.  Tliere  my  regards 
were  attracted  by  an  unhappy  wretch,  of  an 
ill  figure,  with  wild  eyes  and  dishevelled  gar- 
ments, his  hands  bound  behind  his  back,  and 
uttering'  from  time  to  time  the  most  friohtful 
yells.  There  was  much  impatience  testified 
to  behold  this  holy  priest,  of  whom  I  have 
spoken,  whose  name  was  Juan  de  Cardanas, 
father  of  Barnadino  de  Cardanas,  Capuchin, 
and  Bishop  of  Paragua,  in  America.  After 
the  performance  of  mass,  he  found  himself  so 
much  indisposed,  that  they  were  obliged  to 
postpone  the  exorcism  till  another  day.  I 
was  not  sorry ;  for,  not  partaking  in  the  cre- 
dulity of  the  people,  who  often  impute 
epileptical  complaints  to  the  operation  of  de- 
mons, I  had  for  a  long  time  been  desirous  of 
personally  verifying  those  things  they  relate 
concerning  the  possessions  of  the  devil.  I 
lost  no  time  in  visiting  the  relations  of  this 
unhappy  person,  wliom  I  shrewdly  suspected 
had  recourse   to   this    adroit  method  to  rid 


THE    DEMON.  13 

themselves  of  the  inconvenience  of  certain 
pecadilloes  he  had  been  engaged  in.  I  inspir- 
ed them  with  sufficient  confidence  to  obtain 
permission  to  visit  their  lodgings  the  follow- 
ing night,  with  a  view  of  making  such  an  ex- 
amination as  I  should  judge  proper.  I  pre- 
ferred this  time  to  any  other,  that  I  might  the 
better  conceal  the  defeat  of  my  enterprize  if 
it  should  not  succeed. 

The  night  being  come,  I  was  introduced 
into  the  chamber  of  the  possessed  whom 
they  had  placed  upon  a  bed  in  such  a  manner 
that  he  could  not  rise.  The  presence  of  his 
friends  prevented  me  from  the  proposition  of 
certain  questions  I  had  meditated.  The  fol- 
lowing will  serve  as  a  sample  : 

Is  it  possible  to  find  out  the  philosopher's 
stone  ? 

Can  the  quadrature  of  the  circle  be  disco- 
vered ? 

Is  there  an  universal  panacea  for  every  dis- 
ease ? 

Is  there  among  herbs,  any  simples  which 
can  inspire  love  in  women,  or  protect  from 
blows  and  wounds  ? 

B 


14  THE    DEMON. 

I  had  put  in  writing  some  other  objects  of 
my  curiosity ;  but  as  it  was  not  a  convenient 
time  to  propound  them,  I  began  to  feel  the 
pulse  of  the  possessed.  It  was  frequent  and 
elevated :  from  time  to  time  his  eyes  were 
troubled ;  and  he  had  convulsive  movements, 
from  which  he  suffered  very  much. 

After  having  examined  his  body,  I  ex- 
amined his  mind,  speaking  to  him  in  Greek, 
Hebrew,  Turkish,  Indian,  and  even  in  the 
Mexican  tongue.  He  answered  me  always 
very  appropriately  in  Spanish,  which  con- 
vinced me  that  he  was  in  truth  possessed  with 
a  devil ;  for  although  he  spake  not  all  lan- 
guages, he  nevertheless  understood  them, 
which  could  not  naturally  happen  without 
study  or  travel.  His  relations  assured  me  he 
had  done  neither  the  one  nor  the  other. 

I  demanded  of  the  demon,  what  name  he 
had  in  hell  ? 

He  answered,  "that  he  had  no  other  ap- 
pellation than  that  of  the  employment  which 
he  exercised  in  the  world :  that  he  had  been 
for  a  long  time  in  the  service  of  an  alguazil,  in 
whom   he    inspired   all    the    chicanery    and 


THE    DEMON.  15 

t 

wickedness    with    which   he    plagued   poor 
people." 

Let  us  remark  here,  that  the  word  alguazil 
is  borrowed  from  the  Moresco  tongue,  and 
signifies  in  Spanish,  a  constable,  a  cryer,  a 
clerk,  or  other  subaltern  of  justice. 

"  Why,"  said  I  to  the  demon,  "  are  you 
entered  into  the  body  of  this  man  ?" 

"  Because  he  was  himself  an  alguazil,  and 
a  person  of  a  licentious  life.  After  having 
been  banished  from  his  paternal  home,  finding 
himself  necessitous,  he  associated  with  algua- 
zils  to  extort  money,  under  pretence  of  exe- 
cuting the  decrees  of  justice,  and  in  the  arrest 
of  bodies,  which  he  often  abandoned  for  small 
sums.  It  was  in  the  execution  of  this  busi- 
ness, that  he  stole  a  silver  cup  from  the  house 
of  a  country  curate,  and  subtracted  a  purse  of 
one  hundred  ducats  from  the  pocket  of  a  man, 
who,  for  the  stufiT,  was  delivered  from  the 
hands  of  justice." 

I  asked  him  if  there  were  many  of  these 
people  in  hell  ? 

"Very  many,"  answered  he:    "the  con-  ' 
stables  have  neither  honour  nor  conscience ; ' 


16  THE    DEMON. 

they  drive  their  trade  whether  they  know  any 
thing  of  the  matter  or  not :  in  that  particular 
they  resemble  the  poets.  You  shall  scarcely 
find  in  hell,  a  single  poet,  who  will  not  tell 
you  that  he  was  sent  there  on  account  of  the 
versified  lies  he  told  in  praise  of  some  beauty. 
The  poetic  spirit  hath  its  origin  in  the  dispo- 
sition of  the  heart,  to  receive  tender  impres- 
sions :  it  is  the  lover  of  heroism  and  romance  ; 
and  to  sustain  this  character,  must  necessarily 
make  use  of  much  artifice.  The  old  poets 
serve  as  secretaries  to  young  lovers ;  the 
young  ones  are  ambitious  of  blazing  as  the 
heroes  of  their  own  compositions.  There 
are  so  many  poets  in  hell,  that  it  can  hardly 
fail  of  aggrandizing  their  quarter.  I  wish  to 
speak  in  such  a  manner,  that  you  may  com- 
prehend the  nature  of  their  occupations  and 
torments  there  ;  but  of  which  you  cannot  have 
an  adequate  idea,  unless  I  shall  here  adduce 
some  examples  : — 

"  When  these  authors  enter  the  subterra- 
nean abodes,  they  look  around  for  a  Charon, 
a  dog  Cerberus,  a  Rhadamanthus,  a  Pluto, 
and  all  the   infernal  divinities  of  fable.     In 


THE  DEMON.  ^  17 

place  of  that,  the  demons  make  them  realize, 
that  this  is  a  place  much  more  horrible  than 
that:  but  this  is  not  their  severest  punish- 
ment ;  they  are  forced  to  hear  the  composi- 
tions of  other  poets,  who  are  their  superiors 
in  talent ;  then  they  are  tormented  by  jealousy ; 
they  hate  the  epigrams  of  Martial,  the  stanzas 
of  Catullus,  the  odes  of  Horace,  the  beauties 
of  Virgil,  the  satires  of  Juvenal,  the  comedies 
of  Terence,  and  the  tragedies  of  Seneca.  It 
is  thus  also  the  historians  suffer,  when  they 
listen  to  the  histories  of  Herodotus,  of  Titus, 
Livy,  of  Sallust,  and  of  Caesar. 

"What  a  punishment  for  these  rhymsters, 
when  they  recollect  their  own  works  !  You 
cannot  imagine  the  pain  they  experience,  in 
finding  a  felicitous  rhyme,  a  happy  epithet,  a 
just  pause,  or  an  harmonious  cadence :  they 
are  more  tormented  by  an  a  or  an  e,  than  Tan- 
talus is  by  thirst,  or  the  Italians  are  with  their 
jealousy,  when  they  have  Frenchmen  at  their 
houses.  And  the  comic  poets,  how  are  they 
punished,  for  having  filched  away  the  reputa- 
tion of  so  many  princesses  and  queens  of  Cas- 
tile, of  Leon,  of  Arragon,  and  other  places  ! 

b2 


18  THE  DEMON. 

This  is  as  fertile  a  field  for  them,  as  all  the 
wars  of  the  Moors  of  Granada ;  but  for  these 
larcenies,  they  suffer  sharper  agonies  as  Chris- 
tians, than  will  ever  be  inflicted  upon  the  bar- 
barians and  Mohammedans,  for  all  their  battles 
and  burnings,  or  upon  the  alguazils,  even  for 
their  violences  and  exactions. 

"  Behold,  in  review  of  the  subject,"  said  the 
demon,  who  spake  by  the  mouth  of  the  pos- 
sessed, "  there  is  a  much  nearer  resemblance 
between  poets  and  alguazils,  than  one  would, 
at  a  first  glance,  imagine." 
'  "  A  fine  comparison,"  said  I,  "  for  such  a 
false  spirit  as  you  !" 

"  How]"  answered  he,  "  are  not  poets  and 
alguazils  both  thieves  ?  and  if  you  would  but 
confess  it,  you  well  know,  that  in  making 
these  remarks  of  poets,  I  speak  to  a  poet, 
whom  I  wish  to  undeceive.  Do  you  not  re 
collect  the  old  Spanish  proverb.  He  who  never 
composed  tivo  verses,  had  no  wit;  and  he  who 
produced  four,  was  a  fool  V^ 
-  "  I  confess,"  said  I,  "  that  to  be  a  poet,  one 
must  have  an  original  turn  of  imagination ;  and 
the  same  qualification  is  necessary  to  a  painter : 


THE  DEMON.  19 

one  would  find  it  very  difficult  to  assume, 
without  merit,  the  rank  of  Apelles  and  Michael 
Angelo  :  but  as  they  cannot  justly  call  these 
celebrated  artists  so  generally  admired,  fools, 
so  neither  do  I  believe  they  can  accuse  of  folly 
the  great  poets  of  Spain,  of  Italy,  of  France, 
of  Turkey,  of  Persia,  and  of  China :  for  in  all 
these  places  they  have  made  verses," 

"  Yes,"  said  he,  "  and  in  all  these  places 
there  are  fools,  algiiazils,  painters,  astrologers, 
jealous  or  complaisant  husbands,  mountebanks, 
perfumers,  plagiaries,  triflers,  and  slaves  of 
business  or  pleasure.  All  these,  under  pre- 
text of  pleasure  or  justice,  steal,  without  com- 
punction, the  wealth  of  others." 

"  Oh !"  said  I  to  him,  "  I  now  recognize 
in  you  a  true  demon  ;  you  delight  to  lie,  and 
in  crying  out  that  all  who  serve  the  public  rob 
them,  you  enhance  their  reputation.  But  tell 
me  what  robbery  a  magistrate  commits,  when 
he  obeys,  and  wishes  to  compel  others  to  obey, 
the  laws  of  his  prince  ?  when,  in  fine,  he  dis- 
tributes to  every  one  justice  ?  Without  justice, 
which  punishes  and  avenges,  no  one  could  en- 
joy security  in  his  own  house.    A  whole  city 


20  THE  DEMON. 

might  be  given  up  to  pillage,  and  become  more 
horrible  than  the  hell  you  inhabit ;  a  state  of 
things  which  must  excite  a  very  just  indigna- 
tion among  reasonable  people  ;  that  is,  among 
those  who  understand  the  principles  of  order, 
equity,  and  natural  right.  And  what  a  pic- 
ture would  every  family  offer  !  Children  op- 
posing themselves  to  their  fathers,  and  servants 
against  their  masters ;  brothers  would  make 
laws  for  brothers,  and  mothers  have  no  au- 
thority over  their  daughters  !" 
^^  "  Behold,"  said  the  demon,  "  a  superb  de- 
-  scription  of  the  disorder  which  would  happen, 
.  if  the  gentlemen  of  justice  did  not  make  it  their 
duty  to  become  the  first  robbers  !" 

"  Do  you  call  the  pecuniary  penalties  they 
impose,  robbery  ?"  replied  I.  "  They  are  wise- 
ly established  as  a  check  upon  avarice  and 
usury,  which  are  the  ruin  of  families.  The 
fines  they  impose  are  regarded  sometimes  as 
extortions ;  but  they  are  not  so ;  for  if  the 
community  provided  not  for  the  necessities  of 
all,  do  vou  believe  that  individuals  would  fur- 
nish  of  themselves,  what  is  necessary  for  the 
republic  ?  do  you  believe  they  would  contri- 


r^  \  ^^• 


THE  DEMON.  21 


bxite  without  a  demand  ?  There  is  not  among 
the  ofEcers  of  government,  so  much  cupidity 
and  bad  faith,  as  you  charge  them  with.  But 
answer  me :  without  their  assistance,  their  care, 
their  vigilance,  would  there  be  any  security 
to  emperors,  kings,  popes,  and  bishops  in 
their  beds,  or  repose  in  their  dignities  ?" 

"  I  have  not,"  said  the  demon,  "  so  bad  a 
tongue  as  you  believe.  I  know,  truly,  all  the 
affairs  of  the  world,  and  the  state  of  every  con- 
dition in  republics.  In  accusing  the  most  of 
mankind,  I  do  them  no  injustice  :  and  those 
evils  which  you  say  would  happen,  without 
the  assistance  of  those  who  are  appointed  to 
execute  the  laws,  happen  in  spite  of  their  wis- 
dom. The  wo*"st  of  it  is,  they  are  brought 
about  by  those  very  persons  who  are  expected 
to  prevent  it,  and  who  are  paid  for  that  object. 
Whence  has  it  arisen  that  so  many  emperors 
have  been  killed,  so  many  kings  dethroned, 
so  many  popes  declared  anti-popes,  so  many 
bishops  dismissed,  so  many  magistrates  sup- 
pressed, so  many  families  ruined,  so  many 
cities  pillaged,  so  many  provinces  reduced  to 
famine  ?   It  is  by  the  ministers  of  justice,  by 


22  THE  DEMON. 

the  overseers  of  administrations,  that  all  these 
things  are  done,  either  directly  or  indirectly : 
directly,  with  a  view  to  profit  by  the  disorder ; 
or  indirectly,  from  a  culpable  inertness.  How 
do  so  many  officers  of  the  long  robe  contrive 
to  live?  They  lengthen  out  their  robes  with 
the  pieces  they  snatch  from  the  officers  of  the 
short  robes.  A  man  who  goes  to  law,  may 
be  compared  to  him  who  orders  a  coat :  he 
will  have  a  good  coat,  but  yet  not  receive  all 
the  stuff  he  delivered  to  his  tailor.  He  will 
take  enough  for  two,  pair  of  sleeves,  and  two 
fore  parts  ;  he  will  take  twice  as  many  but- 
tons, twice  as  much  silk,  binding,  and  lining, 
as  is  necessary  for  one  garment ;  and  you  shall 
have  but  one,  when  you  ought  to  have  two  out 
of  the  cloth  you  purchased.  A  Spanish  gran- 
dee, wishing  to  have  a  coat  in  the  French 
style,  purchased  as  much  cloth  as  the  tailor 
demanded  of  him,  whom  he  also  left  at  liber- 
ty to  take  as  much  lining,  assorted  to  the  co- 
lour of  the  cloth.  After  they  had  taken  his 
measure,  he  caused  them  to  call  the  tailor, 
and  told  him  that  he  desired  the  lining  of  one 
coat  to  be  red,  and  that  of  the  other  yellow 


THE  DEMOX.  23 

"  '  How,  my  lord,'  said4he  tailor,  'do  you 
wish  me  to  make  two  coats,  when  you  have 
given  me  stuff  but  for  one  ?' 

"  '  Yes ;  I  do  expect  it,'  said  the  grandee ; 
'  and  if  you  do  not  make  them  both  sufficient- 
ly large,  I  will  put  you  in  a  safe  place.' 

"  The  tailor,  who  feared  the  prison^  made 
two  garments  as  long  and  large  as  they  ought 
to  be,  without  purchasing  another  shred  of 
cloth.  When  he  brought  them  home,  the  lord 
caused  all  the  stuff  to  be  measured  by  an  en- 
gineer, in  his  service;  he  found  that  it  yet 
Avanted  half  a  quarter  of  an  ell,  besides  the 
little  pieces  he  was  forced  to  cut  out  for  the 
angles.  This  was  not  all ;  the  Spanish  gran- 
dee, whose  name  I  can  tell  you,  which  was 
Don  Pedro  de  Saccaso,  wished  that  the  mas- 
ter tailor  should  pay  him  for  two  garments, 
which  he  cabbaged  out  of  stuff  he  had  deliv- 
ered him  the  preceding  spring;  and  as  the 
tailor  cried  out  at  this  injustice,  the  grandee 
refused  to  pay  him  for  the  fashion,  lining,  and 
trimming  of  gold  of  these  two  last.  Thus  you 
will  comprehend,"  observed  the  demon,  "  in 
what  particular  the  people  charged  with  the 


24  THE  DEMON. 

administration  of  justice  resemble  tailors,  and 
in  what  manner  they  are  unjust,  even  in  ren- 
dering justice.  In  their  suits  they  generally 
make  certain  pieces  of  meadow  or  vineyard 
the  object  of  contention ;  and  if  the  parties 
complain  of  want  of  money  to  pay  their  fees, 
they  take  from  them  that  which  they  demand 
at  their  tribunal." 

"  So,"  said  I  to  the  demon,  "  there  is  no 
justice  upon  earth !" 

*'  No,  no,  there  is  none,"  added  he  ;  "and 
it  is  not  to-day,  that  for  the  first  time  the  com- 
.  plaint  has  been  uttered.  The  fable  says,  that 
Astrea  being  come  with  truth  among  men,  was 
obliged  to  return  to  heaven,  because  no  person 
would  receive  her.  Truth  met  with  the  same 
fate,  after  having  wandered  through  the  world, 
sometimes  among  the  Egyptians,  sometimes 
among  the  Greeks,  sometimes  among  the  Ro- 
mans, and  sometimes  even  among  the  Chinese ; 
she  was  constrained,  at  length,  to  retire  to  the 
house  of  a  poor  mute,  who  yet,  by  false  and 
equivocal  signs,  gave  her  to  understand  that 
he  wished  to  get  rid  of  her  company.  She 
then  returned  to  the  place  from  whence  she 


THE  DEMON.  25 

came.  Justice  perceiving  they  would  not  tol- 
erate her  in  courts,  among  the  abodes  of 
princes,  in  palaces,  or  great  cities,  fled  into 
the  villages,  where,  however,  she  did  not  tar- 
ry a  long  time  ;  for  the  stewards  of  the  lords, 
that  is,  those  ignorant  stewards  who  seek  but 
to  amass  money  with  which  to  pay  their 
charges,  gave  her  chase,  and  forced  her  to 
regain  her  own  country.  The  beauty  of  As- 
trea,  or  Justice,  resembles  that  of  the  stars — 
shining,  noble,  and  worthy  of  admiration  ;  but 
this  is  only  when  beheld  at  a  distance  ;  for 
were  you  to  approach  too  near  to  a  star,  al- 
though it  appears  to  you  so  diminutive,  it 
would  consume  you  in  an  instant.  Justice  is 
fair,  but  she  is  proud,  austere,  rigid,  inexora- 
ble, and  no  respecter  of  persons  :  she  wishes 
to  be  sought  and  beloved,  but  she  loves  not 
one  friend  more  than  another ;  and  like  love, 
she  travels  a  little  in  the  rear.  Is  it  possible 
to  find  any  thing  more  exact,  more  faithful, 
more  laborious,  more  submissive,  more  com- 
plaisant, than  a  violent  love  ?  It  fails  not  in  the 
minutest  particular ;  it  knows  no  concealment ; 
nothing  aopears  difficult  to  it ;  it  is  always 

C 


.  iS 


26  THE    DEMON. 

ready  to  obey,  accounting  no  toil  disagreeable ; 
in  the  desire,  to  please,  it  finds  every  thing 
just  as  it  wishes.  Justice  does  the  same  in 
another  sense,  for  she  meets  with  exactness 
in  the  slightest  circumstance :  she  is  faithful 
in  the  least  things ;  she  is  laborious,  and  fears 
no  pain ;  she  is  submissive  to  the  laws  which 
she  imposes ;  she  is  complaisant  for  herself, 
and  even  sometimes  appears  unjust,  so  im- 
partial and  rigorous  is  she. 

"I  suppose  then,"  said  I,  "there  are  many 
judges  in  hell,  if  what  you  say  is  correct, 
which  seems  to  me  very  probable." 

"  Yes,"  replied  the  demon,  *'  they  are  there 
in  great  numbers,  and  we  have  put  them  in 
the  same  place  with  thieves  and  robbers.  One 
circumstance  that  will  surprise  you,  is,  that 
their  multitude  is  as  considerable  as  that  of 
the  amorous  ;  although  they  have  among  the 
/s  former,  only  the  men  who  were  judges  :  and 
among  the  latter,  men  and  women  who  have 
loved  once  at  least  in  their  lives." 

"  You  wish  to  give  me  to  understand,"  said 
I  to  him,  "  that  there  ate  many  lovers  in  hell ; 
but  can  that  be?     If  men  were  damned  for 


THE    DEMON.  27 

this  passion,  no  person  should  be  exempt 
from  your  infernal  jurisdiction.  But  this 
passion  hath  one  great  advantage ;  it  is  con- 
formable to  the  charity  that  men  owe  to  one 
another,  and  is  always  accompanied  with  re- 
pentance, and  certain  remorse  of  conscience, 
when  it  departs  from  those  who  have  been 
possessed.  One  sees  young  girls  even,  who 
repent  of  their  faults.  How  many  religious 
houses  are  founded  by  penitence !  how 
many  old  coquettes  give  themselves  up  to  de- 
votion! how  many  men  follow  their  exam- 
ple, after  love  has  fled  with  beauty,  constitu- 
tion, and  wealth!" 

"But,"  said  the  demon,  "how  many  men 
and  women,  young  and  old,  die  in  their 
amours,  and  count  you  for  nothing  the  de- 
-spair,  the  chagrin,  the  secret  pains  under  which 
so  many  lovers  have  succumbed?  Know  you 
not  that  some  temperaments  are  so  affected  by 
this  passion,  that  they  quit  it  but  with  life  ? 
If  I  should  relate  to  you  the  histories  of  both 
sexes  perverted  by  the  perusal  of  gallant  ad- 
ventures, and  having  no  other  desire  in  their 
souls  but  to  experience  the  like ;  if  I  should 


-    28  THE  DEMON. 

cause  you  to  see  the  occupations  of  these  peo- 
ple in  hell,  you  would  pity  some,  while  you 
could  not  help  laughing  at  the  folly  of  others. 
You  would  see  young  men  burning  at  the  feet 
of  their  mistresses;  and  old  ones,  who,  to 
please  theirs,  are  continually  shaving  them- 
selves, or  plucking  out  their  beard,  and  who  put 
on  bland  perukes,  to  give  themselves  a  youth- 
ful  appearance ;  young   girls,   who    imagine 
themselves  to  be  Cleopatras,  Artemisias,  and 
J]       Clelias  ;  old  coquettes,  who  paint  themselves 
continually  before  their  glass,  who  torment 
their  locks,  tightening  the  forehead-cloth  to 
efface  the  wrinkles,  and  adjusting  to  the  mouth 
artificial  teeth  of  ivory  or  wax :  but  all  their 
cases  are  lost,  since  there  is  nothing  substan- 
tial in  the  other  world.     You  would  be   as- 
tonished, if  I  were  to  point  out  to  you  all  the 
girls  who  have  taken  certain  means  to  hide 
the  efiects  of  their  love  sports.     It  would  of 
necessity  be  seen,  how  many  surgeons  and 
physicians  follow  in  their  train ;  and  if  any 
one  should  inquire  why  these  people  are  in 
hell,  who  have  rendered  such  universal  ser- 
vice, I  answer,  because  they  ought  not  to 


THE  DEMON.  W 

afford  assistance  to  every  one.  Can  they,nor 
instance,"  added  lie,  "  conscientionsly  admin- 
ister those  remedies  to  cause  liemorrhages, 
which  end  in  abortion  ?" 

And  as  I  was  about  to  observe,  that  the 
physicians  could  not  be  cognizant  of  a  malady 
which  they  would  not  discover — 

"  I  understand  you,"  interrupted  the  de- 
mon :  "  be  sure  they  know  well  enough,  with- 
out that ;  at  any  rate,  it  is  their  duty  to  know, 
or  to  suspect." 

"  But,"  said  I  to  him,  "  is  there  not  another 
secret  you  have  omitted,  of  similar  effect  to 
the  assistance  of  the  physicians  ?" 

"  Yes,"  he  answered  :  "  there  are  the  poi- 
soners, sorcerers,  and  adroit  women,  who 
teach  these  mysteries  ;  and  there  are  some  in 
hell  who  yet  continue  this  infamous  practice." 
"  You  would  have  it  understood,"  said  I, 
"  that  you  are  a  good  devil ;  a  devil  of  honour 
and  conscience :  you  would  make  a  good 
preacher ;  the  flock  would  doubtless  edify  by 
your  sermons." 

"  Be  persuaded,"  said  he,  "  that  if  I  preach 
not  agTeeable  things,  I  announce  wholesome 

c  2 


30  THE  DEMON 

truths  :  believe  also,  that  I  have  many  preach- 
,,«ers  dependent  upon  me.  'Who  are  they?' 
you  inquire.  They  are  those  who  preach  for 
"^  their  own  glory,  to  establish  a  reputation,  to 
acquire  celebrity,  to  gain  benefices,  and  levy 
contributions  upon  poor  devotees.  They  com- 
mit wickedness  in  doing  good  to  others ;  in 
,  teaching  and  edifying  them.  If  we  lose  the 
hearers  through  the  instrumentality  of  their 
discourses,  we  gain  the  pastors,  which  is  more 
honourable  to  us.  Finally,  I  declare  to  you, 
that  it  is  by  the  order  of  God,  that  I  speak  to 
you  before  all  these  persons  :  I  warn  you,  in 
particular,  that  you  are  lost,  unless  you  aban- 
don all  the  projects  of  ambition  you  have 
formed,  and  unless  you  renounce  poetry, 
which  is  at  the  same  time  so  agreeable  and 
fatal. 

"  Draw  near,"  said  he,  to  an  old  man,  a 
relation  of  the  possessed :  "  restore  the  three 
farms  you  illegally  detain.  You,  young  man, 
imitate  Hercules  no  more  with  your  strength 
and  intrigue  ;  Hercules  is  dead ;  you  may  find 
men  who  will  kill  you. — You  old  judge  of 
the  village,  you  have  a  very  delicate  and  peril- 


THE  DEMON.  31 

ous  charge  :  you  were  the  valet  of  the  lord  of 
the  domain  ;  you  have  preserved  in  your  new 
station,  the  spirit  of  servitude,  which  is  not 
sympathetic  with  justice.  The  petition  of 
your  ancient  master,  you  stupid  wretch.  The 
three  peasants  who  have  bound  and  strangled 
the  helpless  patient  upon  his  bed,  are  those 
who  enjoy  the  benefit.  It  is  now  six  years 
since  the  farm-house  of  their  master  was  con- 
sumed with  fire :  they  ought  to  be  punished 
for  these  crimes. — As  to  those  young  ladies, 
they  would  do  well  not  to  admit,  for  the  future, 
the  two  strangers,  whom  they  entertain  every 
evening  in  their  chambers,  and  whom  they  in- 
troduce by  the  garden.  Profit,  all  of  you,  by 
what  you  have  now  heard :  I  shall  speak  to 
you  no  more,  for  to-morrow  the  priests  comes 
to  exorcise  me,  and  I  shall  depart  from  the 
body  of  this  subject,  it  being  the  will  of  God 
that  I  should  go  forth,  to  attest  his  power  and 
the  glory  of  his  name." 

The  demon  having  finished  this  discourse, 
took  pleasure  in  tormenting  the  possessed, 
and  making  him  utter  moving  cries.  I  feared 
the   neighbourhood   would   be  alarmed,  and 


32  THE  DEMON. 

that  some  one  would  recognize  me  iiT  a 
place  where  I  could  not  be  with  honour.  In 
returning  to  my  house,  I  reflected  upon  the 
wisdom  of  God,  who  draweth  good  from  evil, 
and  causeth  demons  to  speak  as  angels  of 
light.  The  prophet  hath  also  remarked,  that 
divine  Providence  disposeth  things  in  such  a 
manner,  that  the  hands  of  our  enemies  can 
conduce  to  our  welfare.  This  is-the  first  pos- 
sessed I  ever  saw  in  the  course  of  my  life, 
and  the  first  time  I  ever  conversed  with  a  de- 
mon. God  grant  that  I  may  never  behold 
another,  neither  in  this  world,  nor  in  the 
world  to  come  ! 


DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE.  33 

SECOND  NIGHT 

DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE. 

There  are  those  who  affirm  that  none 
but  the  wicked  are  subjected  to  unpleasant 
thoughts.  I  have  been  acquainted  with  many- 
persons,  but  I  could  never  find  one  who  was 
not  ready  to  confess,  there  were  moments  of 
sadness  that  invaded  the  soul,  the  cause  of 
which  they  could  not  explain.  These  spring, 
sometimes  from  a  vicious  temperament :  the 
humours  mixing  themselves  with  the  blood, 
carry  to  the  brain  those  spirits  that  trace  upon 
the  imagination  frightful  and  whimsical  figures, 
from  whence  come  those  disagreeable  dreams 
and  visions  that  surprise  us  in  the  night. 
Dreams  proceed  often  from  heaven,  often 
from  the  devil,  and  frequently  from  natural 
causes  ;  thus  we  have  thoughts  of  death,  after 
conversation  on  the  subject,  or  having  read  a 
book  that  ti-eated  of  it.  To  speak  plainly,  it 
seems  that  Providence  sends  us  such  dreams, 
for  the  purpose  of  forcing  our  attention  to  the 
consideration  of  those  subjects  we  are  gener- 


34  DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE. 

ally  reluctant  to  reflect  upon.  Such  is,  with- 
out doubt,  the  origin  of  this  I  ha^ne  had  con- 
cerning death. 

I  read  one  night  before  retiring,  the  verse 
of  Lucretius,  one  of  the  most  learned  men, 
and  best  poets  of  antiquity.  I  found  an  emi- 
nently beautiful  passage,  where  he  says,  that 
all  nature,  with  one  consent,  elevating  her 
voice,  speaks  thus  to  mankind : — "Why,  O 
mortals,  do  you  groan  for  such  a  length  of 
time,  and  why  are  you  so  sharply  afflicted  ? 
Why  do  you  submit  to  the  slavery  of  flying 
from  death,  and  the  fear  thereof?  Why  do 
you  continually  reflect  upon  thei  pleasures  of 
youth  ?  The  enjoyments  of  this  season  have 
passed  with  the  days  you  regret,  as  grain  es- 
capes from  a  sack,  from  whence  it  finds  an 
issue.  You  are  fatigued  with  the  world ;  why 
do  you  not  quit  it,  as  one  who  returns  satis- 
fied from  a  feast,  where  the  viands  were  ex- 
quisite, and  the  pleasure  of  the  highest  flavour  ? 
You  are  convicted  of  a  strange  folly :  it  is  in 
your  power  to  enjoy  tranquillity;  why  not, 
then,  seize  upon  possession  ?  Why  fear  death, 
that  will  render  you  invulnerable  ?" 


DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE.  35 

Such  are  the  sentiments  of  the  poet,  and 
they  appear  like  those  of  a  saint ;  but  this  is 
nature,  or  rather,  natural  reason,  teaching  us 
that  death  is  not  so  frightful  as  we  are  apt  to 
imagine  ;  and  I  am  not  therefore  surprised, 
that  heathen  philosophers  have  exhibited  so 
constant  an  example  of  exalted  morality. 

Likewise  I  remember  what  Job  has  said 
upon  the  brevity  of  human  life,  and  the  swift 
arrival  of  death.  "  The  life  of  man,"  says 
this  illustrious  patriarch,  "  is  of  short  duration : 
it  is  a  flower,  that  before  it  is  scarcely  blown, 
is  despoiled  of  its  leaves :  it  is  a  shadow,  which 
flies  with  the  rapidity  of  the  wind,  without 
remaining  stationary  a  single  moment;"  and 
yet,  in  spite  of  its  brevity,  life  is  subject  to  so 
much  calamity,  that  it  is  doubtful  whether  it  |  ■  % 
should  not  rather  be  called  misery,  than  life.    ]    "^ 

Indulging  in  these  grave  meditations,  I  i  ,  " 
threw  myself  upon  my  bed,  and  slept.  My 
spirit  was  free  from  external  impressions.  I 
thought  there  came  into  the  places  where  my 
fancy  had  transported  me,  a  great  multitude 
of  physicians,  mounted  upon  mules,  the  hous- 
ings of  which,  were  clothes  of  the  dead.     In 


36  DEATH    AND    HER   PALACE. 

the  suit  of  these  physicians,  who  had  an  air 
of  sourness  and  chagrin,  followed  a  crowd  of 
apothecaries,  surgeons,  and  young  barbers, 
who  carried  the  drugs  or  instruments  pertain- 
ing to  their  professions.  When  the  physicians 
had  descended  from  their  mules,  they  began 
to  dance  a  ballet,  to  the  sound  of  the  mortars 
and  sieves  the  apothecaries  and  their  adjuncts 
played  upon.  This  ballet  was  interspersed 
with  songs,  in  which  the  physicians  took  the 
upper  part ;  the  words  of  one  of  them  were 
as  follows  :— 

"  Catholicum,  rhubarbarae,  opiata,  theriaca, 
Opoponach,  0  opium,  O  laudanum  anodinum, 
Polychrestum  diureticum,  senne  anisatum. " 

Two  young  physicians  performed  the  air  in 
these  words : — 

"  Recipe,  recipe,  recipe,  recipe  senne, 
Dragmas  duas,  dragmas  duas,  dragmas  duas, 

Semi-dragmum  rhei  electae, 

Scrupulum  unum  polycliresti, 
Infundantur,  percolentur,  hauriantur, 

Hora  sexta  matutina, 
Recipe,  recipe,  recipe,  etc. " 

Two  surgeons  answered  to  that,  secaj  lire; 


DEATH    AND    HER    PALACE.  37 

that  is  to  say,  cut^  burn ;  and  directly  both 
joined  in  chorus — these  repeating  recipe,  the 
others  wre,  and  the  last  dancing. 

This  troop  having  sat,  there  entered  another 
composed  of  newsmongers,  and  people  who 
followed  them  to  learn  what  was  transacted 
abroad  in  England,  France,  Holland,  Italy, 
and  other  places.  After  these  entered  soli- 
citors, stewards  of  noble  estates,  soldiers, 
priests,  and  other  persons  whom  I  did  not 
know.  This  cavalcade  was  terminated  by  a 
woman  of  monstrous  stature,  meagre,  pale,  and 
having  a  very  extraordinary  equipage.  Her 
head  dress  consisted  of  crowns,  tiaras,  elec- 
toral bonnets,  mitres,  red  and  black  hats,  hats 
of  straw,  turbans,  and  bonnets  of  wool  and 
silk  :  upon  one  side  of  the  head,  she  had  her 
hair  curled  and  powdered ;  upon  the  other, 
shaven  after  the  fashion  of  monks.  Her 
robe  was  tissue  of  thread,  wool,  and  silk,  orna- 
mented with  trimmings  of  gold  and  silver, 
chaplets,  precious  stones,  and  pearls  :  she  had 
upon  her  feet  and  legs,  shoes  of  iron,  wood, 
and  leather  :  she  bore  upon  a  sceptre,  a  shep- 
herd's crook,  a  scvthe,  and  a  o;reat  club :  she 

D 


^ 


38  DEATH    AND    HER    PALACE. 

had  one  eye  open,  and  tlie  other  shut ;  and 
carried,  pendant  from  her  neck,  a  sand  box, 
with  crosses  of  the  order  of  Saint  James,  of 
the  Holy  Ghost,  and  the  medals  of  other  mili- 
tary orders:  her ^ gait  was  alternately  slow, 
then  quick  and  precipitate.  She  approached 
my  bed,  and  said,  "  Arise,  Chevalier,  follow 
me !" 

*'  But,  before  I  follow  thee,"  replied  I,  "  in- 
form me  who  you  are." 

"I  am  Death,''''  answered    she;    "follow 
^        me !" 

*'Is  it  your  pleasure,  then,  that  I  should 
die?" 

"  No,  no  !  follow  me,  and  leave  behind  thy 

garment ;  for  a  person  is  not  to  be  clothed 

when  he  follows  Death.    I  will  show  you  my 

empire,  and  my  subjects.     I  am  the  queen 

of  queens,  the   empress    of  sovereigns,    the 

sovereign  of  the  human  race  ;  and  the  powers 

of  earth  are  but  my  inspectors." 

^        "How!"  exclaimed  I,  "dare   you  to  say 

^  \  the   king   of    Spain    is    your    inspector?    he 

V  who    possesses    so   many    territories   in    the 

'      "  world  ?" 


DEATH    AND    HER    PALACE.  39 

"Follow,  follow,"  said  Death;  "I  will 
show  you." 

Immediately  all  those  who  were  there, 
went  out  in  the  same  order  they  had  entered : 
Death  following  the  rear  of  the  procession, 
and  I  following  Death. 

We  traversed  vast  plains  and  deserts,  which 
resembled  cemetries,  or  fields  of  battle,  covered 
with  dead.  Directly  I  perceived,  at  a  distance, 
an  immense  castle,  built  in  the  antique  style ; 
and  when  I  had  drawn  near,  I  observed  that 
the  materials  were  nothing  but  bones  cement- 
ed with  blood  and  apothecaries'  drugs.  The 
three  porters  in  the  court  were  very  pleasant 
to  the  sight.  The  first  resembled  a  harlequin 
assuming  divers  attitudes,  and  having  upon 
his  habits  the  figures  of  kingdoms  and  pro- 
vinces of  the  earth ;  in  such  a  fashion,  in- 
deed, that  I  seemed  to  look  upon  a  geogra- 
phical map  :  his  name  was  the  World.  The 
second,  who  called  himself  the  Flesh,  was 
naked,  like  those  figures  of  Priapus  one  sees 
upon  medals.  The  third  was  armed,  cap  a 
pie,  in  gold  and  silver,  like  a  curassier.  They 
told  me  those  three  guards  were  the  enemies 


40  DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE. 

of  the  world,  and  the  porters  of  Deatli.  The 
pavement  of  the  court  was  of  human  sculls,  as 
well  as  that  of  the  chambers  :  these  sculls 
were  arranged  in  such  a  manner,  that  they 
resembled  a  chess  board;  some  being  white, 
and  others,  having  the  hair  upon  them,  ap- 
peared black.  In  the  middle  of  this  court 
was  a  fountain  of  tears :  the  figures  about  the 
basin,  represented  Uneasiness,  Envy,  Jea- 
lousy, Despair,  Knavery,  Sickness,  Medicine, 
War,  Revenge,  and  Love.  The  tapestries  of 
the  chambers  were  all  upon  particular  sub- 
jects. One  might  see  in  one  piece,  people 
contracting  marriage ;  in  another,  lawyers 
pleading  a  case  ;  in  this,  merchants  preparing 
for  bankruptcy ;  in  that,  honest  thieves  upon 
the  grand  tour,  stripping  the  peasantry.  The 
others  represented  an  ecclesiastic,  who,  dying 
in  his  bed,  has,  in  his  last  moments,  the  satis- 
faction of  seeing  his  house  pillaged ;  a  courier 
riding  from  Madrid  to  Rome,  to  solicit  a  bene- 
fice ;  a  tiler  falling  from  the  roof  of  a  house  ;  a 
drunken  sailor  precipitating  himself  from  his 
vessel  into  the  sea ;  a  house  burning  with 
such  rapidity,  that  its  master  is  consumed  in 


DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE.  41 

the  flames ;  in  fine,  one  might  there  perceive 
every  species  of  human  death. 

But  none  of  these  impressed  me  with  so 
much  horror,  as  the  paintings  in  fresco  under 
the  grand  portico.  There  were  here  servants 
who  strangled  their  master  to  obtain  his  mo- 
ney; children  who  assassinated  their  father, 
to  come  more  speedily  into  possession  of  his 
property;  subjects  who  kill  their  king,  after 
having  pronounced  his  condemnation  ;  a  wo- 
man who  poisons  her  husband  ;  and  a  mistress 
who  does  the  same  to  her  lover,  to  revenue 
his  infidelity. 

In  the  middle  of  this  gallery,  was  a  colos- 
sal figure,  representing  Ingratitude,  and  ele- 
vated upon  a  pedestal;  the  relief  of  which 
presented  on  the  one  side  Cruelty,  on  the 
second  Infidelity,  on  the  third  Interest,  on  the 
fourth  Ambition.  The  base  was  ornamented 
with  sculptural  emblems  of  sporting  cupids, 
satyrs,  lions,  and  cats. 

After  having  traversed  the  whole  extent  of 
this  apartment,  Death  entered  into  a  grand 
and  magnificent  hall ;  the  sable  hangings  of 
which  were  sown  with  white  drops,  like  the 

d2 


42  DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE. 

ornaments  commonly  seen  on  monuments  in 
burying  places.  In  this  hall  stood  a  throne 
composed  of  dead  men's  bones,  and  which 
appeared  like  ivory :  four  leg  bones  formed 
the  supporters  ;  two  arms,  with  their  hands, 
the  arms  of  the  seat ;  a  spinal  bone,  with 
those  of  the  thighs,  composed  the  back  part ; 
the  two  pommels  above  were  two  sculls,  and 
the  seat  was  of  other  bones.  It  was  ascended 
by  four  steps,  the  first  of  which  was  called 
infancy,  the  second  youth,  the  third  manhood, 
and  the  fourth  old  age.  Death  being  seated, 
the  whole  medical  corps  ranged  themselves 
on  either  side,  the  others  being  seated  at  their 
feet. 

Death  spake  for  some  time  upon  the  limits 
of  life,  and  of  the  grandeur  of  her  empire :  she 
finished  her  discourse  by  observing  that  there 
was  but  one  way  of  coming  into  existence, 
but  many  ways  of  quitting  it.  She  then  gave 
a  general  order  for  the  dead  to  appear,  and 
all  at  once  I  saw  them  fall  from  the  wainscot, 
and  come  from  the  walls  and  pavement. 
"  Speak,"  said  the  queen,  "  each  in  turn." 

The  first  who  commenced,  said,  "  I  am 


DEATH  AND  IIER  PALACE.  4^ 

Romulus,  first  king  of  Rome  ;  my  ministers 
not  being  able  to  tolerate  my  government, 
wished  to  change  it ;  they  caused  mc  to  be 
assassinated,  and  a  report  spread,  that  I  had, 
in  their  presence,  been  translated  to  heaven." 

"  I  am,"  said  another,  "  Ccesar,  first  em- 
peror of  the  Romans  :  the  senate  caused  me 
to  perish  by  the  hand  of  my  adopted  son." 

A  third,  "  1  am  the  emperor  Claudius,  poi- 
soned by  my  wife." 

A  fourth,  "  I  am  Alexander  the  great ;  I 
died  in  the  very  bosom  of  a  debauch." 

A  fifth,  "  I  am  Codrus,  king  of  the  Athe- 
nians ;  I  died  for  my  country." 

"And  I,"  exclaimed  a  sixth,  "am  Charles 
the  fifths  whose  bones  my  son  exhumed,  and 
burnt." 

In  like  manner  appeared  many  of  the  illus- 
trious dead,  now  confounded  with  all  kinds 
of  people.  When  they  had  spoken,  they 
formed  a  great  circle,  in  the  midst  of  which  I 
perceived  a  large  bottle,  from  whence  issued 
a  voice,  that  said,  "  I  am  that  famous  necro- 
mancer, the  great  magician  of  Europe.  I 
caused  myself  to  be  cut  in  pieces  by  one  of 


44  DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE. 

:-  my  servants,  and  shut  up  in  this  vessel,  ex- 
pecting  my   members    would    re-unite,    and 
J      ^    j  my  body  be  renewed  in  its  pristine  youth ;  I 
'^  know  not  whether  the  secret  was  false,  or 
if   he    neglected   to    follow    strictly   my   or- 
j  ¥  .  ders ;  but  after  boiling  a  long  time,  I  form- 
ed   only    a    gross,    misshapen,    and    lifeless 
mass." 

"  You  then  were  of  opinion,"  said  death, 
"  that  the  soul  was  but  a  subtle  fire ;  a  flame 
that  could  animate  your  body,  and  repair 
itself!" 

"  Yes,"  answered  the  necromancer. 

"  Close  the  vessel  again,"  said  death. 

When  all  the  by-standers  had  been  heard, 
they  were  required  to  put  their  names  upon  a 
great  book ;  and  while  they  were  writing,  I 
saw  the  bottle  move  towards  me.  The  necro- 
mancer within  immediately  commenced  a  con- 
versation with  me  ;  inquiring,  "  who  reigns 
in  Spain  ?  Does  Venice  yet  exist  ?  What  is 
the  news  in  France  ?  Are  the  Calvinists  con- 
stantly triumphant  ?" 

I  answered  him,  "Philip  IV.  reigns  in 
Spain ;  Venice   is   still   beautiful,  rich,    and 


DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE.  45 

powerful ;  llie  Calviiiists  and   tlioir  king  ar*? 
always  invincible." 

He  then  besought  me  to  break  the  bottle. 
As  I  hesitated,  not  being  witliout  certain 
qualms  of  fear,  it  swelled,  and  burst  of  itself. 
I  then  saw  what  it  had  contained  expand  into 
a  human  form,  and  rising  up,  resumed  the 
discourse  in  this  manner : — 

"As  it  is  impossible  for  me  to  return  again 
into  the  world,  place  us  henceforth  among 
the  dead  magicians." 

In  the  place  of  the  bottle,  there  appeared 
an  old  man  with  a  great  head  and  a  long 
beard :  he  was  of  a  grave  mein,  and  held  a 
globe  in  his  hand. 

"  I  am,"  said  he,  "  Nestradamus,  that  great 
French  astrologer,  who  predicted,  during  my 
life,  every  thing  that  has   since  happened." 

"  How,"  said  I,  "  are  you  he  that  composed 
those  famous  centuries,  which,  after  death, 
were  found  in  your  tomb  ?  Resolve  me,  I 
pray  you,  one  of  your  prophecies  now  in  my 
mind : — 

"  '  The  sign  of  Aries  shall  the  world  command ; 
Taurus  shall  rule  the  waves  and  solid  land  ; 


46  DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE, 

Mother  and  sire  the  virgin  shall  deceive, 

The  mother's  breasts  the  tender  tveins  shall  leave.' " 

"  That,"  said  the  astrologer,  "  is  as  clear  as 
the  light  of  day ;  and  signifies,  that  married 
men  shall  frequently  resemble  rams  :  the  love 
of  woman,  represented  by  the  bull,  shall  min- 
gle itself  with  affairs  of  every  kind ;  the 
daughter  divert  herself  spite  of  the  advice  of 
her  father,  and  the  sons  laugh  at  maternal  ex- 
postulation." 

"And  this,  what  is  its  signification?"  de- 
manded I : — 

"  '  Mothers  soon  shall  children  bear, 
Who  to  name  no  sire  shall  dare; 
None  of  all  the  babes  they  bear, 
E'er  shall  lack  a  father's  care.'  " 

"That  is  equally  easy  of  explanation.  I 
wish  to  convey  the  idea,  that  many  children 
shall  call  those  fathers,  who  are  not  so ;  and 
shall  have  fathers  whom  they  will  never  dis- 
cover." 

He  would  have  departed,  after  explaining 
these  two  prophecies  ;  but  I  stopped  him, 
entreating  liim  only  to  tell  me  the  meaning  of 
this  last : — 


DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE.  47 

"  '  Before  another  year  is  born, 
Many  a  goose  quill  shall  be  worn ; 
Many  a  quill  the  ether  bear, 
Many  a  man  shall  dance  in  air ; 
Men  shall  sorely  rue  the  attack, 
Of  grey  goose  quill  and  Doctor  Quack ; 
Merchants  be  in  bankrupt  plight. 
Nobles  turn  to  blackguards  quite ; 
Province,  city,  town,  and  village, 
Soon  shall  soldiei-s  sack  and  pillage ; 
Lads  and  lasses  soon  shall  try. 
What  darkness  hides  from  every  eye; 
No  more  shall  widows'  weeds  endure ; 
The  cloister  Airgins  shall  immure.'  " 

"  That  signifies,"  said  Nostradamus,  who 
was  in  haste  to  depart,  "  that  one  half  of  the 
world  shall  pillage  the  other ;  the  people  of 
justice  shall  rob  by  their  pen  ;  false  witnesses 
will  support  themselves  by  hanging  upon 
their  skirts ;  the  physicians  will  kill  with 
physic,  and  be  well  paid  for  it ;  the  merchants 
thrive  by  bankruptcy  ;  nobles  shall  be  ruined 
by  their  stewards  ;  the  soldiers  will  lay  all 
under  contribution ;  children  shall  rob  one 
another ;  widows  contract  new  nuptials,  and 
to  enjoy  the  portions  of  their  daughters,  make 


48  DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE. 

nuns  orthem.     Let  go  !" — and  he  hastily  left 
me. 
^^^    I  then  perceived  before  me  a  good  old  man, 
'^  of  a  very  sad  aspect,  who  demanded  if  I  was 
dead  ? 

"No,"  answered  I;  "living,  and  at  your 
service." 

" Good !"  s^id  he ;  "I  expect  a  favour  of 
you.     You  must  know,  I  am  called  They.    I 
also  bear  the  appellation  of  Somebody,  of  An- 
other, of  a  certain  Personage,  of  Author,  and 
of  I  know  ivho.     While  I  lived  in  the  world, 
I  was  accused  of  having  said  and  done  every 
thing  which  could  not  be   traced :  if  a  false 
report  was  circulated,  it  was  they  who  had 
broached  it:  if  any  one  was  found  assassin- 
ated in  the  high  way,  it  was  they  who  had 
killed  him  :  if  there  was   a  man  with  a  bad 
face,  this  was  somebody:  if  it  was  imprudent 
to  name  a  person  in  an  affair,  they  called  him 
a  certain  person :  if  a  writer  advanced  bold 
things,  this  was  an  author,  who  had  spoken 
on  the   first  impression:   and,   finally,   when 
the  author  was  entirely  concealed,  it  was  / 
know  who,  that  had  said  or  acted  thus  and 


DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE.  49 

SO.  All  this  time  I  neither  said  nor  did  any 
thing;  I  appeared  no  where;  I  knew  not 
what  passed,  and  kept  house  both  day  and 
night ;  the  chagrin  of  seeing  myself  in  so  bad 
repute,  fairly  put  an  end  to  my  existence.  I 
demand,  therefore,  of  you^  to  vindicate  me  to 
your  friends,  and  those  persons  over  whom 
you  have  any  influence,  that  they  may  not  in 
future  charge  me  with  any  thing ;  for,  since  I 
am  dead,  I  can  of  course  liave  nothing  more 
to  do  with  the  world  " 

I  promised  the  old  gentleman  I  would  re- 
member what  he  desired,  and  he  retired  con- 
tented. At  this  moment  a  young  woman  com- 
ing up  to  me,  fell  upon  my  neck,  exclaiming, 
"My  dear  iEneas,  have  you  at  length  arrived ! 
I  have  for  a  longtime  wished  to  see  you.  Vir- 
gil hath  spoken  very  illy  of  you  :  he  has  pub- 
lished a  history  of  our  loves,  Avhich  we  knew 
nothing  of:  I  have  sought  you  among  all  the 
dead,  withoilt  being  able  to  find  you ;  but  I 
know,  from  your  air,  that  you  are  ^Eneas  ; 
for,  as  you  have  been  the  greatest  and  most 
illustrious  of  heroes,  so  here  you  surpass  all 
the  dead  in  demeanour  and  beauty." 

E 


50  DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE. 

As  the  surprise  I  felt  at  this  unmerited  com- 
pliment prevented  answer,  she  continued  to 
speak,  and  embraced  me  so  vehemently,  that 
I  was  compelled  to  cry  out. 

"Peace,  there  !"  commanded  the  officer  of 
the  chamber,  who  was  called  Silence. 

I  still  continued  to  bawl  out ;  and  said  to 
Madame  Dido,  "  O  Queen  of  Carthage  !  will 
you  not  be  undeceived  ?  I  am  Don  Francisco 
de  Quevedo  de  Villegas,  Chevalier  of  the  or- 
der of  Saint  James  !" 

"Behold!"  replied  the  queen,  "behold 
this  drunkard,  who,  being  a  Trojan,  would 
fain  pass  himself  off  for  a  Spaniard  !  Go, 
pious  ^neas  ;  Virgil  hath  done  thee  no  great 
wrong  in  describing  thee  as  thou  art.  Where 
is  thy  Palladium  ?  thy  nurse  ?  thy  son  Asca- 
nias  ?  where  are  thy  companions  ?  why  are 
you  here  without  attendants  ?" 

"  Be  not  disquieted,"  said  I :  "  address 
yourself  to  Charon ;  he  would  know  you  as 
well  as  iEneas,  who  abandoned  you  in  Africa  ; 
that  was  a  meet  punishment  for  your  prudery: 
but  you  have  not  yet  been  able  to  forget  a 
man.  who  surrendered  his  native  city  to  the 


DEATH  AND  TIER  PALACE.  51 

Greeks,   and  fled  from    liis  ruined  country. 
You  are  a  victim  of  love  !" 

*' And  you,"  said  she,  retiring,  "are  very 
credulous  !" 

The  officer  again  commanded  silence,  and 
before  I  had  time  to  add  any  thing  more,  I 
saw  approaching  a  dead  person  of  great  size, 
with  horns  upon  his  head,  and  who  ran 
towards  me  as  though  he  was  going  to  strike 
with  them.  I  stretched  out  my  arms  to  de- 
fend myself,  and  perceiving  near  me  a  large 
fork,  that  supported  the  tapestry,  I  took  it  in 
my  hand,  and  firmly  awaited  his  onset. 

"  Do  you  recognize,"  said  he,  "  Don  Diego 
Moreno,  whom  you  have  called  in  your  poems 
Signor  Cornuto  ?" 

"  Yes,"  replied  I ;  "  and  to  convince  you, 
that  I  neither  fear  you,  living  nor  dead,  take 
in  advance  a  blow  with  this  fork  ;"  and  at 
that  endeavoured  to  run  him  through,  but  his 
bones  were  too  hard.  Moreno  then  gave  me 
a  blow  with  his  head,  and  casting  himself 
upon  me,  threw  me  down :  I  stuck  to  his 
sides,  inserting  my  fingers  into  the  openings 
beneath  the  sternum,  and  as  he  arose,  came 


52  DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE. 

up  with  him.  This  noise  causing  considera- 
ble confusion  in  the  assembly,  I  saw  coming 
upon  me,  a  great  number  of  the  dead,  armed 
in  the  same  manner  with  Moreno ;  and  as 
they  pressed  upon  one  another,  each  anxious 
to  pass  his  neighbour,  their  bones  made  a  very 
curious  clicking.  In  the  mean  time,  others 
marshalled  themselves  in  front,  to  protect  me 
from  their  assault. 

During  these  transactions.  Death  sat  upon 
her  throne  in  silence,  attentive  only  to  the  in- 
scription of  her  subjects  names ;  and  as  the 
secretaries  happened  to  finish  at  a  moment 
when  there  was  a  slight  cessation  in  our  tu- 
mult, the  officer  cried — 

"  Peace—listen !" 

*'  I  seized  this  occasion  to  demand  justice 
of  the  queen. 

"  I  supplicate  your  sovereign  majesty,"  said 
I,  "  to  do  me  justice  on  Diego  Moreno,  who 
has  insulted  me  in  this  palace;  striking  me 
with  his  horns,  knocking  me  down,  and  excit- 
ing against  me  the  whole  host  of  cuckolds." 

'*  What  defence  do  you  make  to  this  accu- 
sation, Moreno  ?"  asked  the  queen. 


DEATH  AXD  HER  PALACE.  53 

*'  Mighty  and  wan  princess,"  replied  he, 
"behold  the  man  who  caused  me  to  pass  in 
the  \vorld  as  a  Vulcan,  or  a  faun :  I  have 
always  lived  pleasantly  with  my  wife,  never 
objecting  to  the  French  method,  of  receiving 
at  her  house  priests,  soldiers,  lawyers,  politi- 
cians, merchants,  and  strangers  of  every  coun- 
try. As  the  house  had  a  great  deal  of  good 
company,  where  nothing  was  wanting,  al- 
though my  wife  was  no  expense  to  me,  I 
found  it  very  convenient ;  and  because  I  pro- 
fited by  the  follies  of  others,  because  I  made 
that  a  part  of  my  revenue,  because  I  took  ad- 
vantage of  my  wife's  friends,  to  amass  an  es- 
tate for  my  children,  the  chevalier  Quevedo 
derided  me,  rendering  me  ridiculous  by  his 
poems,  and  representing  me  as  the  prince  of 
accommodating  husbands ;  he  called  me  a 
ram,  and  made  me  one  of  the  signs  of  the  zo- 
diac :  not  content  with  that,  he  even  comes 
hither,  and  strikes  me  with  a  fork.  I  de- 
mand that  he  should  be  retained  here,  and 
that  he  be  put  in  a  situation  during  his 
slumbers,  that  will  effectually  prevent  his 
waking." 

E  2 


54  DEATH  AND  HER  PALACE. 

"  Which  of  the  two  began  the  afTray  ?"  said 
death. 

"  It  was  I,"  answered  Moreno. 

"  We  ordam  then,  that  the  name  and  me- 
mory of  Moreno  shall  never  be  forgotten  in 
Spain;  that  his  grave  shall  be  opened,  and 
his  compatriots,  if  any  yet  exist,  shall  make 
a  pilgrimage,  to  render  homage  to  his  ashes." 

After  that,  they  called  over  the  names  of 
the  dead ;  and  as  they  were  called,  they  an- 
swered adsiim,  "  I  am  here."  Hearing  my 
own  name  pronounced,  which  was  also  that 
of  my  uncle  and  god-father,  I  answered,  as  the 
others,  cidsum ;  at  which  mistake  Moreno  ta- 
king advantage  to  laugh  at  me,  I  hit  him  a 
heavy  blow  with  my  fist  upon  his  head  ;  but 
I  hurt  myself  more  than  him,  for  I  almost 
broke  my  fingers.  Moreno  cast  himself  upon 
me ;  I  stood  firm,  and  thus  we  were  again 
engaged  in  a  new  combat.  They  endeavoured  ^ 
to  separate  us,  but  I  had  entangled  my  hands 
in  such  a  manner,  in  the  bones  of  his  arms, ' 
that  I  could  not  withdraw  them  ;  and  as  they 
pulled  me  on  one  side,  and  him  on  the  other, 
it  gave  me  such  exquisite  pain,  that  I  awoke, 


DEATH    AND    HER    PALACE.  55      ,r      ,> 

happy  and  thankful  to  fiiyd  myself  jjinij  hed.  j  V^'j    ^ 
I  reviewed  in  my  mind   all  I  had  seen  and  '"^ ^ 
heard,  and  which  is  here  reported.  /^ 

This  vision  made  such  a  forcible  impres- 
sion npon  my  imagination,  that  I  yet  seem  to 
behold  the  palace  of  death,  the  audience  of 
the  dead,  and  Moreno  pouncing  upon  me  : 
finally,  I  made  many  reflections  upon  what  I 
had  seen.  It  is  but  too  true,  that  all  mankind 
must  die ;  that  we  are  surrounded  with  con- 
stant peril;  that  there  is  _but  one  thing  that 
c^n_  insiire__a  tranquil  death,  and  that  is,  a 
blameless  life.  But  to  live  well,  one  must  of- 
ten tliink  of  deatlU  I  believe  the  dream  I 
have  just  rehearsed,  was  inspired  by  heaven  ; 
for  otherwise  I  should  hardly  have  thought 
upon  my  latter  end,  not  even  when  my  life 
was  peculiarly  exposed  amidst  wars  and  bat-^  ^^^^^  ^ 
tie.  -^At  present,  I  reflect  without  ceasing;  \.^^iy^ ^ 
have  totally  abandoned  trifling  and  poetry,  }>'--*'  ' 
which  are  synonymous ;  and,  thanks  to  God, 
have  more  satisfaction  in  reading  books  of  de- 
votion, than  romances  and  histories. 


56  THE  LAST  JUDGMENT. 


THIRD  NIGHT. 

THE  LAST  JUDGMENT. 

I  HAVE  read  in  Homer,  that  areams  come 
from  Jupiter ;  and  that  this  cannot  be  doubted, 
especially  when  they  regard  things  of  import- 
ance. I  verily  believe  those  of  kings  and 
princes  proceed  from  on  high  :  but  I  will  sub- 
stitute the  true  God  in  place  of  Jupiter,  who 
is  but  a  fabulous  divinity.  The  vision  I  had 
last  year,  could  not  have  been  derived  from 
any  other  than  a  heavenly  source.  Behold 
the  events  that  passed  :  I  was  reading  the 
book  of  the  blessed  Hypolitus,  which  treats 
of  the  end  of  the  world,  and  of  the  coming  of 
God,  to  judge  the  quick  and  the  dead,  the  just 
and  the  unjust.  I  fell  asleep  over  this  book, 
sitting  in  a  large  easy  chair.  All  at  once,  I 
thought  I  saw  a  noble  young  man,  of  extraor- 
dinary beauty,  flying  through  the  air,  having 
at  his  mouth  a  trumpet,  that  sounded  far  and 
wide.  When  he  had  made  five  or  six  great 
circuits,  I  perceived   soldiers    starting   from 


THE  LAST  JUDGMENT.  57 

their  graves,  full  of  courageous  animation, 
thinking  they  heard  the  signal  of  battle.  Upon 
the  other  hand,  the  misers  started  up,  in  ter- 
ror, lest  thieves  had  come  to  rob.  The  cour- 
tiers imagined  that  they  enjoyed  the  agitations 
of  the  ring,  or  of  a  carousal.  No  one  had  the 
least  idea  that  it  announced  the  last  judgment. 
I  was  strongly  tempted  to  laugh  at  seeing  the 
maimed,  the  one-eyed,  the  blind,  seeking  the 
one  their  arms  or  legs,  and  the  other  their 
e5"es.  I  was  equally  amused,  to  perceive  the 
clerks  unwilling  to  resume  their  heads,  the 
slanderers  their  tongues,  and  the  old  women 
their  throats. 

After  all  these  had  come  forth,  and  arrived 
in  an  immense  and  shiooth  valley,  very  pro- 
per for  so  grand  a  spectacle,  I  saw  appear 
people  of  every  art  and  trade ;  likewise  the 
men  of  letters,  among  whose  ranks  there  ap- 
peared a  very  considerable  embarrassment. 
Each  community  placed  itself  separately ; 
each  religion  had  also  its  sectaries  apart :  such 
as  Christians,  Jews,  Mahometans,  Pagans, 
Heretics,  and  Schismatics.  All  the  people 
being  classed  and  placed,  a  judge  presented 


V  ^ 


58  THE  LAST  JUDGMENT.         |«^  ^.  i^ 

himself,  accompanied  by  twelve  counsellors, 
who  seated  themselves  near  his  throne ;  be- 
neath them  were  the  prophets,  in  the  capacity 
of  advocates.  Immediately  a  loud  flourish  of 
trumpets  was  heard,  as  if  an  army  of  cavalry 
approached,  and  legions  of  shining  angels  ap- 
peared, who  poised  themselves  with  their 
wings,  above  those  men  to  whom  they  had 
been  guardians.  That  done,  the  archangel 
Michael,  came  and  placed  himself  at  the  foot 
of  the  throne,  upon  which  the  judge  was  seat- 
ed, having  in  his  hand  a  naked  sword,  and 
beneath  his  feet  a  prostrate  devil,  as  he  is  re- 
presented in  churches,  and  called  the  auditors 
each  by  his  name. 
-_-':■<  Adam  answered  first;  he  was  accused  by 
^,r  his  demon,  with  having  eaten  an  apple,  con- 
*  •  V  trary  to  the  commands  of  his  God  ;  with  hav- 
ing neglected  the  gifts  he  had  received  at  his 
creation ;  with  having  cast  the  blame  upon 
his  wife  ;  with  having  had  a  bad  son,  and  of 
other  faults  which  I  do  not  distinctly  remem- 
ber. But  I  very  well  recollect,  that  these  re- 
proaches produced  such  confusion  in  him, 
that  he  could  answer  nothing :  his  good  angel 


THE  LAST  JUDGMENT.  59 

answered  for  him  ;  he  confessed  the  matters  of 
which  his  party  was  accused ;  he  set  forth 
the  excess  and  duration  of  his  penitence  ;  the 
agonies  he  had  siiffered  from  the  decree  that 
involved  his  posterity,  the  goods  which  God 
had  seen  born  of  his  sin  ;  in  fine,  he  plead- 
ed with  such  ability,  that  his  client  was  I 
ac5[uitted.  ' 

When  they  called  Judas,  Herod,  and  Pilate,  ] 
their  crimes  were  so  glaring,  that  they  could 
neither  defend  themselves,  nor  would  any  an- 
gel speak  in  their  favour;  and  they  were 
accordingly  condemned.  After  them,  were 
examined  the  most  noted  heretics,  and  neither 
could  they  obtain  pardon. 

Presently  there  appeared  a  number  of  pa- 
gan philosophers,  among  whom,  I  distinguish- 
ed the  seven  sages  of  Greece,  with  Plato, 
Zeno,  Socrates,  Aristotle,  and  others  :  there 
were  also  Mercury,  Trismegistus,  an  Egyp- 
tian, Sanconianthon,  a  Phenician,  and  Con- 
fucius, a  Chinese.  The  majority  of  these 
avowed,  that  they  had  adored  no  other  than 
the  true  God.  The  judge  demanded,  if  they 
had  given  him  all  the  glory,  and  rendered  to 


60  THE  LAST  JUDGMENT. 

him  all  the  Iionoiir  that  was  his  due.     They 
answered  nothing,  and  were  not  exculpated. 

The  corps  of  artists  next  presented  them- 
selves :  some  of  them  were  justified,  but 
by  far  the  greatest  part  were  condemned 
for  larcenies,  frauds,  surprises,  and  infi- 
delities. 

The  men  of  letters  then  had  their  turn : 
many  of  them  were  charged  with  having  taught 
and  written  contrary  to  their  real  opinions. 
The  poets  made  every  one  laugh,  on  asserting, 
that  when  they  spoke  of  Jupiter,  of  gods  and 
goddesses,  they  meant  the  true  God,  saints, 
and  saintesses  :  that  they  had  never  seriously 
deified  the  kino^  of  Candia,  nor  the  first  kinor 
of  Egypt,  nor  the  queens  of  Cyprus  and  Sici- 
ly ;  that  if  these  people  had  become  idolaters, 
they  ought  to  take  the  blame  upon  themselves. 
Virgil  in  particular,  was  examined  very  mi- 
nutely upon  that  passage  of  his  poems,  where 
he  invokes  the  Sicilian  muses  :  he  pretended 
to  have  spoken  of  the  birth  of  the  Messiah ; 
but  he  was  answered  that  he  must  then  have 
been  in  the  soul  of  the  son  of  Pollio.  Or- 
pheus was  accused  by  the  ladies  of  Thrace, 


THE  LAST  JUDGMENT.  61 

because  he  had  taught  men  a  love  tliat  did  not 
concern  them. 

The  clerks,  lawyers,  and  constables,  ap- 
plied to  Saint  Ives  de  Chartres,  to  plead  their 
cause ;  but  he  refused,  saying,  he  had  never 
been  a  robber,  but  had  always  pursued  the 
cause  of  truth  and  justice,  and  that  they  had 
not  acted  in  that  manner..  The  devils  also 
accusing  them  of  having  often  been  corrupted 
by  presents,  and  the  solicitations  of  women ; 
few  among  them  escaped. 

After  these,  the  physicians,  surgeons,  and 
apothecaries,  were  brought  forward :  they  jus- 
tified themselves  by  the  authority  of  Hippo- 
crates, Galen,  and  Paracelsus ;  but  those 
whom  they  summoned,  mocked  at  them,  and 
their  allegations.  "  And  who  are  they,"  de- 
manded those  eminent  physicians,  "  who  have 
cited  us,  and  presume  to  shelter  themselves 
behind  our  example  ?"  The  unhappy  ac- 
cused then  sought  the  assistance  of  their  two 
saints.  Come  mid  Damiens ;  but  they  refused 
to  defend  homicides,  and  judgment  of  con- 
demnation was  accordingly  pronounced. 
As  it  is  out  of  my  power  to  follow  all  the 

F 


62  THE  LAST  JUDGMENT. 

judgments  in  their  order,  I  shall  report  only 
those  that  appeared  most  worthy  of  note.  A 
fencing  master,  being  unwilling  to  approach  the 
bar,  an  angel  extended  his  arm  to  seize  him ;  but 
the  master,  throwing  himself  into  an  attitude, 
made  a  fanciful  push  towards  the  angel,  telling 
him  at  the  same  time,  that  from  such  a  thrust 
with  the  small  sword,  he  would  have  received 
a  mortal  wound  ;  that  all  those  who  had  taken 
lessons  of  him,  never  failed  to  kill  their  man, 
and  that  he  himself  had  always  been  vic- 
torious, till  he  met  with  his  physician.  At 
last,  constrained  by  force,  he  Avas  brought  for- 
ward and  convicted  of  all  the  homicides  com- 
mitted by  his  scholars,  who,  confident  in  their 
skill,  had  often  sought  quarrels,  for  the  pur- 
pose of  putting  their  theory  in  practice.  For 
these  offences  it  was  decreed  that  he  should 
go  into  hell  in  a  perpendicular  line.  "  Zounds," 
said  the  master,  "  I  will  go  as  I  may,  but  not 
in  a  perpendicular  line  ;  I  am  not  a  mathema- 
tician." "  How,"  said  the  angel,  "  do  you 
wish  to  go  ?"  "  In  making  leaps  backward  be- 
fore the  mouth  of  hell."  "  Not  quite  so 
much   subtlety,"    said    the   devil ;    "  I    will 


THE  LAST  JUDGMENT.  63 

make  you  obedient;"  and  he  carried  him  into 
the  abyss,  that  was  at  the  extremity  of  the 
valley. 

This  man  gave  place  to  a  great  astrologer, 
whom  his  angel  endeavoured  to  bring  before 
the  tribunal :  he  was  loaded  with  almanacs,  *;^ 
globes,  spheres,  astrolabes,  compasses,  quad-    "T 
rants,  rules,  and  papers,  filled  with  astronomi-  >     > 
cal  calculations.     "  You  are  mistaken,"  said 
he  to  the  angel;"  the  last  judgment  has  not^  '<    ^ 
yet  arrived,  because  the  constellation  of  Sa-,^L. 
turn,  and  that  of  fear,  have  not  yet  finished      -^  \ 
their  courses  ;  it  ought  not  to  arrive  in  less 
than    twenty-four    thousand    years ;  for   God 
hath  not  created  the  universe  and  the  celestial 
globes,  not  to  permit  them  to  finish  their  jour-    V  *'*- 
neys  ;  and  there  is  yet  no  appearance  of  an 
union  of  the  sun  and  stars,  to  set  fire. to  the  ^    \ 
world,  as  must  necessarily  happen  at  the  last 
day.     I  appeal,  then,  in  advance,  against  all 
other  judgments."     "  March,"  said  the  devil, 
"  or  I  shall  carry  you."      "  Carry  me,"  said  ^' 

the  astronomer,  "  into  the  kingdom  of  the 
moon  ;  I  will  reward  you  well ;  I  am  curious 
to  see  those  beautiful  countries,  we  discover 


64  THE  LAST  JUDGMENT. 

with  our  telescopes  ;  the  countries  of  Galileo, 
of  Copernicus,  of  Tycho  Brahe,  and  other 
celebrated  astronomers,  who  are  gone  to  dwell 
in  the  moon,  and  who  have  bestowed  their 
names  upon  those  regions  they  inhabit."  The 
discourse  of  this  fool,  did  not  prevent  an  ac- 
cusation before  the  judge,  of  irreligion,  super- 
stition, and  other  vices  which  he  could  not 
dispute. 

[  then  saw  an  operator,  who,  imagining 
himself  to  be  in  a  proper  place  for  vending 
his  drugs,  praised  the  properties  of  his  orrie- 
tan,  and  the  virtues  of  his  counter-poisons. 
When  he  came  before  his  judges,  he  was 
desirous  of  trying  some  experiments,  and  de- 
manded if  he  should  use  realgal,  arsenic,'  or 
the  blood  of  toads  and  spiders.  The  devil, 
who  stood  at  his  side,  asked  him  if  he  had 
any  fire  ointment.  "How,"  said  he,  "are 
you  in  want?"  "It  is  yourself  that  will 
soon  need  it,"  answered  the  devil ;  "  be- 
cause you  have  cheated  so  many  people 
with  your  lies  and  knaveries."  He  was 
confounded  at  this  discourse,  and  was  led 
away  to  hell. 


/ 


THE  LAST  JUDGMENT.  65 

When  they  were  close  by,  he  said  to  the 
devil,  "  I  perceive  the  jest ;  you  keep  here  the 
feast  of  Peter ;  I  am  not  so  much  alarmed 
as  you  think :  let  us  go,  let  us  go,"  said  he, 
entering  into  hell,  "let  us  go  and  see  Don 
Peter." 

There  then  came  a  troop  of  tailors,  the 
chief  one  of  whom  diverted  me  much  :  he  had 
a  pair  of  scissors  in  his  hand,  and  a  long  slip 
of  parchment,  with  which  he  took  measure 
for  garments.  Perceiving  me,  he  stepped  up 
and  proposed  to  make  me  a  coat  in  the  French 
fashion  :  I  assured  him  that  I  had  no  need  of 
such  a  garment ;  but  he  ran  round  me,  insist- 
ing upon  taking  my  measure.  I  observed  that 
it  was  then  no  time  to  transact  such  business  ; 
that  he  was  before  his  judge,  and  had  better 
invoke  his  guardian  angel :  but  the  angel  ad-  ^ 
vised  him  to  plead  his  own  cause,  as  he  could 
not  conscientiously  defend  a  case  so  obvious. 
'  Signor,"  answered  the  tailor,  "  I  engage  to 
give  you  a  suit  every  year,  gratis ;  for  it  is 
doubtless  for  lack  of  tailors,  that  you  angels  go 
always  naked."  "  Without  dispute  ;"  replied 
the  angel,  "  for  there  is  not  a  single  tailor  in 

F  2 


Li- 


^ 


66  THE  LAST  JUDGMENT. 

heaven."  "  Very  well,"  resumed  the  tailor; 
I  go  then  in  person,  to  defend  myself  and 
brethren.  We  have  never  stolen  more  stuff 
than  we  could  put  into  our  eyes  ;  we  threw 
the  useless  pieces  into  the  street;  we  have 
always  measured  the  trimmings  of  gold  and 
silver,  after  finishing  the  suit,  and  took  no 
more  than  was  absolutely  necessary.  As  to 
the  rest,  our  trade  is  one  inculcating  mercy ; 
to  clothe  the  naked,  and  furnish  a  defence 
from  the  cold ;  meritoriously  following  the 
gospel  precept:  thus  have  we  acted,  besides 
suffering  patientlj'-  the  prejudice  the  embroi- 
derers have  done  us  in  making  the  habits  of  the 
church.  I  demand  that  Saint  Martin,  arch- 
bishop of  Tours,  who  gave  the  moiety  of  his 
mantle  to  a  poor  beggar,  should  be  heard  in 
our  behalf."  "  Saint  Martin,"  said  one  of  the 
angels,  "hath  never  been  the  protector  of  tai- 
lors ;  and  so  far  would  he  be  from  defending 
you,  that  he  would  condemn  you."  "  Ah  ! 
well,"  said  the  tailor,  "  oblige  us  by  being 
yourself  our  interlocutor."  "  I  consent,"  re- 
plied he,  "  and  will  quickly  expose  the  tricks 
of  your  trade  :  the  tailors  have  in  their  shops 


THE  LAST  JTDGMENT.  67 

a  private  drawer,  which  they  call  the  eye;  and 
it  is  there  they  deposit  what  they  steal.    The 
under  part  of  their  table  and  its  immediate 
neighbourhood,  they  call  the  street ;  and  here 
they  cast  the  superfluous  stuffs  :  so  when  this 
master   cheat  asserted,    he  had  never  stolen 
more  than  might  have  been  contained  in  his 
eye,  or  that  he  threw  into  the  street  the  waste 
pieces  of  cloth,  or  stuff,  it  was  equivalent  to 
saying,  that,  he  had  never  taken  more   than 
might  be  put  into  his  drawer,  or  beneath  his 
table.   As  to  the  trimmings  of  gold  and  silver, 
it  is  true,  they  are  measured  upon  the.  gar- 
ment, but  then  it  is  found  after  the  chain  of 
binding  is  cut,  that  it  stretches  very  easily. 
When  he  said  that  his  trade  was  merciful  and 
charitable,  he  spoke  the  truth,  if  these  are  the 
attributes  of  thieves  :  but  I  demand,  if,  with- 
out pillaging  cloth,  they  could  ornament  cham- 
bers with  rich  tapestry,  build  fine  houses,  give 
portions  to  their  daughters,  bear  the  extrava- 
gancies of  their  children,  give  sumptuous  en- 
tertainments, and   enjoy  all  the  luxuries  of 
life  ?"     "  No,  no,"  simultaneously  exclaimed 
the  whole   assembly.     The  corps   of  tailors 


/ 


/ 


68  THE  LAST  JUDGMENT. 

was  accordingly  condemned,  and  they  were 
precipitated  into  the  abyss. 

When  all  the  judgments  had  been  pro- 
nounced, the  judge,  his  counsellors,  the  an- 
gels, and  the  elect,  launched  forth  into  the  air, 
and  ascended  to  heaven,  amid  an  harmonious 
concert  of  trumpets,  and  other  instruments. 
Those  who  remained  in  the  valley,  and  had 
not  been  sent  to  hell,  were  in  despair,  because 
.'they  were  not  able  to  follow  the  array  of  the 
,  •  t\  ^i[  blessed.  When  the  celestial  throng  had  Avholly 
£,L^'"  ■  disappeared,  a  most  horrid  tumult  ensued:  the 
planets  fell  from  their  orbits,  the  mountains 
came  together  ^vith  dreadful  crashings,  the 
earth  gaped,  and  all  who  remained  fell  into 
the  abyss,  uttering  such  piercing  shrieks  that 
I  was  seized  with  terror.  I  awoke,  and  felt 
the  most  lively  pleasure  to  find  myself  out  of 
danger.  I  reflected  afterwards  upon  the  mul- 
titude of  the  guilty,  and  the  small  number  ad- 
judged innocent.  Oh,  how  necessary  it  is, 
that  all  the  living  should  experience  a  similar 
vision,  that  thev  miHit  be  witnesses  of  the 
disorder,  of  the  despair,  and  torments  of  the 
damned.     It  would  suffice  also  to  exemplify 


THE  LAST  JUDGMENT.  69 

the  piteous  confusion,  which  can  neither  be 
expressed  nor  comprehended,  that  will  not 
fail  to  happen  at  the  last  day.  I  am  not 
now  surprised  that  the  Israelites,  at  the 
foot  of  Mount  Sinai,  could  not  endure  the 
noise  of  the  thunder  that  resounded  from  its 
summit. 


70  THE  COUNTRY  AND 


FOURTH    NIGHT. 

THE  COUNTRY  AND  THE  PALACE  OF  LOVE. 

On  the  fourth  day  of  January,  I  had  passed 
the  evening  in  the  company  of  some  beautiful 
and  amiable  young  ladies.  Contrary  to  my 
usual  custom  of  retiring  at  an  early  hour,  I  sat 
up  late,  amusing  myself  and  trifling  with  these 
ladies,  which  brought  to  my  imagination,  dur- 
ing sleep,  the  most  delightful  images.  I  fan- 
cied I  heard  a  voice,  which  recited  these  verses, 
borrowed  by  Virgil  from  Theocritus  : 

"  What  phrensy,  shepherd  h?.s  thy  soul  possess'd  1 
Thy  vineyard  lies  half  prun'd,  and  half  undress'd, 
Quench,  Corydon,  thy  long  unanswered  fire  ; 
Mind  what  the  common  wants  of  life  require. 
On  willow  twigs  employ  thy  weaving  care ; 
And  find  an  easier  love,  though  not  so  fair. 

I  am  ignorant  by  what  paths  I  was  conducted, 
but  I  suddenly  found  myself  in  a  most  de- 
lightful country,  such  as  the  poets  are  wont  to 
describe  the  isle  of  Cyprus  and  the  gardens 
of  Love  ;  it  was  bordered  by  two  little  rivers. 


THE  PALACE  OF  LOVE.  71 

one  of  which  was  sweet,  and  the  other  bitter 
Wilier..  .These  waters,  conducted  by  a  subter- 
ranean canal,  united  in  a  great  basin  of  white 
marble,  placed  in  the  middle  of  a  garden. 
After  I  had  promenaded  a  little,  to  admire  the 
beauty  of  the  trees,  and  respire  the  perfume 
of  the  flowers,  I  entered  into  a  long  and  mag- 
nificent walk,  planted  with  citrons  and  oranges  : 
upon  each  side  were  arbours,  adorned  inte- 
riorly with  paintings  and  sculpture,  and  sur- 
rounded without  by  jessamines,  laurels,  honey- 
suckles, and  other  shrubs.  At  the  extremity  of 
this  walk,  there  appeared,  in  perspective,  a 
large  and  superb  edifice,  which  was  called  the 
Palace  of  Love.  The  porticoes  were  of  the 
Doric  order :  upon  the  pedestals,  the  bases, 
the  columns,  the  cornices,  the  friezes,  the 
architraves^  and  the  chapters,  were,  in  half 
relief,  little  cupids,  who  disported  themselves 
in  all  sorts  of  gambols.  There  was  written 
upon  the  gate  in  letters  of  gold  upon  a  black 
ground,  this  inscription : — 

'  Behold  the  palace  of  the  happy. 
The  abode  of  lovers.' 

The  custody  of  the  gate  was  committed  to 


t>  »J 


:  w-*' 


V* 


72  THE  COUNTRl  AND 

a  woman  of  a  nymph  like  appearance  :  her 
name  was  Beauty.  She  was  tall  and  well 
proportioned :  her  features  were  regular,  and 
her  whole  appearance  so  seducing,  that  her 
name  seemed  to  answer  her  description  exact- 
ly. Her  garments  were  magnificent,  but  their 
transparency  permitted  the  sight  of  charms 
that  eclipsed  the  light.  The  whiteness  of  the 
snow  would  have  yielded  to  the  whiteness  of 
her  bosom  :  in  a  word,  she  had  about  her  that, 
I  know  not  what,  of  enchantment,  which,  no 
pencil  could  delineate,  or  language  describe. 
She  made  me  so  gracious  a  salutation,  that  I 
was  emboldened  to  request  of  her  a  conductor, 
to  show  me  the  apartments  of  the  palace. 

*'  Address  yourself,"  said  she,  "  to  the  In- 
troducer ;  he  is  lodged  in  this  wing,"  motion- 
ing me  with  her  right  hand  to  the  left  side  of 
the  edifice. 

I  thanked  her,  and  went  in  quest  of  the  In- 
troducer, who  was  at  the  same  time  the  In- 
spector of  this  smiling  country.  I  perceived 
in  him  an  old  man  with  along  beard.  He 
received  me  Avith  great  civility ;  and  having 
signified  to  him  my  desire,  he  told  me  that  he 


THE  PALACE  OF  LOVE.  73 

would  himself  conduct  me  to  the  foot  of  the 
throne  of  the  Queen.  He  girded  upon  his 
thigh  instead  of  a  sword,  a  long  sharp  scythe. 
He  took  for  a  cravat,  an  hour-glass  with  golden 
sand ;  and  for  a  hat,  a  bonnet  of  mercury  with 
wings.  To  do  me  honour,  he  preceded  me. 
We  entered  immediately  into  the  apartment 
of  the  girls,  which  was  separate  from  that  of 
the  women  who  have  arrived  at  maturity.  In 
perambulating  these  chambers,  I  saw  all  these 
girls  singularly  occupied :  there  were  some 
who  wept  with  jealousy  against  the  widows  ; 
others  were  filled  with  inquietudes,  not  daring 
to  avow  the  love  with  which  the  other  sex  had 
inspired  them.  "  My  lover,"  said  one,  '*  is 
extremely  cold  ;  he  is  too  timid ;  O  that  the 
same  privilege  of  declaring  our  inclinations 
was  permitted  to  us,  as  to  the  other  sex  !  I 
would  speak  a  language  to  him,  which  he 
should  respond." 

Seme  of  them  read  or  wrote  letters  ;  they 
used  a  great  deal  of  paper  in  that  business  ; 
for  in  order  to  say  that  they  would  not,  they 
destroyed,  recommenced,  destroyed  again, 
and  recomposed    the   same    lines ;    they   de- 

G 


74  THE  COUNTRY  AND 

sired  that  their  words  should  have  a  double 
meaning,  and  that  their  lovers  should  under- 
stand that,  which  they  had  no  intention  of 
making  them  comprehend.  Others,  placed 
before  their  mirrors,  studied  their  gestures, 
giving  expression  to  iheir  features,  endeavour- 
ing to  put  grace  into  their  smile,  and  gaiety 
into  their  laugh.  Certain  of  them,  plucked 
the  hair  from  the  chin  and  eye-brows  ;  others 
applied  plaster  to  their  faces  ;  many  of  them, 
to  cause  paleness  and  a  more  interesting  ap- 
pearance in  the  eyes  of  their  lovers,  ate  plas- 
ter, jet,  charcoal,  and  Spanish  wax,  contrary 
to  the  custom  of  the  French,  who  diligently 
avoid  those  substances  that  can  give  them  a 
yellow  appearance,  as  saffron,  pepper,  salt, 
and  every  thing  provocative. 

From  this  apartment,  I  passed  into  that  of 
the  married  women.  Some  of  them  grieved 
at  the  jealousy  of  their  husbands,  and  others 
at  the  avarice  of  theirs.  There  were  those 
who  caressed  their  spouses,  that  they  might 
the  more  easily  deceive  them :  there  were 
others  who  concealed  money  from  their  know- 
ledge, to  purchase  finery,  or  make  presents  to 


THE  PALACE  OP  LOVE.  75 

their  gallants :  there  were  others  who  made 
vows,  and  projected  pilgrimages,  to  the  end 
that  they  might  enjoy  the  company  of  those 
whom  they  could  not  otherwise  see :  and 
others,  who  spoke  continually  of  the  sweet- 
ness, of  the  handsome  mein,  and  good  pro- 
portions of  their  confessors.  Some  there  were, 
who  said  that  there  could  be  no  pleasure  more 
consummate,  than  in  revenging  ones  self  upon 
ones  husband  ;  some,  also,  that  the  most  in- 
supportable torment  to  a  married  woman,  was 
to  be  obliged  to  answer  the  caresses  of  a  hus- 
band whom  she  did  not  love  :  many,  that  the 
pleasantest  hour  was  that  passed  at  the  play 
with  a  gallant.  There  were  those  too  among 
them,  who  had  taken  their  waiting  maids  into 
confidence,  and  strove  to  engage  them  in  their 
interests  by  every  indulgence. 

Contiguous  to  this  place,  was  a  spacious 
pavilion  where  we  found  the  widows.  Some 
of  this  class  affected  austerity  and  modesty  ; 
but  others  gave  themselves  up  to  all  sorts  of 
folly.  Many  were  exceedingly  joyous,  al- 
though they  were  in  mourning  :  many  were 
sad,   because   black   did   not  become   them ; 


76  THE  COUNTRY  AND 

many,  on  the  contrary,  judged  that  crape  was 
their  chiefest  ornament,  and  that  it  served  best 
to  exhibit  the  brilliant  whiteness  of  their  com- 
plexion. The  old  widows  wished  to  imitate 
the  young,  while  these  sought  to  improve 
their  time  to  the  best  advantage.  Those  who 
exhibited  the  most  lassitude,  were  generally 
young  widows,  who  waited  with  impatience 
for  the  year  of  mourning  to  expire  ;  but  others 
spent  their  time  cursing  the  memory  of  their 
husbands,  who  had  prohibited  second  nuptials. 

I  was  soon  weary  of  my  visit  to  this  apart- 
ment; folly  and  libertinism  were  not  to  my 
taste.  My  conductor  perceiving  it,  took  me 
by  the  arm,  and  said  that  he  would  show  me 
the  amorous  devotees. 

"  Yet,  for  all  that,"  said  I,  "  love  and  de- 
votion can  hardly  agree ;  however,  let  us  see 
all." 

"Oh,  ho,"  said  Time;  "  yes,  true  devo- 
tion ;  but  know  that  it  is  as  rare  to  see  true 
devotees,  as  women  without  love :  these  same 
true  devotees  have  at  least  those  with  whom 
they  are  not  much  upon  their  guard,  and  when 
they  are  not  observed,  cannot  resist  the  seduc- 


THE  PALACE  OF  LOVE.  77 

tions  of  a  handsome  and  assiduous  cavalier  : 
in  default  of  that. they  take  their  confessor.'* 

Thus  conversing,  we  entered  into  the  apart- 
ment of  the  devotees.  Almost  all  prayed  to  God, 
either  for  the  health  or  the  return  of  a  lover : 
many  to  be  soon  married,  or  to  be  always 
handsome,  or  for  death  to  rid  them  of  a  rival. 
Some  of  these  women  performed  their  devo- 
tions while  waiting  for  their  gallants. 

As  the  character  of  these  women  had  in  it 
nothing  agreeable  to  me,  I  besought  my  con- 
ductor to  lead  me  to  the  abodes  of  the  men ; 
the  more,  because  I  would  hear  from  thence  a 
concert  of  instruments  ;  he  showed  me  the 
entrance  into  their  quarter.  I  found  in  the 
first  hall,  a  gi*eat  number  of  fiddlers  and 
pipers,  who  concerted  a  serenade  for  the  fol- 
lowing night.  In  the  second,  I  saw  men  who 
made  their  toilets,  and  arrayed  themselves  in 
new  garments,  of  the  favourite  colours  of  their 
mistresses.  In  the  third,  were  those  who  pre- 
pared to  send  presents  to  their  fair  friends. 
In  the  fourth,  were  lovers  who  put  themselves 
in  attitudes  to  fight  in  duel  with  their  rivals. 
In  the  fifth,  they  read  novels,  or  made  extracts 

g2 


78  THE  COUNTRY  AND 

from  them.  In  the  sixth,  were  the  old  fellows 
who  were  mad  for  love.  In  the  seventh,  were 
young  men  sick,  and  who  dared  not  disclose 
the  causes  of  their  indisposition.  In  the  eighth, 
married  men  did  that  for  their  mistresses, 
which  the  wives  did  for  their  gallants.  In  the 
ninth,  widowers  imitated  the  actions  of  the 
widows.  In  the  tenth,  in  fine,  the  gentlemen 
of  the  church  showed  themselves  more  amo- 
rous than  the  men  of  the  world,  because  they 
are  addicted  to  less  general  dissipation,  and 
have  fewer  opportunities  for  the  gratification 
of  their  inclinations. 

As  I  came  out  of  this  place,  I  heard  a  clock 
striking  with  a  heavy  sound,  and  reverberat- 
ing throughout  the  palace.  '*  What  is  that,'* 
said  I  to  Opportunity  ?" 

"  That,"  said  he,  marks  the  hour  for  pri- 
vate conversation  and  appointments ;  enter 
into  this  large  hall ;  you  shall  soon  see  a  great 
deal  of  the  world :  wait  for  me,  until  I  shall 
return  to  conduct  you  out  of  the  palace,  for 
otherwise  you  will  not  be  able  to  find  your 
way."  * 

I  went  into  the  hall,  in  which  were  a  great 


THE  PALACE  OF  LOVE.  79 

number  of  seats.  The  magnificence  of  tlie 
tapestry,  which  represented  the  fabulous  me- 
tamorphoses, corresponded  with  the  style  of 
the  edifice  :  at  the  extremity  was  a  throne  of 
ivory,  silver,  and  gold,  under  a  canopy  en- 
riched with  pearls  and  precious  stones.  When 
the  persons  of  both  sexes  had  entered  and  sat, 
a  woman  of  a  strange  figure,  and  clad  in  a 
very  whimsical  manner,  placed  herself  upon 
the  throne  ;  they  called  her  Passion.  Ano- 
ther woman,  whom  they  called  Folly ,^  sat  near 
her,  and  spake  as  if  she  was  the  queen's  chan- 
cellor. Forthwith  this  princess  began  to  set 
forth  the  advantages  that  had  been  gained  over 
the  empire  of  Reason,  who  had  been  for  a 
long  time  her  enemy.  While  she  was  speak- 
ing, a  stately  dame  named  Jealousy,  prome- 
naded through  every  part  of  the  hall :  she 
inspired  some  with  fear,  and  made  others 
laugh ;  at  length  she  came  near  me,  and  said — 

"It  is  not  without  some  purpose,  you  are 
here  and  separate  from  the  rest ;  perhaps  you 
are  more  fortunate." 

I  answered,  that  "  I  found  myself  there 
without  any  particular  design." — "Excellent," 


80  THE  COUNTRY  AND 

replied  she,  retiring;  and  from  time  to  time 
she  revisited  the  place  where  I  was,  to  see  if 
some  girl  did  not  come  to  join  me.  As  I  di- 
vined her  thoughts,  I  strove  to  give  her  un- 
easiness ;  I  affected  to  exhibit  the  same  my- 
self;  I  looked  anxiously  from  one  side  to  the 
other,  as  if  I  had  expected  some  one.  I  re- 
marked this  woman  made  the  same  motions. 

When  the  queen  had  finished  her  discourse, 
many  persons  presented  petitions,  which  were 
all  forthwith  granted.  After  that,  the  princess 
announced  to  all  her  votaries,  that  she  granted 
them  the  propitious  moment,  and  retired.  Im- 
mediately each  one  presented  his  hand  to  his 
partner,  and  hastened  from  the  hall.  Some 
went  into  chambers,  and  others  walked  about. 
There  was  no  one  but  Jealousy  remaining  in 
the  chamber  where  I  was ;  she  promenaded 
about  the  hall,  murmuring : — 

*'  I  shall  see,"  said  she :  "  I  will  watch ; 
I  will  discover :  I  will  hinder :  I  will  talk  :  I 
shall  not  be  inactive.  Ah,  good,"  cried  she 
to  me  with  vivacity  ;  *'  what  do  you  do  here  ? 
depart,  I  wish  to  close  the  gate." 

As  I  expected  my  guide,  I  was  not  willing 


THE  PALACE  OF  LO\'E.  81 

to  go  out,  lest  I  might  lose  myself  in  this  vast 
edifice.  "  I  wish  to  wait  here  for  Opportuni- 
ty," said  I,  "  who  ordered  me  to  remain  in 
this  hall,  till  he  should  come  to  rejoin  me." 

"  Reckon  not,"  replied  she,  "  upon  this  old 
dotard ;  he  will  not  return  ;  he  is  gone  upon 
the  stream,  with  the  others  :  believe  me  ;  quit 
this  place  :"  and  thus  speaking,  she  took  me 
by  the  shoulders,  and  thrust  me  out. 

I  walked  upon  the  garden  terrace  until  I 
saw  descend  a  silken  ladder.  I  immediately 
thought  that  this  was  an  invitation  made  to 
me,  and  thinking  of  nothing  but  the  novelty 
of  the  adventure,  I  ascended.  I  entered  by  a 
window  into  a  chamber,  where  I  saw  a  man 
and  a  young  girl  sitting  at  table :  they  w^ere 
both  surprised  at  my  presence,  but  especially 
the  young  cavalier,  who  remained  immovable : 
presently  recovering  himself,  and  addressing 
himself  to  the  lady  : — 

"Ingrate,  this  is  then  the  manner  in  which 
you  betray  me  !  you  have  then  certainly  two 
lovers,  and  perhaps  fifty  ?" 

"Me,  sir!"  said  she;  "I  swear  to  you  I 
know  not  this  gentleman ;  assuredly  he  has 


82  THE  COUNTRY  AND 

made  a  mistake,  in  taking  my  window  for 
that  of  some  other." 

"  Yes,  yes,  he  is  deceived,  but  it  is  in  these 
two  particulars ;  that,  in  the  first  place,  he 
thought  me  gone  ;  and  secondly,  in  taking  my 
ladder,  for  that  you  are  accustomed  to  hang 
out  for  his  accommodation ;  but  he  shall  re- 
pent it.'* 

Immediately  drawing  his  sword,  and  taking 
his  dagger  in  the  other  hand,  he  would  have 
stabbed  his  mistress.  I  also  drew  my  sword, 
and  put  myself  before  the  lady,  to  guard  her 
from  the  blows  of  this  madman  :  he  dealt  me 
several  lunges,  which  I  parried ;  I  drove 
him  to  the  window,  and  as  he  perceived  him- 
self hotly  pressed,  he  sprang  out,  which  gave 
me  immense  chagrin.  The  lady  had  left  the 
chamber ;  I  sought  her  in  vain,  and  the  agita- 
tion of  this  circumstance  awoke  me. 

I  leave  it  to  the  consideration  of  the  reader, 
if  this  vision  is  not  a  faithful  image  of  profane 
love  :  this  is  the  beauty  that  seduces  us  ;  this 
is  the  time  we  improve ;  this  is  the  passion 
which  governs  us  ;  this  is  the  jealousy  which 
torments  us ;  this  is  the  hour  of  temptation : 


i  THE  PALACE  OF  LOVE.  83 

a  rendezvous,  a  private  conversation,  a  walk. 
This  is  that  violent  motion  which  leads  to 
crime.  I  leave  also  to  the  reader,  to  make  his 
own  reflections  upon  the  occupations  of  lovers, 
upon  their  desire  of  pleasure,  upon  their  in- 
trigues, upon  their  pains.  I  am  persuaded 
that  no  one  can  have  an  idea  upon  the  subject, 
without  disapproving  of  the  wanderings  of 
love.  It  is  not  reason  which  rules  in  the 
palace  I  have  traversed:  for  reason  is  an 
enemy  whom  they  attack,  whom  they  disarm, 
whom  they  put  far  from  them,  although  she  is 
but  a  kind  friend,  who  never  takes  up  arms 
but  to  succour  us. 


84  THE  WORLD. 

FIFTH   NIGHT. 

THE  WORLD. 

If  a  man  of  genius,  or  one  only  of  ordinary 
discernment,  could  view  the  interior  of  the 
world,  he  would  feel  indignant  at  himself  even 
for  living  with  so  much  degradation ;  he  could 
not  prevent  himself  from  pitying  or  despising 
those  who  are  attached  to  it,  and  who  allow 
themselves  to  be  deceived  by  its  seductions 
and  artifices.  There  is  hardly  a  person  who 
speaks  as  he  thinks ;  one  never  sees  the  in- 
tention of  the  actor ;  honesty  and  knavery 
have  often  an  air  of  resemblance  ;  truth  and 
hypocrisy  appear  like  sisters  of  the  same  fa- 
ther ;  civility  and  curiosity  assume  the  same 
colours  ;  friendship  and  interest  are  with  dif- 
ficulty distinguished. 

These  reflections  occurred  to  me  while 
walking  in  my  garden ;  I  entered  into  a  sum- 
mer house,  favourable  for  meditation,  and  in- 
clined to  slumber  by  the  coolness  of  the  shade, 
and  the  murmur  of  a  neighbouring  rill,  fell 


THE   WORLD.  85 

I  asleep.  During  my  repose,  I  I'ancied  myselt 
'  in  the  midst  of  a  great  city,  called  Hypocrisy. 
They  informed  me  that  it  was  the  capital  of 
the  internal  world,  and  bore  the  same  relation 
to  it,  that  Rome  did  to  the  external  world,  in 
the  time  of  the  emperors.  It  was  here  the 
king  of  the  internal  world  usually  resided  ;  he 
was  called  Self  Love ;  and  although  he  had 
this  appellation,  which  is,  for  the  most  part, 
in  rather  bad  odour,  he  was  dear  to  his  sub- 
jects, who  made  it  their  chiefest  glory  to  imi- 
tate him,  and  had  no  other  object  than  the 
honour  of  their  sovereign.  The  two  principal 
ministers  of  this  king,  were  Interest  and  Am- 
^hion :  the  governor  of  the  city  was  Pleasure... 
The  guards  of  his  majesty  were  designated  by 
the  names  of  other  human  passions  ;  the  gen- 
tlemen of  his  court  w^ere  lackeys,  well  ac- 
coutred ;  the  farmers  of  the  revenue  called 
themselves  ministers  of  finance :  the  lawyers, 
counsellors  of  the  king:  the  thieves, Jw^/^es 
of  police  :  the  grooms  of  the  stable,  eqiieries 
of  the  king :  the  mountebanks,  physicians : 
^he  bankers,  masters  of  accounts:  the  clerks 
of   the -church,    abbots:    the    clerks    of   the 

II 


86  THE  WORLD. 

palace,  secretaries :  the  students,  doctors* 
There,  tailors'  wear  velvet  and  gold  lace ; 
coblers  are  cordwainers  to  the  king ;  gam- 
ing houses,  academies  :  discreditable  places, 
houses  of  good  society :  pimps,  convenient 
people  :  coquettes,  ladies  of  honour :  women 
of  pleasure,  devotees  :  black  girls,  handsome 
brunettes :  in  fine,  coquetry  is  friendship : 
usury,  economy:  deceit,  wisdom,  or  pru- 
dence :  malice,  wit :  cowardice,  equanimity 
of  temper :  temerity,  valour :  parasites  ^ire 
amiable  people  :  slanderers,  free  people  :  and 
in  like  manner  of  others  ;  for  in  this  country 
we  perceive  every  thing  to  be  contrary  to  that 
we  see  in  the  external  world. 

As  I  promenaded  the  streets  of  this  city,  I 
met  an  old  man,  who  inquired  of  me  if  I 'was 
a  stranger. 

"  Yes,  I  am,"  said  I. 

"  That  is  very  apparent,  from  the  surprise 
you  testify  at  the  novelties  of  this  city ;  but 
if  you  choose,  I  will  show  you  things  that 
will  astonish  you  much  more :  come  into  my 
house." 

Having  accepted  this  courteous  invitation, 


THE  WORLD.  87 

he  preceded  me  without  ceremony,  observ- 
ing, that  this  was  the  custom  in  France. 

"  Oh,  signor,"  said  I,  "it  is  no  more  than 
justice,  that  you  should  be  free  in  your  own 
house  ;  and  I  know  that  it  is  the  French  hu- 
mour, not  to  accord  precedence  upon  such  oc- 
casions :  because  he  who  first  enters,  escapes 
closing  the  gate  upon  the  inside." 

We  found  in  the  chamber  of  this  old  man, 
two  young  friars,  preparing  to  go  abroad. 
They  assured  us,  they  could  not  remain  any 
longer,  because  their  superior  had  ordered 
them  to  be  present  at  a  funeral  procession,  to 
get  their  wax  taper,  and  customary  gratuity. 

"  What  admirable  charity  in  these  people," 
said  I,  "  who  go  to  a  funeral,  not  to  pray,  but 
to  gain." 

Soon  after,  hearing  a  chanting,  we  looked 
from  the  window  to  learn  the  cause.  We 
saw  a  funeral  procession,  in  which  were  ar- 
ranged many  priests  and  religious,  with  a  long 
file  of  relations.  It  was  a  woman  whom  they 
carried  to  the  grave  ;  the  husband  was  almost 
mad ;  and  I  said  to  my  old  friend,  "  My  God  ! 
this  man  is  extremely  afflicted !" 


88     '  THE  WORLD. 

"  Do  you  believe  that  ?"  answered  he : 
"  listen  to  what  he  says,  when  he  arrives  op- 
posite." 

In  fact,  when  he  came  near  the  house,  I 
heard  him  say,  "I  am  not  so  very  unhappy 
after  all !  she  has  wasted  the  half  of  my  for- 
tmie :  she   has  been  sick  in  bed  at  my  ex- 
pense these  last  six  months  ;  and  her  obsequies 
will  cost  me  a  thousand  crowns  !  Ah,  Lord !" 
cried  he  in  a  lOud  voice,  "  why  is  she  dead  ? 
and  why  did  you  not  take  me  first  ?  or  rather, 
good  Lord,  why  did  you  not  take  her  before 
she  had  dissipated  my  money  V     At  length, 
reverting  to  a  more  pleasant  theme,  "  I  must," 
said  he,  "  marry  Lucilla :  she  having  been  a 
serving  girl,  will  not  be  fond  of  ostentation ; 
she  knows  nothing  about  luxuries,  since  she 
cannot  even  read.     To  be  sure,  being  young 
and  inexperienced,  she  made  a  misstep  ;  but 
the  remembrance  of  her  fault  will  make  her 
wary.     Of  the  two  maids  my  wife  kept,  I 
shall  discharge  one  ;  so  in  three  or  four  years 
I  shall  save  the  expense  of  this  burial."     "I 
gain  by  this  chance,"  said  a  relation  of  the 
deceased,  who  came  next:  "I  gain  ten  Ihou- 


THE    WORLD.  89 


»» 


sand  crowns,  because  she  died  intestate.' 
"  This  pest  of  a  woman,"  said  a  maid  servant 
who  followed,  "  never  failed  to  take  advantage 
of  every  opportunity,  and  yet  entertained  an 
extreme  jealousy  of  my  master  and  me." 

"  Zounds  !"  said  I  to  the  old  man,  "  these 
people  are  very  smcere  I" 

"  The  things  you  see  here,"  observed  he, 
"  are  those  which  are  concealed  in  the  exter- 
nal world  ;  but  if  now,  you  have  any  curiosity 
to  know  with  Avhat  occupations  widows  be- 
guile the  time,  after  the  death  of  their  hus- 
bands, step  with  me  a  couple  of  paces  and 
you  shall  see," 

I  directly  consented;  the  object  appearing 
well  worth  the  trouble.     There  was  at  the  / 

distance  of  three  or  four  doors  from  this 
chamber  a  grand  apartment,  the  entrance  of 
which  was  hung  with  black,  and  the  stair-case 
covered  with  the  same  material.  We  went 
in,  and  after  traversing  a  long  hall,  garnished 
in  the  same  manner,  entered  into  a  little 
room,  the  tapestry  of  which  was  black  velvet ; 
tlie  bed  of  beautiful  red  damask,  covered  with 
black  crape,  with  silver  fringe.     In  it  reposed 

H  2 


90  '    THE    WORLD. 

a  young  lady  of  the  most  conspicuous  loveli 
ness,  one  of  the  fairest  I  liave  ever  beheld. 
I  offered  her  my  condolences  upon  the  death 
of  her  husband,  whom  my  old  friend  had  in- 
formed me  was  a  gentleman  of  the  sword,  and 
a  loyal  subject  of  the  king — Self-love.  She 
answered,  smiling  in  the  most  affable  manner, 
that  she  was  highly  sensible  of  my  politeness, 
and  that  she  felt  very  happy  that  the  death 
of  her  husband  had  procured  her  the  pleasure 
of  my  acquaintance. 

"  Oh!"  exclaimed  I,  to  myself,  "  what 
affliction!  but  let  us  examine  a  little  farther." 

I  approached  the  bed,  and  sat  down  upon 
a  sofa  near  by :  we  conversed  upon  many 
things  indifierently,  and  at  length  came  upon 
the  adventures  of  young  widows.  At  this 
period  of  the  conversation,  raising  herself  up 
to  take  her  handkerchief,  she  exposed  to  my 
view,  with  a  beautiful  shoulder,  a  neck  fairer 
than  moonlight.  Just  as  this  sight  had  in- 
spired me  with  love,  I  heard  a  man  snore, 
who  was  upon  the  other  side  of  the  bed. 
She  drew  the  curtain,  and  gave  the  gallant  a 
slight  cuff,  saying,  "  you  are  very  imperii- 


THE    M'ORLD.  91 

nent  to  sleep  thus  near  a  lady  in  bed."  The 
other  awaking,  was  going  to  revenge  himself 
upon  the  lady  for  her  slight  buflet. 

"  No,  no,"  said  I,  "  do  not ;  I  should 
rather  be  punished  myself." 

Both  of  them  then  began  to  turn  their  rail- 
lery upon  me.  Perceiving  this,  I  left  the 
chamber,  beckoning  the  old  man  to  follow. 
I  was  greatly  scandalized  at  such  conduct, 
and  my  companion  did  nothing  but  laugh. 
What  people  you  have  here  !  amiable  widows  ! 

Some  hours  afterwards,  I  accidentally  met 
in  the  street,  the  beau  whom  I  parted  with  at 
the  widow's. 

"  It  is  thus,"  said  this  man,  accosting  me, 
^'  that  widows  console  themselves,  and  re- 
deem the  time  they  may  have  lost  with  a 
cross,  jealous,  or  avaricious  husband." 

"  You  understand  these  matters  well," 
answered  I ;  "  and  madam  M^ill  soon  forget 
her  loss." 

Conferring  thus  together,  we  became  fami- 
liar :  he  was  anxious  to  learn  my  name,  and 
told  me  his  own,  which  was  Joy. 

"  I  am   not    astonished,"    said   I,    "  the 


92  THE    WORLD. 

beauty  listened  to  you.  A  quarter  of  an  hour 
spent  in  your  society,  will  abundantly  recom- 
pense her  for  the  sad  and  weary  years  passed 
with  a  jealous  spouse." 

When  the  old  man  saw  us  thus  pleased 
with  each  other,  he  said  he  would  leave  me 
in  the  company  of  this  honest  person,  and 
that  he  should  expect  me  at  his  house  to  sup- 
per, after  the  play,  to  which  we  had  deter- 
mined to  ffO. 

At  the  theatre  we  saw  comedies  about  equi- 
valent to  our  tragedies  ;  and,  in  fact,  of  so 
close  a  resemblance,  that  one  might  almost 
fancy  them  the  same.  The  story  of  the  one 
I  saw  was  this  : — Two  young  persons  met  at 
the  house  of  a  mutual  friend,  to  concert  mea- 
sures to  gain  the  consent  of  their  parents  to 
their  marriage  :  their  degree  was  not  equal ; 
the  girl  was  nobly  born,  and  an  heiress  ;  the 
young  man  poor,  and  the  son  of  a  merchant. 
They  both  promised  to  put  in  requisition 
every  possible  method  that  could  be  devised, 
to  vanquish  the  opposition  of  the  old  folks 
upon  whom  they  depended.  The  young  man 
said  he  would  make  himself  an  advocate,  and 


THE    M'OIILD.  93 

afterwards  a  counsellor  in  parliament ;  the  ex- 
pence  of  which  he  could  easily  defray  in  one  , 
year  after  his  marriage,  with  the  help  of  his 
wife's  dowry.  The  girl,  on  her  part,  pro- 
mised not  to  refuse  him  any  token  of  affection ; 
and  agreeable  to  their  plan,  she  was  to  inform 
her  mother  that  she  was  pregnant'by  Signor 
Virodeno ;  for  thus  was  her  lover  called.  In 
order  to  the  furtherance  of  this  design,  they 
instigated  their  friend  to  pretend  -to  betray 
them,  and  to  apprise  the  parents  of  both  par- 
ties of  what  was  passing.  The  parents 
hastened  to  the  spot ;  the  lovers  came 
promptly  from  the  chamber  ;  they  both  heaped 
reproaches  upon  their  daughter,  and  as  the 
mother  was  about  to  strike  her,  she  declared 
herself  pregnant.  "  Unhappy  wretch,"  ex- 
claimed her  mother,  "  you  will  always  be  a 
grief  to  me ;  you  will  bring  dishonour  upon 
the  family :  I  will  strangle  you  on  the  spot." 
"  Stop,"  said  her  husband,  "  you  will  only 
expose  yourself  to  be  hanged  :  we  must  think 
rather  now  to  conceal  this  disgrace."  "  No, 
no,"  said  the  mother ;  "  let  me  stab  her  to 
death   with   this   knife."      She   would    have 


94  THE    WORLD. 

executed  her  resolution,  had  not  her  more 
discreet  husband  disarmed  her,  saying,  "  re- 
I  collect  yourself,  madam ;  you  were  in  the 
I  same  situation  when  I  married  you  ;  and  if 
I  your  mother  had  killed  you,  you  would  not 
\  to-day  have  made  all  this  uproar."  But  as 
she  continued  to  give  way  to  fresh  paroxysms 
of  indignation,  her  husband  enforced  his  rea- 
sons with  some  wholesome  correction.  He 
subsequently  conferred  with  the  parents  of 
the  lover,  who  promised  to  do  every  thing 
for  the  advancement  of  their  son,  in  consider- 
ation of  the  rank  of  the  young  lady's  family, 
with  whom  they  would  not  be  at  variance. 
The  company  then  gave  a  loose  to  mirth ; 
they  found  out  the  young'  couple  were  well 
matched ;  they  busied  themselves  in  prepar- 
ations for  the  nuptials,  and  sent  to  apprise  the 
young  man,  who  had  taken  refuge  at  the 
house  of  the  governor  of  the  city.  He  came, 
accompanied  by  the  proper  officers  ;  the  mar- 
riage was  celebrated ;  nothing  was  wanting 
at  the  feast,  and  they  parted  on  the  best  of 
terms.  All  this  scene  was  in  such  perfect 
keeping,  that  the  young  espoused  were  married 


THE  WORLD.  95 

at  the  house  of  the  maternal  father-in-law, 
who  himself  did  the  honours  of  friendship. 
Thus  they  conclude  marriages  and  other  mat- 
ters :  so  that  there,  one  can  see  the  minds  of 
people,  and  the  purpose  of  every  man's 
action. 

At  the  palace  it  is  the  same  ;  every  thing  is 
laid  open ;  the  advocates  plead  not,  but  pro 
honorario ;  the  solicitors  think  of  nothino* 
but  prolonging  the  suits  by  those  incidents 
they  themselves  devise  ;  and  the  judges,  for 
the  purpose  of  enhancing  their  fees,  deliver  a 
hundred  judgments,  when  one  would  answer. 
As  a  specimen  of  their  method,  take  the  fol- 
lowing decree : 

"  Having  taken  into  consideration  the  peti- 
tion of  Signor  Tliief^  solicitor  to  the  lord 
Stupid,  the  court  do  order,  that  the  parties 
have  day  in  court,  for  the  space  of  four  years, 
that  the  fees  may  absorb  the  sum  of  three 
hundred  pounds,  which  must  be  expended  in 
this  suit.  Done  at  our  court  of  the  palace  of 
hypocrisy,  at  the  winter  term  of  the  current 
year.     Pecunia,  President." 

What  I  have  related  of  the  palace,  is  to  ex-  - 


96  THE  WORLD. 

emplify  the  spirit  tliat  reigns  in  this  city  ;  the 
same  influence  governs  the  court,  the  army, 
the  treasury,  and  the  theatre.  There  were  in 
a  box  adjoining  ours,  at  the  latter  place,  two 
men,  who  discoursed  concerning  the  sale  of 
certain  merchandize.  The  seller  said,  "  I 
wish  you  to  give  fifty  thousand  livres,  for 
what  cost  me  thirty ;  but  I  wish  to  make  a 
thousand  crowns  profit."  The  other  was  not 
willing  to  give  more  than  a  hundred  pistoles. 
At  last  they  agreed  upon  the  thousand  crowns, 
upon  condition  that  the  seller,  who  was  a 
steward,  should  give  to  the  purchaser  the 
titles  to  the  rents  of  certain  farms,  without  the 
knowledge  of  his  lord,  and  upon  which  event 
the  purchaser  was  also  to  give  a  feast.  After 
the  play,  I  went  to  seek  my  old  friend ;  upon 
meeting  him,  he  informed  me  that  the  king, 
Self-love,  was  fallen  ill ;  and  that  on  account 
of  his  indisposition,  the  whole  city  prepared 
to  testify  their  gratitude. 

"  How,"  said  I,  "  can  you  think  of  diver- 
sions, wlicn  the  father  of  the  country  lies 
sick?" 

'*  Yes,"  said  lie,  "  it  becomes  us  to  rejoice ; 


THE  WORLD.  97 

it  would  be  hypocrisy  to  do  otherwise,  when 
we  have  a  prospect  of  changing  our  master." 

"  In  the  world  of  which  I  am  an  inhabitant," 
rejoined  I,  "  we  feel  the  most  lively  sorrow, 
if  our  prince  falls  sick  ;  and  our  rfeligion  com- 
mands us  to  offer  up  prayers  for  his  health." 

"And  we,"  answered  the  good  man,  "  are 
taught  to  rejoice  ;  for  we  have  no  other  policy 
than  interest,  and  to  which  vour  religion  is 
opposed." 

"  If  Self-love  should  die,"  said  I,  "  you 
would  perhaps  be  governed  by  a  less-  popular 
king.  Pleasure,  who  aspires  to  the  crown, 
Interest,  nor  either  of  the  other  princes  of  the 
blood,  would  exercise  a  dominion  so  happy 
and  sweet.  These  princes  are  naturally  proud, 
cruel,  and  vindictive  :  in  the  place  of  which, 
Self-love  is  often,  nay,  almost  always  soli- 
citous for  the  preservation  of  his  subjects." 

The  conversation  turned  upon  this  topic, 
for  some  time.  The  old  man,  contrary  to  the 
usual  spirit  of  aged  people,  was  desirous  that 
Pleasure  should  succeed  to  the  throne.  As 
for  myself,  I  maintained  that  the  nation  would 
be  less  happy,  under  such  a  sway.    After  our 

I 


98  THE  WORLD. 

soup,  he  wanted  to  carry  me  to  see  the  fire- 
works, and  the  ball  the  governor  gave  upon 
the  occasion.  I  refused  to  go ;  these  thmgs 
seeming  to  me  very  ridiculous,  on  account  of 
the  cause  that  elicited  them.  The  old  man 
was  much  offended  at  my  refusal ;  he  told  me 
that  I  was  a  sour,  dissatisfied  man,  and  an 
enemy  to  the  general  joy.  I  replied,  that  he 
was  an  old  fool,  and  that  if  he  molested  me 
any  more,  I  would  throw  him  out  of  the  win- 
dow, and  put  his  family  to  the  sword. 

At  this  moment  we  heard  the  cry  of  fire  in- 
the  house  ;  and  the  common  danger  caused 
us  to  forego  our  quarrel.  The  uproar  was 
caused  by  a  servant  girl,  who,  because  her 
mistress  refused,  from  some  cause  or  other, 
to  pay  her  wages,  had  set  fire  to  the  house, 
from  motives  of  revenge.  They  pretended  to 
extinguish  it  in  a  very  curious  manner,  which 
was,  by  throwing  on  light  stuffs,  soaked  in 
oil.  I  dreamt  that  a  great  sheet  of  flame  sud- 
denly enveloped  me  :  I  awoke  on  the  instant, 
crying  that  I  was  in  a  house  environed  :  and 
thinking  the  noise  I  heard  came  from  the 
flame,— I  cried,  ''•jirt  /"  A  servant  that  was 


THE  WORLD.  99 

seeking  me  in  the  garden,  ran,  upon  hearing 
me,  and  told  me  that  some  one  waited  to  see 
me.  When  I  had  finished  my  business  with- 
this  person,  my  dream  caused  me  much  re- 
flection ;  the  more  I  thought  upon  it,  the 
closer  seemed  the  resemblance  to  what  is 
taking  place  in  the  world  :  in  fact,  it  is  Self- 
love  that  reigns,  and  these  are  the  passions 
that  govern  us ;  and  whoever  could  see  the 
heart  and  soul  of  men,  would  find  them  arrant 
hypocrites.  The  world  itself  is  the  city  of 
Hypocrisy.  It  is  in  this  city,  that  interest, 
ambition,  pleasure,  vengeance,  anger,  and  all 
other  evil  passions  conceal  themselves.  The 
more  I  examine,  the  more  clearly  these  truths 
appear : — That  whosoever  could  disabuse  him- 
self for  a  single  moment,  would  be  so,  for  the 
remainder  of  his  life  :  and  he  who  really  de- 
sires to  know  himself  and  the  world,  would 
learn  from  observation,  more  than  he  has  an 
idea  of.  Thej\yorld  is,  of  all  things,  the  most 
difficult  to  understand,  and  that  which  one 
ought  to  know  the  best.  There  is  no  person 
who  distrusts  himself;  consequently,  there  is 
no  one  who  realizes,  that  it  is  deceptive,  filled 


100  THE  WORLD. 

with  self-love,  attached  to  its  own   interests, 
seeking  its  ov/n  gratifications,  vain,  unquiet, 
restless,  presumptuous,  vindictive,  pure  out- 
wardly, criminal  within,  lovely  and  fair  in  ap- 
pearance— deserving,  at  bottom,  of  hatred  and 
contempt :  and  what  is  still  more  incompre- 
hensible about  this  same  world,  is,  there  is 
hardly  an  individual  who  doth  not  love  it; 
they  lose  by  this  love,  and   they  know  of  a 
surety,  that  it  is  to  this  attachment  they  must 
attribute  their  losses  :  meanwhile,  it  pleases 
all :  they  seek  after  it ;  they  wish  to  serve  it ; 
they  abandon  to  it  all  which  they  hold  most 
dear.     Some  sacrifice  to  it  their  honour  for 
pleasure  J  others    their  lives  for  glory ;  and 
some  surre'nder  their  repose  for  the  poor  am- 
bition of  fortune.     But  it  was   for  us,   the 
world  was  created  ;  and  that  is  really  the  vic- 
tim one    ought  to   sacrifice,  to  preserve   his 
honour,  to  enjoy  eternal  pleasures,  to  acquire 
true  glory,  and  amass  treasures,  that  neither 
rust  nor  envy  can  spoil. — Think  not,  my  dear 
reader,  what  I  liave  here  presented  to  you,  a 
dream,   a  vision ;  it  is  more  real   tlian  you 
imagine. 


HELL.  101 


SIXTH    NIGHT. 


HELL. 


I  HAD  been,  during  the  aiitunm,  at  the 
country  house  of  one  of  my  friends.  In  the 
parish  where  he  resided,  that  had  not  seen  its 
bishop  for  thirty  years,  there  had  recently 
been  settled  a  new  curate,  a  fluent  preacher, 
and  very  much  devoted  to  the  instruction  of 
his  flock — reading  every  Sunday  homilies  and 
sermons,  and  the  greater  and  lesser  catechisms. 
One  day,  I  went  to  hear  one  of  the  familiar 
exhortations,  which  he  usually  gave  to  his 
people,  concerning  heaven  and  hell:  he  de- 
picted the  latter  in  such  strong  colours,  that 
the  whole  audience  were  moved ;  and  each 
whispered  to  himself,  O  frightful  residence  ! 
Full  of  these  ideas  myself,  I  returned  to  sup 
at  my  entertainer's  house.  After  quitting  the 
table,  I  extended  myself  on  a  couch  ;  and  my 
friend,  seeing  me  soon  overcome  with  a  plea- 
sant slumber,  for  we  had  fared  sumptuously, 
left  me,  to   enjoy  himself  the  same  refresh- 

i2 


102'        ^^       -^-^HELL. 

ment.  During  sleep,  I  dreamed  that  I  was 
at  the  outlet  of  an  extensive  forest,  from 
whence  diverged  two  roads,  the  one  smooth 
and  broad,  the  other  rough,  covered  with 
stones  and  ditches,  thorns,  and  thick  entan- 
gled bushes.  I  pursued  the  first,  in  which  I 
remarked  many  houses  of  pleasure,  and  mul- 
titudes of  people,  who  travelled  in  carriages, 
on  horseback,  or  on  foot,, at  a  moderate  pace, 
without  fatiguing  themselves.  One  might  see 
there,  persons  of  all  ages,  sexes,  conditions,  and 
estates;  one  might  find  there,  shops,  maga- 
zines, taverns,  play-houses,  and  societies  of 
women;  in  fine,  people  of  every  country  and 
religion.  I  was  not  surprised  that  many  came 
from  the  narrow  way  into  ours ;  but  I  was  great- 
ly so,  at  some  who  went  from  this  fine  road  into 
the  other,  which  caused  me  to  inquire  where  it 
terminated  :  as  to  ours,  I  thought  it  led  to  Ma- 
drid. Some  one  answered,  that  the  little  way 
conducted  to  Paradise  ;  and  the  one  where  I 
was,  directto  Hell.  I  pursued  my  journey  with- 
out making  any  other  reflection.  Having  tra- 
velled about  a  quarter  of  a  league,  I  began  to 
perceive  a  bad  odour,  as  of  sulphur  and  bitumen, 


HELL.  103 

and  supposed  it  proceeded  from  baths  of  min- 
eral waters,  which  diffused  a  strong  scent  at  a 
great  distance  around.  I  advanced  constantly, 
and  arrived  at  last  before  a  large  edifice,  which 
answered  the  description  of  Pluto's  palace,  as 
it  is  represented  in  fable.  I  found  at  the  gate 
an  immense  devil,  horrible  to  look  upon.  At 
this  apparition,  I  stepped  hastily  back,  two 
or  three  paces,  and  drew  my  sword,  suspect- 
ing that  some  one  was  thus  disguised,  to  do 
me  an  injury.  The  porter,  perceiving  my 
embarrassment,  approached,  telling  me  to  fear 
nothing  ;  for  he  was  thus  clothed,  to  deter  the 
saints,  who  constantly  endeavoured  to  abstract 
the  damned  from  hell. 

"  It  is  then  true,  that  this  is  hell,"  said  I. 

"  Yes,  at  your  service :  enter,  enter,  my  lord, 
one  had  better  come  here  living  than  dead." 

I  immediately  walked  in,  and  besought  a 
devil  whom  I  met,  to  show  me  the  apartments 
of  the  palace :  he  called  himself  Curiosity  ; 
this  was  his  appellation  of  war,  or  rather  that 
of  his  employment ;  for  as  angels  take  theirs 
from  their  offices  near  God  or  men,  so  like- 
wise demons   are  named,  from  the  services 


104  HELL. 

they  execute,  or  the  dignities  with  which  they 
are  invested. 

"  They  denominate  me  Curiosity,''''  said 
th*e  demon,  "because  it  is  I  who  inspire  men 
with  the  desire  of  seeing,  listening,  proving, 
and  tasting ;  and  as  it  is  curiosity  that  opens  the 
door  of  sin,  so  it  is  I  who  open  that  of  hell." 

"  You  may  conduct  me  there,"  said  I,  '*  on 
condition  that  you  bring  me  back  to  the  gate 
again,  after  I  have  examined  it ;  and  you  will 
oblige  me  still  farther,  by  leading  me  after- 
wards to  paradise,  which  I  would  also  visit." 

"  It  is  not  I,"  replied  Curiosity,  "  who  can 
conduct  you  thither,  and  open  the  door ;  the 
guide  of  the  way  is  Retirement,  the  porter, 
Virtue  ;  but  I  will  show  you  every  thing  wor- 
thy of  notice  here,  and  reconduct  you  to  the 
place  from  whence  I  take  you." 

"  Very  well,"  said  I,  and  followed  him. 

We  first  entered  into  a  spacious  court, 
where  the  devils  were  scourging  the  unhap- 
py, who  cried,  "  pardon,  pardon,  my  God ! 
I  did  not  reflect — I  did  not  believe — who  told 
me  of  these  things ;"  and  many  other  similar 
expostulations. 


HELL.  105 

*'  These,"  observed  the  devil,  "  are  people, 
that  have  come  to  hell  without  thinking  about 
it,  without  fear,  and  without  believing  it." 

"  They  were  then  honest  in  their  faith  ; 
but  why  punish  those  guilty  only  through 
ignorance  ?" 

"  The  devil  replied,"  they  ought  to  think 
upon  the  matter,  to  instruct  themselves,  and 
be  persuaded  that  hell  is  no  place  for  mercy — 
so  much  the  worse  for  them." 

I  passed  from  thence  into  a  great  chamber, 
where  there  were  many  men  gaming,  who 
swore  and  blasphemed  because  they  had  lost 
a  little  money,  or  played  a  bad  card.  "  Be- 
hold these  people,"  said  I  to  the  devil,  "  how 
impatient  and  hasty !" 

"  That  is  the  cause  of  their  being  here." 

In  another  room  we  found  comedians,  who 
mourned  at  their  captivity,  shut  up  for  having 
made  the  world  laugh.  Said  they  ;  "  if  by 
chance  some  equivocal  words  have  impressed 
the  spectators  with  evil  thoughts,  was  it  not 
rather  their  fault  than  ours  ?" 

"  Oh,"  said  the  devil  to  me,  "  if  they 
had  done    no    more    than  that,   they  should 


10^  HELL. 

scarcely  have  come  here ;  but  think  of  their 
lost  time,  knaveries,  and  secret  crimes  !  In 
the  terrestrial  paradise,  a  male  and  female 
comedian  enacted  a  scene,  that  hath  given  to 
the  devil  the  whole  human  race." 

*'  Ah !  w^ho  had  they  for  spectators  when 
they  were  alone  in  the  world  ?" 
.    k^"       *'  No,  it  is  not  the  comedy  which  damns 
the   players ;    it  is   what  passes'  behind  the 
scenes." 

In  the  following"  chamber  were  the  physi- 
cians and  their  suit :  they  composed  poisons 
for  themselves ;  they  took  the  doses  when 
prepared ;  they  bled  and  purged  themselves, 
and  tried  every  dangerous  and  disagreeable 
remedy  in  medicine,  surgery,  and  chemistry, 
to  procure  death  to  themselves,  and  could  not 
succeed. 

♦'  They  once  used  their  art,"  said  the 
devil,  "  for  a  bad  purpose,  and  now  their  art 
fails  them  at  their  utmost  need  :  do  what  they 
will,  they  cannot  die,  because  the  air  of  hell 
is  a  fire  which  purifies  and  conserves." 

In  a  cabinet  near  this  chamber,  were  a 
number   of    persons   endeavouring   to   make 


J 


l^JjX^'^  HELL.  107 

gold,  or  to  speak  more  plainly,  sought  to  dis- 
cover the  philosopher's  stone  :  among  them  I 
recognised  Tarnesier,  he  who  made  the  nail 
half  gold  and  half  iron,  which  is  in  the  mu- 
seum of  the  duke  of  Tuscany ;  also  a  duke 
of  Saxony,  and  a  duke  of  the  Medici,  who 
knew  how  to  make  gold  during  their  lives, 
but  forgot  the  secret  when  they  came  to  hell. 

"  Is,  then,  the  making  of  gold  so  heinous 
a  sin  ?"  inquired  I  of  the  devil. 

*'  No,"  answered  he,  "  but  it  is  a  grievous 
offence  not  to  know  how  to  make  it,  and  that 
is  the  reason  these  gentlemen  are  here." 

"  And  the  others,"  said  I,  "  who  never 
pretended  to  have  made  the  discovery  !" 

"  Oh,  they  have  not  passed  off  copper  for 
gold,  as  these  have  done." 

"  Let  me  see  the  devotees  now,"  said  I  to 
my  conductor;  "  they  are  a  species  of  hu- 
manity that  will  divert  me." 

"  You  are  right ;  these  are  the  fools  of  hell ; 
it  will  be  more  instructive  to  look  at  them 
than  those  of  this  apartment." 

As  we  repassed  the  chambers  we  had 
visited,  I  heard  some  one  exclaim,  •'  Look 


108  HELL. 

at  this  poor  devil,  who  knows  not  where  to 
bestow  himself;  Curiosity  is  seeking  a  lodg- 
ing for  him." 

"  Signor,"  said  one  of  them  to  me,  "  re- 
main here,  w^ith  the  devil's  permission,  if  you 
cannot  be  accommodated  elsewhere." 

I  passed  by  without  answer,  not  wishing 
to  hold  any  intercourse  with  the  damned.  I 
found  in  this  place  monks  and  devotees  who 
had  hated  one  another  so  rancorously,  that 
they  had  abused  the  most  holy  things  of  re- 
ligion, and  w^asted  the  time  of  the  church  in 
"giving  vent  to  their  malice,  and  afterwards 
would  excuse  their  conduct  in  terms  not  used 
in  the  world  but  to  express  the  most  moral, 
sacred,  and  holy  actions. 

"  Ah,  what  hypocrites,"   said  the  devil ; 
"  it  would  have  been  better  for  them,  if  they 
had   delivered    themselves    openly  to   those 
pleasures,  they  concealed  under  the  appear 
ances  which  deceive  the  vulgar." 

In  another  part  they  were  praying  after  this 
fashion : — "  Lord,  let  my  father  soon  taste 
the  joys  of  Paradise,  that  I  may  take  pos- 
session of  his  estate." — "Lord,  take  speedily 


HELL.  100 

my  uncle  to  thy  bosom,  that  I  may  have  his 
benefice." — "  Great  saint,  make  me  for- 
tunate at  play  ;  disdain  not  my  praj'er  ;  grant 
tliat  my  children  may  contract  opulent  mar- 
riages, and  prosper  in  the  world." — **  Let 
my  daughter  espouse  the  noble  Spaniard." — 
They  uttered  other  supplications  fully  as  ex- 
travagant, and  added  promises  and  vows. — 
"  I  will  give  a  hundred  crowns  to  the  poor, 
ornaments  to  my  church,  a  dowry  to  six  un- 
happy orphans,  two  wax  tapers,  and  a  chap- 
let  of  flowers  to  our  lady." — '*  I  will  wear  a 
dark  coloured  habit,"  said  one  girl ;  "  and  I 
a  white,"  said  another.  The  first  replies, 
*'  I  am  brunette,  the  violet  suits  my  com- 
plexion ;"  the  second,  *'  I  am  red,  the  white 
becomes  me  best."  _  n,^i  l*^^ 

Next  to  this  apartment  was  that  of  women 
and  girls  who  had  been  lovers,  and  whose 
number  was  very  considerable.  As  the  his- 
tory of  their  folly  w^as  similar,  I  felt  unwilling 
to  listen  to  it,  but  traversed  their  chamber 
without  stopping,  and  entered  into  the  quarter 
of  the  poets,  to  have  the  satisfaction  of  be 
holding  the  great  geniuses  of  antiquity.  There 

K 


110  ^      ^"-  HELL. 

I  was  much  surprised  to  find  Homer,  sitting 
in  the  midst  of  the  Grecian  poets,  and  reading 
his  own  Iliads  he  who  had  been  so  blind  du- 
ring his  life.  I  was  tempted  to  ask  him  some 
questions  respecting  his  works,  and  had  an 
idea  he  would  reply  in  verse.  With  this 
view  I  walked  round  the  circle  that  was 
formed,  and  spoke  in  these  terms  to  the 
prince  of  poets  : — *'  O,  illustrious  Homer  ! 
light  of  the  universe  !  author  of  the  most  sub- 
lime fictions  !  the  beauty  and  price  of  thy 
writings  surpass  the  grandeur  of  the  king  of 
Spain,  the  wisdom  of  Charlemagne,  the  abun- 
dance of  Ceres,  the  girdle  of  the  Graces,  the 
tenderness  of  Venus,  the  delicacies  of  Bac- 
chus, the  brightness  of  Aurora,  the  height  of 
heaven,  the  depth  of  hell,  the  vastidity  of 
the  ocean,  and  the  variety  of  the  world,  a 
Spaniard  who  wants  neither  spirit  nor  courage, 
of  Quevedo,  demands  of  thee  if  the  victory 
thou  hast  attributed  to  the  Greeks  before  Troy 
truly  belongg  to  them ;  and  if  Paris,  that  ten- 
der lover,  actuatly-...ijx.  vain  took  so  much 
trouble  to  carry  oft' their  chasfe  Helen." 
Homer,   rubbing   his    eyes,  answered   me 


HELL.  Ill 

thus  : — "  Here  there  must  needs  be  sincerity 
and  truth  ;  for  we  pay  dearly  for  the  boldness 
and  obloquy,  Uiat  weak  mortals  admire  :  our 
torments  are  eternal,  I  never  was  in  Ionia : 
1  passed  my  life  in  Greece ;  to  honour  this 
nation  I  sacked  Troy ;  a  city  strong,  rich, 
fortunate,  and  always  victorious,  and  that  was 
finally  destroyed  by  an  earthquake.  Helen, 
to  whom  I  have  accorded  the  honours  of  fidel- 
ity, was  the  least  scrupulous  of  all  our  frail 
damsels.  Leave  me  to  relent  over  what  hath 
charmed  all  the  poets  of  th«  world.  Go  from 
this  place,  and  tell  mortals  you  found  me 
reading,  against  my  inclination,  those  works 
that  have  attained  the  universal  suffrage." 

His  discourse  affected  me.     I  pitied  this 

old  man,  who  wept  upon  reading  his  poems  ; 

jbut  I  reflected  that  he  had  invented  all  those 

i fabulous  incidents,  to  which  both  pagans  and 

Christians  are  equally  attached.     Homer,  this 

-genius  who  knew  how  to  assume  so  many 

changes,  had  he  need  to  endow  with  heavenly 

.powers,  those  brave  men  whom  he  sent  to 

'  the  siege  of  Troy  ?  he  might  have  created 

heroes,   without  making   them   gods :    to  be 


,>/>>-" 


112  HELL. 

sure,  it  is  always  permitted  to  poets  to  feign 
and  magnify  their  subjects ;  or,  in  other 
words,  the  subjects  thus  aggrandised  and  ex- 
alted to  heaven  have  no  sublimity  but  in  poesy 
and  upon  paper,  like  the  figures  that  painters 
trace  on  canvass,  or  sculptors  upon  marble. 
How  could  the  Greeks  mistake  and  worship 
gods  who  had  such  an  origin  ?  however  the 
thing  has  happened,  Homer  is  the  cause,  and 
now  mourns  over  his  poetry  and  himself;  he 
has  for  companions  in  misery,  his  disciples 
and  imitators.  Ought  this  not  to  serve  as  a 
lesson  to  living  poets,  who,  abusing  their  ta- 
lents, compose  and  read  seductive  works, 
causing  those  who  think  themselves  in  a  con- 
dition  to  do  the  like,  to  lose  their  time,  and 
often  corrupting  the  heart  in  recreating  the 
mind. 

From  this  chamber  I  passed  into  that  of  the 
Latin  poets.  Ovid  and  Virgil  there  disputed 
the  throne.  Horace  chafed  that  he  was  not 
admitted  into  the  contest,  and  Martial  reveng- 
ed himself  upon  them  by  a  piquant  epigram. 
Horace  protested  against  the  whole  proceeding 
of  the  two  first ;  he  demanded  arbitrators,  and 


HELL.     '  113 

nominated  on  his  own  behalf  Scaliger,  who 
has  declared  that  he  would  rather  have  been 
the  author  of  the  ninth  ode,  than  the  pos- 
sessor of  the  crown  of  Arragon ;  but  they 
would  not  notice  him.  The  other  poets  es- 
poused the  party  that  suited  them  best :  many 
declared  for  Seneca  the  tragedian,  for  Terence, 
and  Plautus.  These  last,  read  in  a  corner  pf 
the  chamber  the  finest  passages  of  their  com- 
positions. They  now  began  to  talk  of  set- 
tling the  dispute  with  blows  :  fearing,  there- 
fore, that  I  might  get  an  unlucky  hit  in  the 
melee,  I  left  the  place,  and  passed  hastily  into 
the  chambers  of  the  Spaniards,  Italians, 
French,  English,  Turkish,  Chinese,  and  Per- 
sian. I  noticed  the  ancient  Gaulish  poets, 
crowned  with  misletoe  of  the  oak,  making 
processions,  and  singing  the  histories  of  their 
first  kings. 

"  Here,  upon  this  side,"  said  Curiosity  to 
me,  "  is  a  chamber  of  perfumers  ;  they  have 
fine  scents  for  the  gratification  of  the  damned  ; 
but  you  would  hardly  be  able  to  bear  them." 

"  I  will  take,"  said  I,  "  a  pinch  of 
snuff"." 

k2  ' 


114  HELL. 

I  drew  forth  my  box,  lielped  myself,  and 
offered  it  to  my  devil ;  he  tilled  his  nose,  but 
from  the  titilation  he  felt  in  his  olfactories,  he 
withdrew  his  fingers,  when  he  began  to  sneeze 
in  such  a  manner,  and  with  such  a  noise,  that 
hell  itself  seemed  sinking  under  us,  he  belched 
forth  fire  from  his  nose,  as  lightning  flashes 
from  a  cloud ;  he  put  his  fore-finger  to  it, 
and  there  issued  forth  a  rivulet  of  liquid  sul- 
phur, which  uniting  with  his  saliva,  formed 
a  torrent  of  boiling  water,  that  flowed  across 
the  chamber,  and  passed  through  the  doors 
and  windows  ;  without  that  I  believe  I  should 
have  been  drowned.  These  waters  fell  upon 
people  underneath,  who  began  to  call  for 
help,  thinking  a  river  of  melted  sulphur  and 
pitch  fell  upon  them.  The  devil  laughed 
heartily  at  this  disorder,  and  told  me  my 
snuff"  was  excellent :  he  asked  for  another 
pinch ;  I  did  not  dare  to  refuse  him,  because 
he  was  in  his  own  house  ;  and  such  a  refusal 
might,  perhaps,  have  made  him  regard  me 
as  impolite.  But  this  time,  when  I  put 
my  fingers  into  the  box,  the  powder  took  fire 
as  if  it  had  been  saltpetre,  and  burnt  in  my 


HELL.  1  1  5 

nands,  at  wliich  accident  I  was  not  sorry, 
being  apprehensive  of  another  disorder,  simi- 
lar to  the  first. 

We  then  entered  the  chamber  of  the  per- 
fumers :  they  were  occupied  in  extracting 
essences  of  intolerable  odours,  which  are  as 
agreeable  to  them  as  jessamine,  tuberose, 
orange,  and  others  in  use  among  the  men  and 
women  of  our  world :  they  made  these  es- 
sences from  the  oil  of  the  box  tree,  from  wax, 
jet,  and  yellow  amber.  Their  pomatums  were 
composedof  galbanum,  assafcetida,  rosin,  pitch, 
and  turpentine.  I  was  informed  that  these 
were  for  the  use  of  the  ladies  of  hell,  who 
were  served  by  the  perfumers,  and  who  were, 
at  the  same  time,  obliged  to  use  their  com- 
pounds, in  obedience  to  the  laws  of  Lucifer. 

From  thence,  we  proceeded  along  a  broad 
aisle,  which  terminated  at  an  elevated  pavilion, 
the  apartment  of  the  astrologers  and  magicians. 
I  met  at  the  door  a  chiromancer,  who  desired 
to  inspect  my  hand.  I  extended  it  without 
ceremony ;  but  scarcely  had  I  touched  his, 
before  I  was  glad  to  withdraw  it,  it  seemed  so 
hot  and  fiery. 


A^^^^l^ 


116  HELL. 


(( 


I  have  remarked  at  a  glance,"  said  he, 
**  that  you  will  be  happy  if  you  are  prudent." 

*'  And  you,"  said  I,  "  what  have  you  no- 
ticed with  regard  to  your  own  ?" 

"I  knew,"  replied  "he,  "by  the  mount  of 
Saturn,  that  I  was  to  be  damned." 

"  Ah,  well !  if  you  had  exercised  the  pru- 
dence you  recommend  to  me,  you  would  not 
have  been  here." 

I  passed  without  further  speech,  and  saw  a 
man,  who,  with  compasses,  measured  upon  a 
globe,  the  distances  between  the  celestial  signs : 
*'  what  are  you  doing,  good  man  ?"  said  I. 

"  Ah,  God  !"  replied  he,  "  if  I  had  been 
bom  but  half  an  hour  sooner,  when  Saturn 
changed  his  aspect,  and  Mars  lodged  in  the 
liouse  of  life,  my  salvation  had  been  certain." 

The  others  made  similar  observations,  so 
that  one  could  hardly  forbear  laughing  at  their 
complaints.  There  came  up  one  named  Tais- 
nerius,  author  of  a  book  upon  physiognomy 
and  chiromancy,  who  gazed  in  my  face  for 
such  a  length  of  time,  that  he  quite  embar- 
rassed me. 

'•  You  look  like  an  old  burnt  shoe,"  said  I 


3 


HELL.  117 

to  him  ;   "go  your  ways  ;  do  not  stop  so  near 


me." 


•  "  Look  at  this  beggar,"  said  he  ;  "  see  how 
he  affects  the  man  of  consequence,  because 
he  wears  a  sword  by  his  side,  and  hath  the 
cross  of  Saint  James  !  What  a  physiogaomy ! 
What  an  aspect !  What  a  figure  !  This  man 
goes  straight  to  the  gibbet :  besides,  there  is 
here  neither  wealth  nor  rank  ;  all  are  equal." 

"  Insolent  fellow,"  said  I ;  "  if  I  draw  my 
sword,  I  will  teach  you  how  to  speak  to  a 
man  of  honour ;  have  you  not  had  experience 
enough  to  be  wise  ?  you  ought  to  bear  in 
mind  the  correction  you  received  in  Portugal, 
for  treating  a  gentleman  in  the  same  indeco- 
rous manner  you  have  me ;  but  you  are  in- 
corrigible." 

"  Taisnarius,"  said  my  devil,  "  get  into 
your  hole,  and  draw  your  own  horoscope." 

After  this  trifling  dispute,  we  advanced,  and 
enounteered  many  astrologers,  among  whom 
were  Hali,  Gerard  of  Cremona,  Barthelemi 
of  Parma,  a  certain  personage  by  the  name  of 
Tondin,  and  Cornelius  Agrippa.  The  mo- 
ment this  last  perceived  me,  he  cried  out  that 


lis  HELL. 

'^  the  world  did  him  injustice,  in  calling  him 
Agrippa  the  black — in  accusing  him  of  magic, 
and  other  similar  things,  for  which,  he  averred, 
he  had  not  been  damned :  that  he  was  born 
in  an  age  of  ignorance,  when  good  physicians 
passed  for  magicians,  astrologers  for  sorcerers, 
and  all  learned  men  for  people  who  had  con- 
verse with  the  devil ;  that  his  book  upon  the 
Cabala,  was  nothing  more  but  a  satire  upon 
the  cabalistic  art  of  the  Jews,  and  the  little 
key  of  *Solomon ;  and  finally,  the  book  itself 
might  be  taken  as  a  criterion  of  his  faith,  in 
those  things  by  which  they  deceived  the  sim- 
ple, and  of  the  vanity  of  that  science.  I  am 
no  more  a  magician,"  continued  he,  "  than 
Cardan,  whom  you  can  see  if  you  wish." 
*'  Why  then  have  you  been  damned  V 
**  Because  I  abused  my  knowledge,  and 
amused  myself  with  people's  credulity ;  if  I 
had  indeed  been  a  magician,  I  should  have 
become  penitent,  and  been  saved." 

While  I  was  speaking,  I  heard  a  tremen- 
dous uproar,  proceeding  from  another  apart- 
ment, and  inquiring  the  cause,  was  informed 
the  Turks  were  fighting ;  and  as  I  happened 


HELL.  119 

to  understand  iheir  language,  discovered  the 
quarrel  was,  in  fact,  between  Mahomet  and 
the  two  prophets,  who  had  each  established 
a  sect   in    the    Mahometan   law.     Mahomet 
com^ained  very  bitterly  against  Ali,  because 
he  had  given  to  the  Persians  a  false  Alcoran, 
and  because  Albubekir  had  so  illy  explained 
his  own,   in  Africa.     He,   on   the  contrary, 
maintained  that  the  Alcoran   could  have   no 
other  meaning,  than  what  he  had  attached  to 
it.     Ali  asserted,  there  was  no  reason  in  this 
law  ;  and  furthermore,  he  contended,  that  Ma- 
homet himself  knew  nothing  about  the  book 
he    had    composed.     They  chafed   furiously 
upon  this,  and  cried  out,  as  if  enraged  to  mad- 
ness ;  I  heard  their  dialogue,  but  do  not  wish 
to  be  the  herald  of  their  quarrels.     This  was 
gentleness  itself,  compared  with  what  passed 
among  the  heretic  and  schismatic  Christians ; 
there  I  saw  Luther  in  the  habit  of  the  Augus- 
tine order,  with  his  monks  about  him,  and  a 
pot  of  wine   on   the   table.     "  Do   the   dead 
drink,"  said  I,  "  to  the  devil  ?" 

"  Not  at  all ;  but  this  wine  is  set  before 
their  eyes,  for  the  purpose  of  tormenting  them 


l.,^^^. 


120  HELL. 

with  the  sight  of  what  they  loved  so  well ;  it 
is  for  the  same  reason,  that  Luther  has  his 
wife  with  him." 

Melancthon  was  also  there  ;  he  wept  con- 
tinually, and  was  so  unquiet,  that  he«could 
not  remain  an  instant  at  rest :  he  traversed 
from  right  to  left  upon  all  sides,  and  then  re- 
turned to  the  place  from  whence  he  set  out, 
only  to  recommence  the  same  j  ourney .  ' '  What 
is  this  man  doing  ?"  said  I  to  Curiosity. 

*'  He  imitates  the  conduct  he  pursued  in 
the  world ;  for  there  he  was  alternately  with 
Luther  and  the  church ;  sometimes  a  Zuing- 
lian,  and  sometimes  a  Calvinist ;  thus  are  the 
nconstant  tormented.  This  good  old  man 
whom  you  see  here,  is  Erasmus ;  this  other 
is  Grotius ;  unhappily,  they  neither  of  them 
had  any  religion.  This  man,  who  appears 
so  sour,  and  is  surrounded  with  ministers,  is 
Calvin,  who  brought  about  the  reformation. 
These  others,  are  heretics  of  the  first  ages, 
who  are  here  for  being  reluctant  to  submit  to 
legitimate  authority.  See  the  great  Photius 
patriarch  of  Constantinople,  how  the  Greeks 
surround   him :    he    is    justly   punished   for 


HELL.  121 

having  quitted  tiie  ministry  for  the  putriarch- 
ate  ;  if  he  had  remained,  in  a  civil  station 
he  would  have  been  saved ;  but  being  mixed 
up  in  ecclesiastical  affairs,  he  committed  so 
much  wickedness,  that  he  now  suffers  no 
more  than  he  deserves." 

'*  A  man  so  learned !"  said  I  to  the  devil. 

"  Yes,  too  much  so  ;  and  too  much  know-^ 
ledge  is  often  more  injurious  than  profitable." 

I  began  now  to  tire  of  hell,  and  fatigued 
with  my  walk,  intimated  a  desire  to  my  con- 
ductor to  depart,  and  to  be  accompanied  by 
him  as  far  as  the  gate.  He  replied,  he  wished 
first  to  show  me  the  apartment  of  the  cmitrac- 
tors,  whom  I  had  not  yet, seen,  and  which 
was  upon  a  line  with  that  in  which  we  were.  ''^'^^^ 
I  then  entered  into  the  chambers  of  these  far-  jf . 
mers  of  the  revenue,  and  was  surprised  to  see 
such  a  multitude,  each  habited  in  the  garb  of 
his  own  country.  "  There  are  here,  then," 
said  I,  "  people  from  all  quarters  of  the 
globe." 

"  Yes,"  replied  the  devil,  "  since  there  are 
every  where  imposts." 

"  But  why,"  demanded  I,  "  are  these  peo- 

L 


r*« 


122  ~  HELL. 

pie  damned,  who  have  levied  the  lawful  tri- 
bute of  legitimate  princes  ?  I  have  read  in  the 
scripture  that  it  is  lawful  to  pay  tribute  unto 
Caesar  :  how  shall  this  tribute  be  paid,  unless 
there  are  people  to  collect  it?  must  one  be 
damned  for  doing  a  duty  ?" 

"  Hold,  hold,"  cried  the  demon  ;  "  not 
quite  so  much  philosophy ;  these  contractors 
were  full  as  philosophical  as  you  are ;  but 
it  is  nevertheless  true,  if  they  had  only  levied 
the  tribute  due  to  their  prince,  they  would  not 
have  .been  damned ;  but  they  raised  one  not 
due,  either  to  the  prince  or  to  themselves  : 
they  would  have  been  much  better  off,  had 
they  not  made  so  much  expense,  and  the 
prince  h^d  given  them  but  a  shilling  for  a 
pound.  Calculate,  for  a  moment,  what  an 
enormous  sum  is  requisite,  for  the  compensa- 
tion of  the  host  of  subalterns  attached  to  an 
office ;  consider  then,  how  much  the  principal 
must  gain  ;  add  to  that,  what  goes  into  the 
coffers  of  the  king,  without  mentioning  what 
is  styled  the  perquisites,  and  you  will  find 
that  not  more  than  one  per  cent  of  the  ducats 
are   realized   at  the  treasury ;    and  that,  he 


HELL.  123 

who  gets  the  most,  is  doubtless  the  farmer. 
If  the  king  of  Spain  would  oblige  them  to 
send  straight  to  him  the  custom  on  exports 
and  imports,  he  would  profit  by  that  the  con- 
tractors get.  There  needs  but  one  commis- 
sary, for  all  the  revenues  of  the  king,  in  each 
office ;  he  should  supervise  all  the  books 
and  accounts,  contenting  himself  with  a  gen- 
erous salary  for  his  care,  punishing  frauds  by 
pecuniary  fines,  and  by  corporeal  inflictions 
for  second  offences.  If  the  matter  was  thus 
managed,  the  king  would  be  richer,  and  taxes, 
less  ;  the  people  would  be  less  burthened, 
and  almost  all  this  great  number  of  contrac- 
tors, would  remain  in  commerce,  in  the  army, 
or  country.  How  much  should  you  say," 
demanded  the  devil,  "  the  king  received,  of 
M'hat  is  annually  taken  from  the  royal 
mines?" 

"  About  three  quarters,"  replied  I. 

"  He  would  be  too  well  off,"  exclaimed  he, 
with  a  cry  of  admiration  ;  *'  he  does  not  get 
the  thousandth  part ;  all  goes  in  outfits,  in 
expenses  ;  and  I  verily  believe,  that  if  these 
things  are  to  continue  thus,  the  king  would 


124  HELL. 

gain  more  by  closing  them,  than  in  causing 
them  to  be  worked." 

"  At  present,"  said  I,  "  there  is  a  neces- 
sity of  levying  imposts,  of  having  contractors, 
and  paying  them  well :  the  neighbouring 
princes  do  the  same,  to  furnish  their  charges 
and  expences  of  war :  if  this  is  an  evil,  it  is 
one  that  must  be  endured,  to  preserve  the 
whole  body  politic  from  destruction.  But 
how  is  it  possible,  you  can  so  vehemently 
dislike  the  gentlemen  of  the  revenue,  who 
form  by  far  the  largest  part  of  your  infernal 
population  ?" 

"  It  is  the  force  of  reason,"  answered  he, 
"  that  compels  even  demons  to  avow  the 
truth,  and  both  to  love  and  detest  the  wicked- 
ness we  are  desirous  of  detecting  in  others, 
to  make  them  companions  of  our  misery." 

'*  I  admire,"  said  I,  "  the  force  of  truth ; 
and  I  admire  not  less  to  see  injustice  hated, 
even  among  the  unjust ;  but  I  cannot  com- 
prehend, why  you  should  say,  that  however 
legitimate  the  tribute  due  to  the  prince,  the 
contractors  cannot  conscientiously  take  the 
public  money." 


HELL.  125 

-*'  You  misapprehend  me  ;  that  they  can 
do  ;  but  the  farmers  collect  more  money  than 
is  consistent  with  equity,  or  the  orders  of  the 
prince  ;  they  extort  that  which  should  be  use- 
ful for  the  maintenance  of  the  public  weal : 
it  is  of  this  charge,  of  this  waste,  the  con 
tractors  are  guilty." 

"  I  understand  you,"  said  I  to  the  demon ; 
*'  but  conduct  me  from  hence,  for  1  am 
weary." 

He  continued  : — "  Do  you  comprehend 
what  I  say,  that  it  is  the  contractors  who  arc 
most  happy  and  rich  ?  and  from  whence  come 
those  superb  mansions,  as  magnificently  fur- 
nished as  the  Escurial  palace  ?  how  can  they 
support  such  enormous  expences  ?  entertain 
so  many  gentlemen  ?  give  their  daughters  such 
ample  dowries  ?  contract  advantageous  alli- 
ances with  the  noblest  families  of  Castile  and 
Arragon  ?  Such  an  one  shall  command  to- 
day, and  be  covered  in  the  king's  presence, 
who  a  year  since  drove  a  chariot,  or  stood 
behind  a  carriage.  Another,  who  hired  his 
land,  shall  presently  purchase  the  farm  he 
formerly  cultivated.     Appointed   a  subaltern 

l2 


126  HELL. 

in  one  of  the  offices,  he  soon  becomes  its 
head,  and  is  elevated  by  degrees  to  the  no- 
bility." 

The  demon  having  finished,  I  thanked 
him,  and  wishing  to  impress  the  lesson  on 
my  memory,  engaged  him  to  repeat  it.  He 
summed  up  the  whole  in  the  following  man- 
ner : — "  Observe  neither  what  reason  or  the 
law  prescribes  to  thee,  respect  neither  God 
nor  the  king,  lay  the  peasantry  under  contri- 
bution, succumb  to  the  great,  become  a  great 
proprietary  farmer,  cause  the  purchaser  to  pay 
you  twice  for  what  you  sell :  to  put  out  of 
sight  the  baseness  of  your  origin,  obtain  an 
appointment  in  one  of  the  bureaux,  and  ac- 
custom yourself  to  command ;  for  by  these 
gradations  one  may  arrive  at  the  highest  dig- 


nities." 


"  What  signifies  all  that,"  said  one  of  the 
contractors,  who  listened  to  our  discourse ; 
"  is  it  not  natural  for  a  person  to  elevate  him- 
self if  he  can  ?  Is  it  not  the  order  of  Provi- 
dence, that  the  lofty  should  be  abased,  and 
the  humble  exalted  ?  Fortune  is  but  a  wheel, 
which   in   its    revolutions    puts    underneath 


HELL.  ^  127 

what  but  now  was  on  top.  If  tlie  subjects 
were  more  attached  to  the  government,  the 
sovereign  would  have  less  need  of  imposts, 
and  consequently  of  collectors.  If  they  were 
perfectly  just,  they  would  not  need  a  king. 
To  complain  of  our  avarice  is  to  accuse  hea- 
ven ;  instead  of  which  only  the  impenetrability 
of  individuals  should  be  reproached,  who 
would  rather  see  a  great  kingdom  like  Spain 
entirely  overthrown,  than  advance  a  single 
real  to  repair  the  slightest  breach.  Know, 
Signor  Devil,  who  has  delivered  such  a  phi- 
lippic against  the  contractors,  that  we  have 
been  to  our  country,  what  the  bones  and 
muscles  are  to  the  human  body,  or  numerous 
armies  to  a  province  threatened  with  an  in- 
vasion :  if  the  king  of  hell  would  but  consult 
with  us,  we  should  teach  him  to  fortify  his 
dominions  in  such  a  manner,  that  they  would 
be  impregnable  to  both  saints  and  angels.  In 
the  first  place,  I  would  lay  a  tax  upon  every 
demon  who  plies  his  occupation  in  the  world  : 
secondly,  I  would  establish  a  daily  employ- 
ment for  each  soul  in  the  infernal  world ; 
thirdly,  I  would  make  the  magicians  and  sor- 


K 


*► 


128  HELL. 

cerers  pay  an  annual  tribute :  this  will  be 
done,  for  I  have  heard  the  king  of  the  demons 
was  about  to  organise  a  council  of  financiers  ; 
and  this  is  a  subject  that  might  well  engage 
even  the  attention  of  that  celebrated  English- 
man, who  invented  the  first  paper  currency 
of  England." 

"  And  wherefore,"  said  the  demon,  "  im- 
pose a  tax  on  us  ?  What  will  you  do  when 
we  refuse  to  pay  ?  Can  you  confiscate  our 
estates  ?  In  what  prisons  will  you  confine 
us  when  you  have  decreed  our  arrest?  We 
should  mock  at  all  your  projects  :  ah,  little 
man !  you  grow  licentious !  you  must  be 
chained  up  ;  come,  obey ;  extend  your  hands 
and  legs." 

"  I  shall  do  neither  the  one  nor  the  other," 
said  the  contractor ;  "  you  are  not  here  our 
master ;  I  will  call  the  financial  council  to- 
gether ;  and  I  am  going  this  instant  to  de- 
nounce you  to  the  grand  inquisition,  because 
you  resist  paying  tribute  to  the  king  of 
Spain." 

"  I  laugh  at  your  inquisition,"  said  the  de- 
mon,  and  to  be  beforehand  with  you,  I  will 


HELL.  129 

denounce  you  to  the  prince  ol  devils  himself : 
come,  quick,  obey ;  extend  your  hands  and 
legs.- 

The  contractor  found  himself  loaded  Mdth 
irons,  in  spite  of  his  remonstrances  :  the  devil 
then  went  into  the  apartment  of  the  inquisitors 
to  subject  them  to  the  same  treatment,  and  af- 
terwards returned  to  accompany  me  to  the 
gate,  as  I  had  requested. 

"  These  insolents,"  muttered  he,  "  these 
insects  !  what  pride  !  what  rodomontades  ! 
was  there  ever  seen  such  supercilious  knaves  ? 
But  I  will  humble  them  in  such  a  manner, 
and  make  them  suffer  so  much,  that  they  will 
have  no  stomach  to  talk  of  imposts  and 
taxes.-' 

Wheli  we  had  left  these  contractors,  (whom 
1  regard  as  the  most  unhappy  class  in  hell, 
because,  let  them  do  ever  so  much  good  to 
the  prince  or  to  the  state,  let  them  be  ever  so 
upright  in  their  administration,  nay,  even  if 
they  were  angels,  they  could  not  escape  ac- 
cusation and  hatred)  our  attention  was  attract- 
ed by  an  immense  crowd,  which  had  arrived 
and  filled  up  the  avenue  in  such  a  manner, 


X 


130  HELL. 

that  we  could  not  pass,  and  so  were  obliged  to 
fall  back  to  the  opposite  gate.  "  Who  are 
these  people  ?"  inquired  I  of  the  demon. 

"  They  are,"  replied  he,  "  a  corps  of  tailors  ; 
they  arrive  here  in  crowds,  like  great  armies, 
and  when  they  come,  all  the  demons  are  put 
in  requisition  to  confine  them  ;  my  duty  com- 
pels me  to  assist;  go  with  me,  and  amuse 
yourself  with  our  proceedings." 

We  made  our  way  through  this  crowd  of 
tailors,  and  arrived  at  length,  before  a  great 
furnace,  the  mouth  of  which  was  more  than 
ten  fathoms  in  diameter.  There  they  bound 
these  tailors  in  faggots,  putting  from  ten  to  a 
dozen  in  each  bundle  :  they  fastened  each  one 
by  the  feet,  and  then  brought  a  rope  about 
the  whole  package,  and  afterwards  suspend- 
ing the  faggot  to  a  hook,  which  was  elevated 
by  means  of  a  pulley,  over  the  centre  of  the 
furnace,  a  devil  detached  it,  and  let  it  fall  into 
the  fire.  Sometimes  the  tailors  who  had  their 
arms  free,  grasped  so  firmly  the  pulley,  that 
the  devil  had  an  infinite  deal  of  trouble  to 
loose  their  hold :  when  that  took  place,  he 
caused  the  whole  mass  to  make  a  pirouette  in  ^ 


l""         t"^    HELL.    ^  131 

the  air,  and  as  the  motion  was  violent,  the 
tailors  were  always  forced  to  let  go,  and  drop 
into  the  fire.  It  happened  that  one  of  these 
faggots  fell  outside  the  aperture,  upon  a  quan- 
tity of  others,  which  were  ranged  like  a  pile 
of  wood,  and  which  the  devil  measured.  The 
individuals  of  this  faggot,  seized  hold  of  the 
others  in  such  a  manner,  that  they  could  not 
separate  them  ;  so  that  the  devils  who  united 
their  strength  for  that  purpose,  were  obliged 
to  take  the  whole  pile,  attach  it  to  the  hook, 
and  let  it  all  go  together.  The  mass  was  so 
great,  that  it  seemed  as  if  it  would  choke  the 
fire  of  hell.  The  devils  bestirred  themselves, 
and  finally  made  an  end  of  the  tailors  ;  they 
then  cast  in  a  great  quantity  of  oil,  tallow,  and 
sulphur,  and  stirring  them  up  with  long  iron 
tormentors,  and  employing  large  bellows,  the 
fire  caught  all  at  once,  and  raised  a  flame,  that 
rose  above  the  mouth  of  the  furnace  more  than 
three  hundred  feet.  All  the  tailors  having 
been  cast  into  the  fire,  their  demon  general, 
with  a  haughty  and  severe  air,  came  to  de- 
mand of  me,  why  I  had  not  been  bound  with 
the  others. 


132  HELL.' 

"  Because,"  said  I  to  him,  "  I  am  not  a 
tailor,  a  rogue,  a  thief,  neither  a  cabbager  of 
stuff  nor  money ;  I  am  here  with  my  com- 
panion, Curiosity,  to  inspect  the  beauties 
and  antiquities  of  this  country." 

"  You  are   a  liar,"    replied    the    general ; 
"  you  are  one  of  my  subjects  ;  I  know  you 
by  your  strait-cut  dress,  Avhich,  without  doubt, 
you  have  made  out  of  the  clippings  of  some 
other ;  come,   obey  ;   cast  yourself  into   the 
fire,  or  I  will  throw  you  in." 
I       As  he  was  about  to  bind  me,  my  demon  in- 
!  formed  the  general  that  I  Vv^as  not  yet  dead ; 
■   that  I  had  never  been  of  any  trade,  and  that 
he  believed  I  should  not  be  one  of  their  sub- 
jects, because  those  who  descended  quick  into 
hell,  conducted  themselves  afterwards  in  such 
a  manner,  as  not  to  revisit  it  after  death ;  fur- 
thermore, the  cross  of  Saint  James,  (which  I 
carried,)  would  inspire  fear,  and  cause  false 
alarms  in  the  bosoms  of  the  damned." 

"  Come  hither,  then,"  said  the  general, 
"  and  profit  by  what  you  see  ;  you  know,  at 
least,  that  tailors  are  the  fuel  of  hell,  and  serve 
to  burn  those  that  come  hither."  i 


HELL.  133 

My  demon  advised  me  to  go  promptly,  be- 
cause if  the  general  sliould  get  angry,  he 
might  do  me  a  mischief.  In  walking  along, 
he  informed  me  the  unhappy  tailors  were  so 
numerous,  that  they  not  only  fed  the  great 
furnace  of  hell,  which  warmed  all  the  apart- 
ments, but  also  furnished  the  table  of  Lucifer, 
when  he  had  a  mind  to  feast. 

"  How  !"  exclaimed  I,  "  Lucifer  eat  ?  Can 
spirits  eat?" 

'  *'  Do  you  not  know,"  replied  he,  "  that  the 
damned  are  as  the  herb  the  sheep  eateth,  and 
that  death  is  this  sheep  ?  Have  you  not  read 
in  yoqr  sacred  books,  that  death  devoureth 
the  damned  ?     Mors  depascet  eos^ 

While  he  was  speaking,  we  met  a  troop  of 
booksellers,  at  whose  head  was  one  Peter 
Marteau,  a  publisher,  of  Cologne ;  he  was 
loaded  with  a  burden  so  unwieldy,  that  it  was 
impossible  to  comprehend  how  any  one  man 
could  bear  it.  They  informed  me,  these  were 
the  books  printed  under  his  name,  after  his 
death.  The  booksellers  of  Holland  were  also 
very  heavily  laden  ;  and  those  of  France  bore 
also  the  books  struck  off  at  their  houses,  with 

M 


134  HELL. 

the  title  of  a  Dutch  bookseller.  These  people 
were  carrying  their  books  to  the  furnace,  but 
were  prevented  by  a  singular  accident :  a  de- 
mon, who  passed  by  with  a  flambeau,  ap- 
proaching to  look  at  them,  their  papers  caught 
fire,  and  instantly  spread  from  one  to  another 
through  the  whole  body  :  when  they  perceiv- 
ed the  flame,  they  threw  down  their  loads, 
and  fled  with  all  convenient  speed.  I  asked 
them  why  they  were  damned :  they  answered, 
for  the  faults  of  others. 

"An  author,"  observed  they,  "often  car- 
ries a  work  to  the  printer,  which  has  no  merit, 
.and  besides,  as  unsaleable  as  a  girl,  ugly  and 
poor:  by  this  means  the  printer  is  ruined; 
in  vain  he  curses  the  author,  and  seeks  to  re- 
imburse himself  by  the  sale  of  an  unpopular 
book ;  this  book  is  the  cause  of  his  failure ; 
his  creditors  seize  his  goods  and  shop ;  he 
maddens,  and  resigns  himself  to  despair.  A 
translator,  who  understands  Greek,  undertakes 
a  dull  work ;  sometimes  he  supposes  he  has 
discovered  a  manuscript ;  he  carries  his  trans- 
lation to  the  printer,  who,  not  being  able  to 
get  rid  of  it,  sells  the  leaves  to  the  grocer  or 

I 

,1 


HELL.  135 

butter  woman.  Another  cause  of  our  damna- 
tion ;  a  bookseller  sells  at  a  handsome  profit, 
the  satires  of  Juvenal,  the  comedies  of 
Terence,  and  of  other  poets,  as  those  of  Virgil 
and  Ovid  ;  a  lackey,  a  shop-boy,  a  soldier,  a 
clerk,  purchase  these  works,  and  amuse  them- 
selves among  serving  girls,  with  what  cost 
long  study  to  these  men  of  genius.  Without 
mentioning  other  books  we  vend,  and  which 
obtain  circulation,  only  because  they  flatter 
the  taste  or  passions  of  the  buyer,  is  it  not 
true,  that  a  pretty  story  of  gallantry,  secret 
memoirs,  cabinet  intrigues,  which  profess  to 
expose  the  designs  of  the  government,  or  the 
end  of  some  great  aflfair,  are  the  most  danger- 
ous books  ?  and  these  are  the  kind  we  sell 
best.  Is  it  us,  then,  upon  whom  reproach 
ought  to  fall,  or  on  the  readers  ?" 

"  He  speaks  advisedly,"  said  a  Holland 
publisher ;  '*  we  have  put  to  press  all  the  follies 
of  certain  authors,  who  wished  to  revenge 
themselves,  either  upon  a  mistress,  judge, 
minister  of  state,  or  prince  ;  and  for  this  we 
must  needs  be  adjudged  guilty  of  other's  faults, 
and  share  their  punishment !  but  that  would 


136  HELL. 

y,have  been  slight,  if  we  had  not  meddled  with 
^  books  of  religion.  We  have  published  in 
Holland  the  works  of  all  parties ;  Chris- 
tians, Jews,  Catholics,  Protestants,  Socinians, 
Quakers,  and  every  other  sect ;  and  often  in 
the  same  book,  sold  both  sides  of  the  con- 
troversy." 

"  You  have  then,"  said  I,  "  no  religion  !" 
*'  We  are,"  replied  the  Dutchman,  "  the 
historians  of  authors  ;  and  as  a  historian  must 
have  neither  relations,  country,  friends,  nor 
religion,  even  so  we  have  none  of  these ;  but 
under  the  name  of  citizens  of  the  world,. have 
but  one  object,  and  that,  the  advancement  of 
our  own  interests."  1 

Immediately  upon  these  words,  he  hastily 
fled  with  the  others,  to  re-assemble  themselves 
near  the  demon  of  the  book  merchants,  who 
called  for  his  whole  crew.  I  felt  great  com- 
passion at  the  fate  of  these  unhappy  wretches, 
condemned  to  hell,  because  they  were  brought 
up  to  the  profession  of  publishing  the  dreams 
and  extravagances  of  authors :  it  is  worthy 
also  of  reflection,  that  they  are  compelled  to 
consult  the  taste  of  the  age,  and  of  the  multi- 


HELL.  137 

tude.  Now  the  taste  of  the  age  is  exceedingly 
fickle  :  it  is  not  that  of  learned  men  and  wits ; 
books  of  morality  and  criticism  are' purchased 
much  less  readily  than  novels  and  profane 
histories ;  so  that  book  merchants,  in  their 
condition,  have  an  unhappiness  that  attaches 
itself  to  no  other  trade,  independently  of  the 
fact,  that  this  business  is  not  held  in  the 
same  estimation  at  the  present  day,  that  it 
formerly  was.  They  were  then  ranked  with 
men  of  letters  ;  they  were  admitted  to  the  bar 
and  church ;  the  cardinal  Ximenes  bestowed 
on  them  great  preferments  ;  he  ennobled  him 
who  published  the  famous  Bible  cVarrias 
montars.  We  see,  in  his  time,  publiehers 
who  possessed  rich  abbeys  and  seats  in  the 
council.  And  what  was  not  done  for  them 
by  the  fifth  Sixtus,  that  incomparable  genius? 
In  France,  they  arrived  at  great  distinction, 
and  have  been  seen  in  the  first  posts  of  the 
principal  cities  of  the  kingdom  ;  and  we  know 
that  a  celebrated  emperor  of  Germany,  was 
one  of  the  first  publishers,  if  not  himself  the 
inventor  of  printing.  Biit  to  return  from  this 
digression :  when  the  book  merchants  were 

m2 


^ 


138  HELL. 

re-assembled,  the  notaries,  who  had  just  ar- 
rived, wished  to  place  themselves'  in  their 
ranks ;  but  the  devil  used  his  authority  to 
separate  them,  averring  that  there  was,  in 
fact,  a  vast  difference. 

"  Without  doubt,"  said  the  notaries,  "  we 
are  the  book  merchants  of  manuscripts ;  we 
compose  and  publish  our  works,  to  which  the 
public  accord  the  same  faith,  as  to  things  they 
have  themselves  seen ;  we  are  faithful  public 
witnesses,  the  guarantees  of  contracts,  pro- 
mises, and  obligations ;  the  guardians  of  titles, 
rights,  and  privileges  ;  our  testimony  is  true, 
infallible ;  above  suspicion,  deceit,  and  fraud." 

"Why,"  said  the  devil,  "are  you  come  to 
hell  ?  for  if  you  fulfilled  those  duties,  you  are 
honest  people,  and  I  declare,  not  only  useful, 
but  necessary  to  the  public  ;  for,  between  our- 
selves, there  is  so  little  public  sincerity,  that 
if  one  could  not  prove,  by  writings  and  wit- 
nesses, the  price  at  which  he  bought  or  sold, 
he  would  often  find  himself  cheated  of  his 


)j 


money. 

"  It  is,"  said  one  of  the  notaries,  "  for  some 
antedates  or  superfluous  ciphers,  that  we  are 


HELL.  139 

damned  ;  judge  you,  if  the  matter  is  of  such 
vital  consequence  ;  one  is  so  often  deceived 
by  writings,  and  one  figure  is  so  easily  sub- 
stituted for  another  ; — the  pen  too,  slips  some- 
times, and  a  nought  is  so  easily  made  !" 

"  You  are  right,  in  truth,"  said  the  devil, 
addressing  himself  to  me ;  "  they  wrong  these 
poor  people,  in  sending  them  to  us  ;  they 
have  committed  trifling  faults,  while  they  do 
not  punish  the  apothecaries,  even,  for  putting 
up  the  recipes  sent  them.  I  have  a  great 
mind  to  send  these  unfortunate  persons  home 
again. — Go  ;  return,  my  friends  ;  you  have 
suflfered  great  injustice." 

"  And  we  also,"  said  the  corps  of  bank- 
rupts ;  for  they  had  done  them  the  honour  to 
separate  them  from  the  merchants,  who  had 
dealt  honestly. 

"As  to  you,  Signors,"  said  the  devil,  "en- 
ter into  the  furnace,  without  further  examina- 
tion :  we  leave  it  to  the  notaries  to  enter  at 
pleasure  ;  they  have  within  them  a  torment 
as  cruel  as  fire  ;  it  is  conscience,  that  never 
yet  respected  any  person." 

"  Oh,  oh  !  ah,  ah  !"  cried  the  bankrupts, 


140  ^*^  HELL. 

if  they  had  not  wronged  us,  we  should  have 
kept  our  faith  with  every  one  :  would  you, 
because  we  were  cheated,  that  we  should 
send  our  families  to  the  almshouse  ?" 

"  I  did  not  go  to  Holland,  Or  to  the  islands, 
when  I  failed,"  said  one  ;  "  I  shut  myself  up 
in  a  private  room  in  my  house,  and  there  ne- 
gotiated, through  my  wife,  with  my  creditors, 
making  each  one  to  remit  a  part  of  his  just 
claims  :  you  know  what  would  have  happen- 
ed, had  I  appeared ;  there  is  seldom  much 
charity  among  creditors." 

"I,"  said  another,  "  did  much  better ;  for 
I  transported  from  Madrid  to  Venice  all  the 
merchandises  I  had  collected,  changed  my 
name,  and  after  having  made  a  fortune  upon 
these  goods,  paid  the  principal,  on  condition 
they  would  remit  the  interest :  was  there  not 
in  this  bankruptcy,  good  faith,  justice,  and 
prudence  ?"  -  ' 

"  Yes,"  replied  the  devil,  "  and  I  cannot 
conceive  on  what  grounds  you  were  condemn- 
ed ;  it  is  very  evident  it  must  have  been  for 
something  else." 

"  No,"  continued  the  man,  it  was  for  this 


HELL.  141 

very  thing ;  because  they  pretend  that  for 
these  twenty  years,  I  have  injured  my  cre- 
ditors, in  depriving  them  of  the  enjoyment  and 
possession  of  their  property ;  consider,  Signor 
devil,  if  I  am  under  an  obligation  to  repair 
this  damage  ?  would  it  not  only  be  ridiculous, 
but  render  them  guilty  of  usury  towards 
me." 

"  Ah !  the  honest  man,"  said  the  devil ; 
*'  why  do  they  send  to  us  folks  so  upright  and 
sincere  ?  but  my  friend,"  continued  he,  *'  you 
have  the  ill  luck  to  be  found  in  bad  company ; 
we  cannot  help  you  ;  arm  yourself,  therefore, 
with  courage,  and  prepare  to  support  the  suf- 
ferings to  which  the  bankrupts  are  destined ; 
you  will  be  forced  to  accustom  yourself  to 
much  pain;  but  console  yourself,  by  uniting 
your  complaints  with  those  of  your  comrades." 

Directly  the  devil  stamped  upon  the  pave- 
ment, where  the  publishers,  notaries,  and 
bankrupts  stood,  when  a  trap  door,  springing 
open,  engulphed  them  all,  and  closed  itself  as 
before. 

At  this  stage  of  my  dream,  I  was  awakened 
by  a  serenade  of  violins  and  hautboys,  that 


142  HELL. 

some  one  gave  to  a  young  lady  of  the  house. 
I  immediately  arose,  and  looking  from  the 
window,  saw  a  number  of  young  men,  who, 
after  a  prelude  upon  their  instruments,  began 
to  sing.  As  there  was  no  window  but  mine 
open,  they  imagined  they  beheld  the  beauty 
to  whom  their  homage  was  addressed ;  and 
to  amuse  myself  at  their  expense,  I  threw 
out  a  splendid  handkerchief,  which  one  of 
them  eagerly  caught ;  he  kissed  it  more  than 
an  hundred  times ;  then  putting  a  diamond, 
worth  thirty  pistoles,  into  a  purse,  threw  it 
into  my  chamber,  with  a  billet  couched  in 
these  terms  : — 

"  My  charming  princess,  at  night  my  heart 
awakes  for  thee ;  by  day,  I  am  only  occupied 
with  your  charms.  I  burn,  without  cessation, 
with  the  love  you  have  inspired ;  when  shall 
I  have  the  happiness  to  express  to  you  in 
private,  what  I  feel,  and  what  your  silence 
causes  me  to  suffer  ?  one  sweet  line  from  your 
hand,  shall  re-assure  and  console  me.  Speak, 
and  notliing  can  equal  my  happiness  ;  con- 
tinue silent,  my  misery  is  at  its  height,  and  I 
have  no  relief,  but  in  death." 


i 


HELL.  143 

After  perusing  this  billet,  I  answered  it  in 
the  following  manner,  the  substance  of  which 
was  furnished  by  a  song  I  happened  to  re- 
member. 

*'  When  one  reigns,  or  when  one  loves,  the 
pain  is  not  without  its  pleasures  ;  solicitude 
renders  them  more  vivid.  Happy  prince  ! 
Happy  lover !  it  is  not  in  vain  you  suf- 
fer ;  they  will  resist  you  but  slightly,  when 
they  themselves  suffer  from  protracted  re- 
sistance ;  yes,  when  one  reigns,  or  when 
one  loves,  the  pain  is  not  without  its  plea- 
sures." 

I  cast  my  billet  from  the  window,  and  it 
was  soon  taken  up.  The  adventure  seemed 
to  me  very  pleasant :  behold  what  followed ; 
I  deposited  in  the  bed  of  the  fair,  the  diamond 
that  was  designed  for  her,  not  being  able  to 
keep  it  longer  with  honour,  and  without  ex- 
posing myself  to  the  anger  of  the  young  lady, 
who  would  soon  know  by  what  window  it 
entered.  Upon  retiring  the  next  night,  she 
found  it ;  she  informed  her  lover  of  the  dis- 
covery, and  he  explained  the  whole  affair. 
She  thanked  me  graciously  for  my  gallantry ; 


144  HELL. 

1  gave  her  the  billet  I  had  received,  and  she 
returned  my  handkerchief.  The  mistake  arose 
from  my  having  lain,  that  night,  in  the  cham- 
ber ordinarily  occupied  by  this  young  lady, 
her  bed  having  been  removed  to  that  of  her 
father,  and  on  that  account  was  unable,  as 
usual,  to  answ^er  her  gallant.  She  made  me 
the  confidant  of  her  attachment,  and  be- 
sought my  good  offices  with  her  father, 
which  I  so  zealously  used,  that  in  less  than 
a  month,  I  assisted  at  the  marriage  of  theae 
lovers. 
S-  Those  who  interpret  dreams,  say,  that  the 
one  I  had  concerning  hell,  hardly  presaged 
this  adventure.  I  pray  those  who  read  my 
reveries,  or  nocturnal  visions,  to  consider  that 
they  contain  more  truth,  than  one  would  be 
apt,  at  first,  to  imagine :  by  day  they  ought  to 
occupy  themselves  with  thoughts  upon  hell, 
as  intently  as  they  would  in  the  most  im- 
portant affair ;  or  as  they  would  seek  the  means 
of  deliverance,  if  shut  up  in  prison,  for  a 
crime  against  the  state.  One  is  damned  for 
a  less  ofience  than  tlie  robbery  of  the  trea- 
sury, revolt,  or  parricide.     Yes,  for  a  much 


HELL.  145 


slighter  fault,  one  shall  be  eternally  torment- 
ed in  hell. — Reflect  often  upon  this,  dear 
readers,  lest  you  have  it  to  say,  through  the 
interminable  ages  of  futurity,  "  /  could  not 
have  thought  itJ*^ 


^ 


146  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

SEVENTH    NIGHT. 

THE    REFORMATION    OF    HELL. 

As  I  promenaded  one  day  in  my  garden, 
thinking  of  demons,  which  are  always  at  the 
back  of  every  one,  the  foolish  idea  struck  me, 
that  it  would  not  be  wholly  useless  to  reform 
my  life,  I  felt  a  curiosity  to  see  my  evil  de- 
mon ;  but,  thought  I  to  myself,  if  I  should  see 
him  I  believe  I  should  die  with  fear.  No, 
said  I  again,  I  should  not  be  terrified,  if  he 
would  but  show  himself  in  a  human  shape. 
After  having  repressed  this  improper  curio- 
sity, and  resumed  my  composure,  I  heard  a 
man  speaking  to  me  ;  and  turning  my  eyes  to 
that  side  from  whence  the  voice  proceeded,  I 
perceived,  through  a  grated  door  which  sepa 
rated  the  garden  from  the  park,  on  the  other 
side,  a  gentleman  of  a  good  mien,  who  re- 
quested me  to  open  the  gate,  as  he  wished  to 
have  some  conversation  with  me.  As  he  re 
sembled  a  man  with  whom  I  had  formerly 
some    misunderstanding,    I  refused  ;    but   he 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  147 

passed  over  it  before  I  had  the  power  to  pre- 
vent him.  Immediately  drawing  my  sword,  I 
set  upon  him ;  and  he  doing  the  same,  parried 
my  thrusts  and  stood  upon  the  defensive  only. 
As  1  perceived  that  his  figure  at  one  moment 
contracted,  and  anon  dilated  to  a  huge  magni- 
tude, I  began  to  suspect  that  he  was  either  a 
magician  or  a  demon  ;  and  stepping  rearward 
some  paces,  demanded  who  he  was.  He  an- 
swered that  he  was  my  demon,  and  wished 
to  render  me  a  service. 

"  I  have  no  need  of  such  service,"  said  I  to 
him ;  *'  for  demons  are  both  deceptive  and 
malicious." 

"  No,  no,"  replied  he ;  "  fear  nothing ;  only 
come  with  me." 

Forthwith  he  transported  me  into  the  air, 
and  I  soon  lost  sight  of  my  house  and  garden. 
In  a  short  time  we  drew  near  the  moon  ;  and 
while  passing,  I  gazed  attentively  upon  those 
valleys,  mountains,  and  lakes,  which  are  but 
imperfectly  perceived  from  the  earth  by  the 
aid  of  telescopes.  The  demon  transported  me 
to  Sicily  and  set  me  down  upon  the  summit 
of  a  mountain  covered  with  cinders  yet  hot, 


148  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

which  he  told  me  was  Etna.  There  was, 
from  this  place,  a  very  fine  prospect ;  one  sees 
all  the  beauties  of  the  isle,  and  of  the  sur- 
rounding seas  :  in  the  distance,  the  highlands 
of  Africa  are  distinguished,  like  fleecy  clouds, 
upon  the  verge  of  the  horizon  ;  a  multitude  of 
vessels  were  sailing  in  view,  which  seemed 
like  white  ants,  or  flies,  sporting  upon  the 
surface  of  the  ocean.  After  we  had  rested 
there  about  one  hour,  the  demon  told  me  to 
follow  him.  We  descended  into  an  aperture 
from  whence  belched  forth  smoke  and  flame 
that  illumined  the  whole  mountain. 

**  It  is  here,"  said  the  demon,  "  that  Pliny 
fell,  when  he  had  the  temerity  to  approach  too 
near." 

The  whole  way,  as  we  proceeded,  was 
composed  of  rocks  and  fat  earth,  like  bitumen, 
and  from  time  to  time,  might  be  seen  veins  of 
sulphur.  The  rocks  were  full  of  little  crevi- 
ces, from  whence  issued  vapours  and  sulphur- 
ous exhalations,  and  sometimes  slight  gusts  of 
wind.  When  we  had  travelled  downwards 
about  the  space  of  an  hour,  we  came  to  a  vast 
cavern,  into  which  we  entered  ;  at  its  extremity 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  149 

was  an  immense  palace,  hewn  in  the  rock, 
and  elevated  upoti  massive  pillars. 

"  This,"  said  the  demon,  "  is  the  palace 
of  Lucifer.  Let  us  enter  into  the  great  hall, 
where  we  shall  see  him  give  a  general  au- 
dience to  the  damned :  listen  attentively  to 
what  shall  be  said ;  examine  the  events  that 
take  place,  and  let  what  you  shall  see  serve 
for  your  instruction." 

The  following  is  a  correct  account  of  what 
I  saw  in  these  subterraneous  abodes. — For  a 
long  time,  Lucifer,  the  ruler  of  hell  had  not 
given  audience  to  his  subjects :  the  disorder 
that  ordinarily  obtain  in  states  from  the  negli- 
gence of  princes,  are  incidental  as  well  among 
demons  as  men.  The  evil  spirits  remained 
sometimes  for  ag-es  in  the  werld,  without  ren- 
dering any  account  of  the  souls  they  had 
gained,  and  often  suffered  themselves  to  be 
driven  from  the  tenements  of  which  they 
were  masters ;  the  address  of  some  monk  or 
priest  snatching  from  them  their  conquest. 
Men  performed  in  hell  the  office  of  demons ; 
and  as  they  frequently  left  their  chains  to  seek 
their  enemies,  battles  were  as  common,   as 

n2 


150  REFORMATION  OF  HELL 

formerly  between  the  Romans  and  Gauls. 
Lucifer,  either  from  a  fear  for  his  crown,  or 
weariness  at  seeing  so  many  combats,  resolv- 
ed one  day  to  hear,  in  general  convention,  the 
complaints  of  the  damned ;  to  introduce  a  re- 
form among  the  demons ;  to  re-establish  the 
submission  and  obedience  due  to  his  sceptre, 
and  to  extend  the  boundaries  of  his  empire  by 
new  conquests  :  this  was  very  easy  of  execu- 
tion, provided  he  would  give  access  and  free 
parlance  to  his  subjects,  and  compel  his  de- 
mons to  render  an  exact  account  of  their  ad- 
ministrations. With  this  design  he  secretly 
consulted  with  Belzebub,  the  prince  of  devils, 
Belial,  the  governor-general  of  Pagan  nations, 
and  Ashtaroth,  the  princess  who  commands  all 
women.  At  the  termination  of  this  council,  cir- 
cular letters  were  published,  which  ordained 
that  all  those  who  had  complaints  to  prefer, 
and  all  the  demons  scattered  over  the  world, 
should  assemble  upon  an  appointed  day  in  the 
great  hall  of  the  palace,  when  and  where  they 
should  be  heard. 

The  day  fixed  being  arrived,  the  hall  was 
presently  filled,  and  measures  taken,  that  as 


-11 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  151 

soon  as  one  party  was  heard,  another  should 
enter.  Lucifer  was  seated  upon  his  golden 
throne,  having  upon  each  side  those  princes  I 
have  before  mentioned.  After  having  in- 
veighed against  the  disorders  prevalent  in  hell, 
and  stated  his  determination  to  rectify  them, 
he  signified  his  permission  to  the  standers  by 
to  speak.  At  this  intimation  there  arose  an 
old  man  of  a  haughty  appearance,  and  having 
a  crown  of  laurel  upon  his  head  ;  he  read  the 
Roman  laws  touching  parricides,  and  amplified 
upon  the  ingratitude  of  natural  and  adopted 
children  towards  their  parents. 

"  The  parties,"  said  Belzebub  to  Lucifer, 
**  must  be  ordered,  before  commencing  their 
speeches,  to  announce  their  names,  because 
many  of  them  have  been  dead  a  great  length 
of  time." 

Such  a  decree  was  accordingly  made ;  and 
he  who  had  now  spoken  about  half  an  hour,  said 
that  he  Avas  Julius  Caesar,  the  first  emperor 
of  the  Romans.  "  Under  the  pretext  of  the 
liberty  of  our  common  country,"  contined  he, 
"  Brutus  and  Cassius,  to  gratify  their  ambi- 
tion,  assassinated   me   in   the  midst  of  the 


152  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

senate,  their  enmity  was  not  directed  against 
the  empire  and  monarchy,  which  were,  on 
the  contrary,  the  object  of  their  desires ;  but 
they  hated  the  emperor,  who  had  magnified 
the  Roman  power,  and  extended  its  dominion 
both  north  and  east.  Was  the  government 
better  administered  in  the  hands  of  those  sena- 
tors, who,  by  their  feuds  and  personal  dis- 
likes, perilled  the  salvation  of  the  republic, 
by  resigning  it  into  the  hands  of  a  perpetual 
dictation,  whom  they  were  obliged  shortly 
afterwards  to  elect  ?  Rome  having  once  tasted 
the  benefits  of  monarchy,  preferred  rather  to 
obey  a  Nero,  a  Tiberius,  a  Caligula,  or  a  He- 
liogabulus,  than  to  re-establish  this  pretended 
public  liberty,  for  which  Brutus  and  Cassius, 
those  two  traitors,  took  up  arms  against  the 
father  of  their  country." 

He  continued  his  discourse  in  this  strain, 
and  concluded  by  moving,  that  they  should  be 
treated  in  helt  as  assassins,  public  disturbers, 
and  traitors. 

Brutus  then  arose,  and  with  a  trembling 
voice,  said:  "Senators,  you  have  heard 
Caesar;  have  you  not  been  biassed  by  his 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  153 

eloquence  ?  But  will  you  forget  the  services 
I  have  rendered  ?  Remember  the  advice  you 
privately  gave  me,  to  encourage  the  glorious 
design  I  had  conceived  in  favour  of  your 
liberty  ?  Answer  then  to  Caesar,  that  it  was 
by  your  advice  I  gave  the  fatal  stab  ;  that  if 
the  laws  had  not  been  abrogated  and  violated 
by  the  formidable  power  of  tyranny,  you 
would,  yourselves,  have  put  him  to  death 
under  the  forms  of  justice  ;  and  that  your  si- 
lence, after  the  execution  of  my  project,  was 
an  evidence  of  your  approbation." 

Cassius,  assuming  the  discourse,  said  he 
would  not  undertake  to  plead  his  own  cause 
if  Cicero  was  present. 

"  I  will  not,"  said  Caesar,  "  listen  to  this 
timid  sycophant ;  this  cowardly  soul ;  this 
selfish  orator :  when  he  feared  my  power,  he 
said,  in  full  senate,  that  he  would  be  my  buck- 
ler against  enemies,  and,  at  the  same  time, 
conspired  against  my  life,  and  defends  the  act 
of  Brutus  and  Cassius.  His  cupidity  was  so 
eager,  that  for  money,  he  might  be  bought  on 
the  same  day  to  speak  upon  both  sides  of  a 
case ;  and  so  sober-tongued,  that  there  was 


154  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

not  a  soldier  in  the  army,  who  would  have 
bestowed  upon  his  greatest  foe  one  tittle  of 
the  scurrility  he  heaped  upon  Anthony.  You 
recollect,  Signors,  his  phillipics :  he  had  not 
the  courage  to  support  a  change  of  fortune ; 
and  the  common  cause  was  abandoned  by  this 
patriotic  man  before  he  was  slain  by  An- 
thony." 

"May  all  such  wretches  be  ever  punished  in 
the  same  manner !  and  with  what  can  they 
reproach  me  ?  Did  I  put  any  senator  to  death  ? 
Did  I  pillage  the  commonwealth  ?  Did  I  not 
return,  by  my  will,  what  I  had  amassed  and 
conserved  for  her  defence  ?  Will  they  accuse 
me  of  tyranny  and  usurpation  ?  I,  who  de- 
livered the  Romans  from  the  ambition  of  a 
Pompey  ?  Will  they  charge  me  with  cruelty  ? 
I,  who  could  not  behold  without  weeping 
the  head  of  my  most  inveterate  enemy  1  Yes, 
I  can  truly  say,  that  it  was  grief  at  the  sad 
fate  of  Pompey,  that  invited  me  to  declare  war 
against  Egypt.  I  was  desirous  of  avenging 
the  death  of  this  great  man.  He  would  have 
made  himself  master  of  Rome  if  I  had  not 
prevented  him ;  and  because  I  stood  forth  as 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  155 

the  defender  of  the  public  liberty,  was  assas- 
sinated as  a  usurper.  What  wickedness ! 
What  perfidy  !  What  cruelty  !  The  senate 
recognized  every  thing  I  had  done,  when,  after 
my  death,  they  erected  statues,  and  built  me 
temples.  Infernal  judge,  will  you  bear  with 
these  impious  men,  who  killed  him  whom 
the  empire  delighted  to  honour?" 

Cicero  would  have  spoken,  fearing  the 
eloquence  of  Ca3sar,  or  his  vehemeney,  would 
impose  upon  the  judges ;  but  Cae«ar  constantly 
interrupting  him,  Lucifer,  tired  with  their 
clamours  and  the  length  of  the  cause,  ordered 
that  the  emperor,  as  a  punishment  for  not 
having  profited  by  the  advice  he  received  on 
his  way  to  the  senate,  upon  the  day  of  his 
death,  should  remain  in  his  present  place. 

"  It  was  I,"  said  Cicero,  "  who  caused  this 
information  to  be  sent  him." 

"  Base  liar !  perfidious  man  !"  cried  Caesar, 
''  it  was  you  who  gave  me  this  information  ! 
why  did  you  not  bring  it  yourself?" 

*'  It  was  the  will  of  Fate,  that  Brutus,  Cas- 
sius,  and  other  senators,  involved  in  this  con- 
spiracy,   should   be    marks    for    infamy,    as 


156  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

traitors  to  their  country,  and  as  having  af- 1 
forded  a  direful  example  of  politicians  with- 
out courage." 

After  him  arose  Alexander  the  Great,  very- 
much  vexed  that  Caesar  had  spoken  before 
him,  and  pretending  that  the  cause  of  this 
Roman  emperor  should  not  be  considered  be- 
fore that  of  the  emperor  of  the  world  ;  but  he 
abandoned  his  pretensions,  when  a  crier  had 
made  proclamation,  that  in  hell,  all  conditions 
were  equal,  and  that  the  damned  had  among 
them,  no  other  distinctions  than  those  of 
crime. 

"  Infamous  prince,"  said  Clytus,  who  stood 
behind  Alexander,  "dare  you  speak,  after 
having  murdered  the  best  of  your  friends  ?  Is 
not  the  brightness  of  thy  conquests  tarnished 
by  the  shame  of  thy  cruelty  ?  What  piftiish- 
ment  dost  thou  merit,  for  having  despoiled 
princes  so  distant  froi»  Macedon,  who,  so  far 
from  having  wronged  or  injured  you,  did  not 
even  know  you  ?" 

*'  Silence,"  said  Alexander. 

*'  What !  I  be  silent !  if  Lucifer,  the  chief 
of  this  empire,  imposes  silence  upon  me,  I 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  157 

will  obey  :  but  shall  I  yet  receive  orders  from 
you,  cruel  brigand,  notorious  robber,  sacri- 
legious rascal,  debauchee,  fool,  drunkard,  in- 
cendiary ?" 

*'  No,  no :  speak,  son  of  Olympias,"  said 
Lucifer  to  Alexander. 

He  began  thus :  "  Alexander,  son  of  Ju- 
piter Amnion,  lord  of  the  world,  most  high 
and  mighty  emperor,  conqueror  of  the  habita- 
ble globe — " 

Clytus  laughed  at  the  boasts :  "  what  a  lord ! 
what  an  emperor  !  what  a  god  !  Behold  the 
titles  which  I  dispute.  In  the  first  place,  his 
mother  was  a  virtuous  woman.  She  but 
mocked  her  son,  who,  through  pride,  accused 
her  with  having  committed  adultery  with  Ju- 
piter Ammon.  Secondly,  he  was  not  lord  of 
the  world ;  since  he  did  not  conquer  the  tenth 
part  of  it :  and  thirdly,  it  is  false  that  he  is 
a  great  emperor ;  for  an  emperor  is  only  en- 
nobled by  heroic  virtues  and  qualities,  which 
he  did  not  possess.  And  how  is  it  possi- 
ble that  he  should  be  the  conqueror  of  the 
habitable   globe,  having  never  been  neither 

to  Africa,   nor  very  far  in  Europe,  nor  to 

O 


158  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

China  ?    Thus  he  is  only  Alexander,  as  I  am 
Clytus." 

Here  Lucifer  passed  an  order  that  this 
prince  should  only  assume  the  titles  that 
veritably  pertained  to  him,  and  permitted 
Clytus  to  continue. 

*'  I  was,"  said  Clytus,  '*  the  prime  favourite 
of  this  Alexander,  who,  wishing  to  conquer 
every  body,  had  no  enemy  nearer  and  more 
powerful  than  himself.  Contemplate  our  por- 
traits :  I  was  his  favourite,  and  I  have  always 
seen  him  as  ambitious  of  distinction  in  wick- 
edness as  he  was  for  honourable  action :  but 
as  a  foundation  to  my  complaints  against  him, 
I  ought  to  state,  that  this  prince,  elevated  by 
his  flatterers  to  a  place  among  the  gods,  was 
accustomed  to  speak  without  respect  of  Philip 
his  father.  He  showed  himself  more  munifi- 
cent towards  gladiators,  musicians,  and  drunk- 
ards, than  towards  his  bravest  captains.  In 
conformity  to  this  disposition,  he  gave  the 
kingdom  of  Sidon  to  Abdolonymus,  a  well- 
digger  ;  he  committed  numberless  extrava- 
gances at  the  instigation  of  his  mistresses ; 
to  please  a  courtesan  named  Roxana,  he  burnt 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  159 

the  palace  of  the  Persian  kings  ;  his  conduct 
towards  Parmenio,  Philotas,  and  Calisthenes, 
as  well  as  Aminthus,  his  relation,  is  sufficient 
proof  of  his  barbarity.  And  did  he  not  exhi- 
bit more  than  cruelty  towards  me  ?  I  was  the 
most  faithful  of  his  confidants  ;  he  who  flat- 
tered him  the  least ;  who  gave  him  the  best 
of  counsel ;  to  whom  he  owed  his  reputation 
and  honour.  Alas  !  because  I  had  the  pre- 
sumption to  speak  my  true  sentiments  at  a 
feast,  he  arose  from  the  table  and  inflicted 
upon  me  a  mortal  wound.  I  now  demand 
expiation.  King  of  hell,  revenge  Clytus, 
punish  Alexander." 

This  prince  then  replied  as  follows  : — 
*'  Favourites  bear  the  same  relation  to  sove- 
reigns as  mice  to  cats." 

At  this  exordium  Clytus  began  to  laugh, 
and  said:  "Listen  to  a  comparison  worthy 
of  the  disciple  of  Aristotle." 

*'  The  mouse,"  continued  Alexander,  "seems 
at  first  to  divert  itself  with  the  cat ;  but  finally 
this  animal,  being  more  powerful,  devours  the 
mouse,  who  cannot  accuse  her  with  cruelty 
for  wishing  to  take  her  turn  in  the  sport. 


160  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

Such,  about  me,  was  the  condition  of  Clytus  : 
but  to  demonstrate  the  mistake  of  this  ungrate- 
ful favourite,  I  aver,  that  it  is  the  policy  of 
princes  to  keep  favourites,  who  are  towards 
them  neither  forward  nor  haughty ;  and  not 
to  accord  them  too  much  power.  The  liber- 
ties they  take  with  us  cause  us  to  fall  into 
contempt ;  their  hauteur  makes  us  appear 
timid,  and  their  power  fills  us  with  just  sus- 
picions. Clytus  having  thus  taken  advantage 
of  me,  I  was  frequently  ashamed  of  his  fami- 
liarities. Such  was  his  pride,  that  if  I  dared 
to  contradict  him  in  the  least  thing,  he  reared 
up  like  an  unruly  horse :  my  bounty  had 
rendered  him  so  powerful,  that  he  was  in  fact 
Alexander,  and  I  was  but  Clytus.  In  particu- 
lar, he  abused  my  mistresses,  and  the  officers 
of  my  house ;  in  counsel  he  was  always  right 
and  I  wrong ;  in  every  battle,  it  was  he  that 
was  victorious,  and  I  who  had  been  slack  and 
timid.  If  I  put  some  to  death,  it  was  but 
consonant  with  justice,  to  punish  the  seditious 
or  conspiring ;  if  I  burnt  the  palace  of  the 
kings  of  Persia,  it  was  for  the  purpose  of  de- 
stroying a  fortress  that  had  been  used  against 


I 


REFORMATION  OF  TIELL.  161 


•  me ;  if  the  pleasures  tliat  were  indulged  in 
after  my  conquests  were  sometimes  too  free, 
it  arose  from  a  desire  to  gratify  my  generals ; 
in  fine,  the  death  of  Clytus  crushed  those 
treasonous  designs  of  which  I  had  notice. 
He  only  waited  for  an  opportunity  to  set  one 
part  of  my  army  against  the  other,  and  to 
despatch  me.  I  sang  at  a  feast  the  songs  my 
soldiers  had  composed  upon  their  officers  and 
myself;  I  rallied  Clytus  for  having,  in  a  cer- 
tain action,  taken  to  flight :  this  madman  let 
loose  his  rage  upon  me ;  he  loaded  me  with 
contumely ;  the  wine  he  had  drank  deprived 
him  of  reason :  I  thought  it  was  time  to  punish 
his  audacity,  and  to  prevent  the  excesses  to 
which  it  might  carry  him.  Thus  perished  an 
usurping,  traitorous,  insolent  and  unworthy 
favourite.  Lucifer,  I  have  spoken  the  truth." 
After  having  heard  the  parties,  the  king 
said  to  his  demons,  "Take  notice  how  proper 
it  is  that  a  subject  should  be  faithful  and  sub- 
missive to  his  prince ;  and  that  a  favourite 
should  not  go  beyond  the  respect  he  owes  to 
his  sovereign.     We  do  order  that  as  long  as 

Alexander  shall  be  tormented  by  his  ambition, 

o2 


162  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

Clytus  shall  experience  all  the  remorse  that 
springs  from  rashness  and  ingratitude." 

At  the  same  moment  was  heard  the  voice 
of  Seneca,  speaking  to  Nero  :  "  Cruel  prince, 
how  have  you  profited  by  the  lessons  of 
clemency,  goodness,  and  humanity  I  have 
given  you  ?  Did  you  not  murder  me  to  re- 
possess yourself  of  the  wealth  I  had  received 
from  you  ?  Such  was  my  recompense  for 
having  raised  you  to  empire.  Was  it  not  I 
who  saved  you  from  the  conspiracy  formed 
by  Piso,  after  you  had  set  fire  to  all  quarters 
of  Rome  ?  Was  it  not  I  who  delivered  you 
from  the  snares  which  had  been  spread  for 
you  by  the  friends  of  your  mother  Agrippina, 
whom  you  afterwards  put  to  death  ?  I  was 
more  careful  of  your  reputation  than  yourself, 
when  I  advised  you  not  to  exhibit  yourself  as 
a  comedian  upon  the  theatre ;  when  you  en- 
tered the  lists  to  dispute  the  prize  of  poetry 
with  Lucan,  whom  you  afterwards  assas- 
sinated.'* 

"  Old  fool,"  said  Nero,  in  a  slender  voice, 
"  thou  wert  become  unworthy  of  my  favours 
by  thy  excessive  ambition,  and  by  the  dis- 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  163 

honour  you  brought  upon  my  palace.  Great 
Lucifer,  you  see  a  man  who,  being  my  pre- 
ceptor, did  not  profit  by  his  own  theory.  He 
maintained  a  shameful  commerce  with  my 
mother;  and  with  a  view  to  favour  it,  poison- 
ed the  Emperor  Claudius,  my  father,  who 
did  not  commit  suicide,  as  was  the  prevalent 
opinion  at  Rome.  The  partiality  of  my  mother 
filled  him  with  such  audacity,  that  he  pro- 
jected mounting  the  throne,  and  having  me 
poisoned.  I  was  informed  of  the  intrigue, 
which  I  suspected  before  having  received 
positive  advice.  -  I  observed  that  his  immense 
wealth  had  obtained  him  very  many  friends 
among  the  senators,  gentlemen,  and  oificers 
of  the  army ;  and  it  is  worth  while,  also,  to 
knov;^,  that  this  man  who  preached  so  much 
about  frugality,  and  the  love  of  mediocrity, 
was  far  from  practising  these  virtues,  which 
are  easily  reported  of  a  man  possessing  twelve 
millions  of  revenue.  After  having  punished 
the  tyranny  and  usurpation  of  my  mother,  I 
was  bound  to  punish  the  crimes  of  Seneca ; 
but  I  was  yet  lenient  enough  to  leave  the 
manner  of  his  death  to  his  own  choice." 


164  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

"  The  subjects  and  favourites  of  princes,'* 
said  Lucifer,  "  are  always  culpable,  when 
they  are  ungrateful,  or  entertain  any  other 
desire  than  the  prosperity  of  their  masters  : 
they  ought  to  leave  to  them  the  recompense 
of  their  services,  without  attempting  to  reward 
themselves.  We  will,  then,  that  the  philoso- 
pher, Seneca,  born  in  Spain,  should  be  pun- 
ished as  if  he  had  compassed  his  designs  upon 
Nero  :  and  that  Nero  be  treated  as  an  unjust 
and  barbarous  prince." 

"This  ordinance,"  said  Sejanus,  " does  not 
concern  me  :  Tiberius  caused  me  to  be  assas- 
sinated without  reason,  actuated  by  one  of 
those  suspicions  to  which  he  was  usually  ad- 
dicted. He  was  troubled  more  by  a  fear  of 
losing  his  life,  than  the  empire.  His  courte- 
zans had  too  much  influence  over  him.  As 
to  myself,  I  have  never  punished  any  but  the 
enemies  of  Tiberius  :  to  be  sure,  they  were 
also  mine.  But  were  not,  in  truth,  the  oppo- 
sers  of  a  minister  who  governed  as  well  as  I 
did,  foes  to  their  prince  and  country  ?" 

Tiberius  would  have  answered;  but  Lu- 
cifer, interrupting  him,  ordered  that  all   the 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  165 

favourites  of  princes  should  come  in.  There 
appeared  a  vast  number,  among  them  Plautius, 
the  favourite  of  Severus,  was  particularly  re- 
markable :  also  Faustus,  the  favourite  of  Phyr- 
rhus,  king  of  Epirus;  Pyreneus  and  Clean- 
drus,  favourites  of  the  emperor  Commodus ; 
Cincinnatus,  favourite  of  Britulus ;  Rufus,  fa- 
vourite of  Domitian ;  Ampronisius,  favourite 
of  Adrian  ;  Belisarius,  favourite  of  Justinian. 
"Listen,"  said  Lucifer;  "the  favour  of  princes 
is  like  quick-silver,  the  motion  of  which  can- 
not be  arrested,  and  which  flies  the  endeavour 
to  restrain  it.  If  one  would  sublimate  it,  it  is  a 
vapour  that  exhales  itself;  and  often,  if  too  much 
is  used,  it  becomes  dangerous.  If  one  anoints 
with  it,  it  penetrates  to  the  very  bones  :  those 
who  are  accustomed  to  draw  it  from  the  mine, 
,  and  purify  it,  contract  a  malady  which  makes 
them  tremble  all  their  lives.  This  is  the  cha- 
racter of  princes'  favour  :  it  is  inconstant,  be- 
cause it  depends  upon  the  humour  and  passion 
of  one  who  seeks  only  novelty  and  the  plea- 
sure of  the  moment.  If  you  are  importunate, 
if  you  exhibit  the  least  sign  of  impatience, 
if  you  are  even  suspected  of  prudence  in  the 


166  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

management  of  your  credit  or  fortune,  the, 
attachment  of  the  prince  will  cool.  If  you 
show  any  marks  of  envy  against  another,  of 
discontent  in  yourself,  or  indifference  in  the 
presence  of  your  protector,  he  suspects  you, 
and  passes  straightway  from  suspicion  to  en- 
mity and  hatred.  Bear  then  with  resignation 
your  bad  fortune  and  the  humour  of  your  mas- 
ter :  your  pains,  attentions,  time,  health, 
wealth  all  lost,  you  are  at  length  obliged  to 
return  into  your  humble  retreat,  there  to  ex- 
pect death  ;  which,  to  your  grief,  comes  not 
soon  enough  to  free  you  from  regret  and 
the  remembrance  of  your  follies.  A  casual 
sally,  an  instant  of  good  humor,  a  lucky  word, 
a  sudden  caprice,  a  nothing,  makes  a  favourite. 
Five  or  six  years  suffice  for  his  fortune ;  if 
delayed,  it  escapes  him.  The  same  causes  can 
bestow  or  withdraw  favour.  A  favourite  ought 
to  make  these  reflections  in  his  prosperity, — 
that  he  must  abstain  from  those  liberties  that 
are  common  among  equals,  and  that  freedom 
which  friends  indulge  in;  that  he  must  be 
constantly  submissive,  and  know  how  to  ac- 
company respect  with  complaisance ;  that  the 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  167 

prince  ought  always  to  speak  the  first  word  in 
a  confidential  aftair ;  and  to  preserve  his  se- 
crets, he  must  dispose  himself  to  every  kind 
of  privation.  He  who  hath  not  regulated  his 
conduct  by  these  precepts  must  bear  the  bur- 
den of  his  own  imprudence ;  and  for  this  rea- 
son we  order  that  those  favourites  who  have 
incurred  the  displeasure  of  their  sovereigns 
shall  be  punished  as  unfaithful  subjects." 

Lucifer  then  commanded  an  old  man  to  ad- 
vance, whom  he  perceived  in  the  hall  behind 
the  others.  There  advanced  then  a  man  of  a 
pleasant  countenance,  in  a  Greek  habit,  and 
followed  by  other  persons  clothed  in  the  same 
manner. 

"I  am  Solon,"  said  this  old  man :  "I 
gave  to  the  Athenians  laws  which  they  did 
not  exactly  follow ;  this  person  contiguous  to 
me  is  the  philosopher  Anaxarchus,  whom  the 
tyrant  Nicocreon  caused  to  be  brayed  in  a 
mortar :  in  this  little  hump-back,  behold  the 
famous  Aristotle,  preceptor  to  the  great  Alex- 
ander :  his  philosophy  excused  the  disciple 
from  practising  the  morality  he  taught.  This 
academician  is  Socrates,   whom   his    fellow 


168  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

citizens  put  to  death  v/ith  a  cup  of  hemlock. 
This  old  man  is  the  divine  Plato,  who,  spite 
of  the  sublimity  of  his  doctrine,  sold  oil  for 
the  defrayment  of  his  expenses.  All  the  rest  1 
are  men  of  letters,  who,  like  ourselves,  have  | 
excited  the  envy,  and  experienced  the  ven- 
geance of  the  princes,  Archons  and  Tyrants, 
of  Athens  ;  and  it  is  now  upon  these  tyrants 
we  unitedly  demand  vengeance." 

Then  Denis,  the  tyrant,  accompanied  by 
some  other  princes,  presented  themselves  and  ''| 
spoke  in  this  manner: — *'  Of  whom  do  these 
old  dotards  complain  ?  Infatuated  by  their 
conceits,  they  pretended  to  dictate  law  to  the 
whole  world  !  In  fact  they  had  so  imbued  the 
people  with  their  dogmas  and  tiieir  customs, 
that  when  we  wished  to  make  some  changes, 
they  excited  sedition.  They  had  so  much 
pride  and  presumption,  that  they  arrogated  to 
themselves  alone  the  possession  of  common 
sense  and  reason ;  while  in  truth  they  were 
distinguished  but  for  opinions  founded  upon 
vain  subtilties,  and  by  a  language  not  common 
and  familiar  to  men  : — and  now  I  sliould  like 
to  ask  them  what  certain  knowledge  they  had ; 


REFORMATION   OF  HELL.  169 

what  was  their  idea  upon  the  nature  of  the 
soul  ?  and  what  constituted  the  reason  and 
equity  of  their  laws  ?" 

"  I  will  add  to  that,"  said  Julian,  the  apos- 
tate, *'  that  there  are  pedants,  who,  under  the 
affectation  of  austerity,  concealed  the  most 
extreme  ambition.  Do  they  complain  of  the 
contempt  that  was  shown  them,  when  their 
manner  of  living  exposed  them  to  it  ?  Will 
they  speak  of  their  poverty,  who  would  not 
labour  for  a  living  ?  The  people  of  letters  de- 
ceive themselves  if  they  believe  that  princes 
and  the  public  ought  to  enrich  them  for  vain 
and  useless  sciences.  Should  they  not  make 
their  calculation  for  that,  when,  idle  in  their 
cabinets,  they  amuse  themselves  in  contem- 
plating the  figures  and  number  of  the  stars, 
which  they  apply,  to  find  fault  with  the  com- 
mon prejudices  of  our  ancestors  ?" 

"At  least,"  observed  Cato  of  Utica,  **■  you 
cannot  make  those  remarks  with  regard  to 
Cicero,  or  myself,  who  have  exercised  the 
highest  magistracies  of  Rome." 

"  Old  fox,"  answered  Julian,  "  I  cannot,  it 

is  true,  say  so  of  you  two  ;   for  if  you   were 

P 


170  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

attached  to  letters,  you  were  still  more  so  to 
your  fortunes.  And  of  whom  can  you  com- 
plain, you  who  accelerated  your  own  death  ? 
Did  you  not  hope  to  gain  an  easy  immortality 
in  thus  quitting  your  terrestrial  abode  ?  It  was 
to  arrive  at  this,  that  you  did  not  wish  to  sur- 
vive the  pretended  misfortunes  of  your  coun- 
try. Fine  courage  that,  of  a  man  who  kills 
himself  to  escape  fighting  with  his  enemies ! 
Would  you  not  have  done  better  to  have  pre- 
eerved  yourselves  for  the  defence  of  Rome, 
its  liberty,  and  your  goods  ?" 

"  I  recommend  you,"  said  Cato,  "  to  the 
Antiochians  :  they  will  tell  the  truth  of  you 
better  than  I  can :  they  know  you  ;  they  are 
fully  acquainted  with  your  pusillanimity,  your 
vices,  but,  above  all,  with  your  vanity, 
which  surpasses  your  knowledge  and  elo- 
quence. Look  at  this  great  emperor,  who,  to 
punish  Antioch,  quits  the  sword,  assumes  the 
pen,  and  is,  after  all,  nothing  but  an  igno- 
ramus." 

"  I  am  called  Suetonius,"  said  he,  wlio 
presented  himself  next. 

"  Yes,  this  is  Suetonius,"  said  the  emperor 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  171 

Domitian,  who  was  at  his  side  ;  "  this  is  that 
notorious  forger,  and  compiler  of  histories  and 
chronicles,  who,  after  the  example  of  other 
historians,  being  a  partisan  and  a  flatterer, 
speaks  the  truth  from  caprice,  and  lies  from 
inclination." 

"  I !"  said  Suetonius  ;  ''  I  have  said  nothing 
that  I  cannot  prove  by  indubitable  evidence. 
Is  it  not  true,  that  upon  the  testimony  of  vile 
informers,  you  have  taken  from  the  living, 
the  estates  of  the  dead  who  were  accused  ?  Is 
it  not  true  that  you  have  levied  upon  your 
subjects  tributes  so  enormous,  that  they  were 
forced  to  claim  protection  from  a  foreign 
power  ?  Is  it  not  true  that  you  have  despoiled 
the  Jews  of  their  goods  only  because  they 
were  born  Jews  ?  Is  it  then  a  crime  to  have 
been  circumcised  at  birth  and  not  to  adore  the 
gods  of  the  Roman  empire  ?  Is  it  not  true 
that  by  your  excessive  expenses  for  theatres, 
and  buildings,  you  have  exhausted  the  purses 
of  the  Romans,  and  left  to  perish  with  hunger 
the  bravest  soldiers  of  the  army  ?  To  escape 
the  consequences  of  a  sedition,  you  committed 
horrible  pillages,  and  thus  paid  your  debts. 


172  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

Your  pride  and  impiety  are  exhibited  in  thesje 
few  words,  extracted  from  one  of  your  decla- 
rations :  '  Vour  Lord,  your  God,^  commands 
thus." 

"What  signifies  that?"  said  Domitian: 
* '  Are  not  the  emperors  gods  as  well  during 
their  lives  as  after  their  death?  Were  not 
Augustus  and  Caesar  adored  in  the  empire? 
I  was  as  much  a  god  at  the  time  I  willed  it, 
as  my  predecessors  have  been  gods  after  their 
death.  The  divinity  of  men  is  nothing  but  a 
power  superior  to  that  of  others,  as  the  pre- 
sent divinity  of  Augustus  is  but  a  perfection 
above  the  virtues  and  qualities  of  living  men. 
But  who,  among  men  of  sense,  has  ever  be- 
lieved that  the  gods  were  like  men  ?  or  adored 
in  the  statue  any  thing  more  than  the 
virtue  of  the  original  ?  Who  ever  believed 
that  the  number  of  gods  was  equal  to  their 
names,  their  temples,  or  their  statues  ?  No, 
no,  Suetonius,  you  did  not  believe  all  this, 
and  it  is  from  perfidiousness  that  you  have 
accused  me  of  impiety  for  being  called  a  god-" 

"  And  your  unjust  vexations,"  replied  Sue- 
tonius. 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  173 

*'  As  it  regards  that,"  said  the  emperor, 
**  subjects  who  cannot  penetrate  the  designs 
of  their  sovereigns  always  consider  the  tributes 
imposed  upon  them  as  unjust;  but  if  enemies 
were  about  to  inundate  the  kingdom ;  if  the 
empire  was  menaced  with  approaching  ruin  ; 
if  there  was  danger  of  the  pillage  and  sack  of 
frontier  cities,  would  not  the  prince  have  rea- 
son to  take  measures  for  the  prevention  of 
these  disasters  by  a  heavier  levy,  and  a  stronger 
assemblage  of  troops  ?  If  I  had  apprized  the 
Romans  of  these  things,  which  I  had  learned 
by  my  spies,  they  would  have  been  more 
likely  to  have  risen  against  myself,  than 
against  the  common  enemy :  so  powerful  is 
the  voice  of  interest  with  the  multitude  !" 

Here  Lucifer  interrupted  the  emperor  and 
ordered  all  the  historians,  historiographers, 
authors  of  journals,  of  memoirs  and  chronicles, 
to  advance,  to  listen  to  their  sentence.  "  It 
is,"  said  he,  *'  for  the  public  interest,  that 
mendacity  should  be  punished  in  writers,  as 
in  those  who  speak  falsely  ;  but  it  is  of  equal 
interest  that  writers  should  be  permitted  to 
speak  the  truth,  without  flattery  and  without 

p2 


174  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

fear,  to  the  end,  that  men  by  reading  the 
history  of  their  ancestors,  may  learn  to  be- 
come good,  and  detest  the  conduct  of  the  un- 
just. Although  it  is  crime  that  brings  us  sub- 
jects, ive  wish,  nevertheless,  that  it  should  be 
punished  in  our  empire  ;  and  it  is  that  which 
constitutes  the  justice  of  the  torments  they 
feel.  A  prince  flatters  himself  in  vain  with  a 
fine  and  secret  policy,  if  his  subjects  are  ren- 
dered unhappy  by  the  rules  he  has  prescribed 
for  their  conduct ;  whatever  colour  he  may 
take  to  cover  his  actions,  and  make  them  ap- 
pear just,  if  they  are  not  so  in  effect,  which 
the  event  proves,  he  expects  in  vain  the  ap- 
probation, the  esteem  and  love  of  his  subjects. 
The  writer  who  undertakes  a  history  ought 
to  divest  himself  of  the  sentiments  of  both  love 
and  hatred  ;  he  ought  to  have  no  partiality  for 
country,  relations  or  friends  ;  he  is  the  sole 
judge  of  the  aflairs  of  which  he  treats,  and 
the  master  of  princes  when  he  describes  their 
actions.  Accordingly,  we  ordain,  that  Domi- 
tian  and  the  other  princes  shall  submit  to  the 
judgments  of  their  historians ;  that  the  histo- 
rians shall  be  punished  for  flatteries  and  lies ; 


REFORMATION*  OF  HELL.  175 

for  the  examination  of  which,  we  order  them 
before  the  tribunals  of  conscience,  to  whom 
we  delegate  plenary  authority  for  the  decision 
of  their  cases  ;  and  as  a  judgment  upon  the 
geometricians,  geographers,  astronomers,  and 
mathematicians,  we  conden^n  the  one  party 
to  measure  by  minutes,  seconds,  and  lines, 
the  dimensions  of  all  tlie  provinces,  kingdoms, 
and  empires  of  the  earth  ;  and  the  others  to  be 
shut  up  in  the  planets  upon  which  they  have 
pretended  to  make  observations,  to  the  end 
that  they  may  be  instructed  by  their  expe- 
rience. Furthermore  we  decree,  that  after- 
wards, the  aforesaid  geometricians,  geogra- 
phers, astronomers,  and  mathematicians,  to  be 
there  punished  for  their  foolish  and  rash 
opinions." 

The  audience  having  now  lasted  a  con- 
siderable time,  Lucifer  commanded  something 
to  eat  to  be  broudit  into  the  middle  of  the 
hall.  Forthwith  there  appeared  a  vast  number 
of  chirurgians,  cooks  of  hell,  with  an  almost 
equal  number  of  apothecaries,  having  the  title 
of  confectioners  to  the  devil.  They  set  forth 
a  great  table  of  gold,  upon  which  they  placed 


176  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

a  vast  quantity  of  silver  plate :  they  informed 
me  that  this  table  and  plate  had  been  fabrica- 
ted with  the  gold  and  silver  stolen,  and  after- 
wards sold  to  the  goldsmiths.  I  have  never 
any  where  seen  such  a  quantity  of  linen : 
it  proceeded  from  the  thefts  committed  by 
linen  dealers  and  washer  women  ;  for  all  that 
is  stolen  upon  earth,  goes  into  hell  after  the 
second  or  third  generation  of  thieves.  They 
served  for  the  first  course  a  heap  of  tailors 
roasted  upon  the  spit.  Lucifer  is  very  fond 
of  this  meal ;  and  the  expression,  "  may  the 
devil  sivallow  me,"  which  the  tailors  often 
use,  is  not  inappropriate ;  for  he  does  swallow 
many;  and  the  demons,  his  table  companions, 
do  the  same:  the  subjects  always  having 
tastes  similar  to  those  of  their  masters,  be  they 
good  or  bad.  I  inquired  of  one  of  the  demons, 
why  his  infernal  majesty  devoured  more  tai- 
lors than  cooks,  sausage  makers,  butchers, 
peruquiers,  in  short,  people  of  other  trades. 

"It  is,"  said  he,  "for  a  very  politic  rea- 
son ;  for  otherwise  he  would  soon  want  sub- 
jects of  any  other  description  ;  those  of  other 
trades  are  by  far  the  least  in  number,  while 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  177 

the  Others  are  so  plenty,  that  if  we  could  eat 
them  all  in  one  day,  the  morrow  would  sup- 
ply as  many  more :  they  arrive  continually, 
in  one  eternal  troop.  Sometimes  in  beholding 
them  afar  off,  we  imagine  them  to  be  entire 
armies,  coming  to  besiege  us :  this  trade  is 
more  useful  in  hell,  than  you  would  be  apt  to 
think :  we  send  among  the  tailors,  young  de- 
vils without  experience  :  their  shops  are  so 
many  academies  for  our  youth.  If  you  had 
nice  eyes,  you  might  perceive  more  than  fifty 
young  demons  in  each  tailor  shop ;  some  cut 
the  cloth ;  others  the  list ;  these  take  away 
the  superfluous  pieces  ;  those  put  them  in  the 
place  they  call  th€  street;  while  some  do 
nothing  but  open  and  shut  the  place  they  call 
the  eye^  Some  carry  the  cabbaged  pieces  to 
sell ;  others  make  complete  suits  out  of  the 
patterns  cut  from  the  cloth  ;  in  fine,  there  are 
many  about  the  women,  girls,  and  valets  of 
the  tailor,  to  assist  them  in  stealing  the  cloth, 
or  stretching  the  binding.  When  these  young 
devils  have  finished  their  diabolical  appren- 
ticeship, they  are  sent  to  the  merchants.  lu 
that  station  they  abridge  all  the  measures,  and 


178  REFORMATION  OF  HELL 

sometimes  throw  themselves  into  the  scale, 
among  the  merchandise,  to  make  it  weigh 
more  :  if  you  could  see  all  their  tricks,  you 
would  be  highly  amused." 

When  this  course  was  removed  from  the 
table,  they  served  another  of  tailors,  roasted 
upon  the  gridiron  :  after  that,  others,  baked  in 
pates,  smothered  in  a  pot,  fried  in  a  pan,  and 
dressed  in  a  hundred  different  ways,  with  this 
only  difference,  that  those  of  each  nation  had 
a  particular  dressing.  The  French  tailors 
were  spitted ;  the  English,  grilled  ;  the  Hol- 
land, fried  ;  the  Germans,  smothered  in  a  pot ; 
the  Italians,  made  into  ragout ;  the  Spanish, 
boiled,  because  they  are  ordinarily  hard  ;  the 
Polonese,  in  pates  ;  the  Hungarians,  salad  ; 
the  Turks,  cooked  in  rice  ;  the  Greeks,  in 
wine  ;  the  Arabians,  dried  in  the  sun ;  the 
Egyptians,  with  onion  sauce  ;  the  Algerines, 
fried  in  lard ;  the  Portuguese,  preserved  in 
sugar ;  the  Danish,  Swedish,  and  Muscovite, 
were  almost  all  dressed  in  the  same  manner ; 
that  is  to  say,  baked  in  brandy ;  the  Tartar, 
boiled  in  horse  grease  ;  the  Persian,  fricaseed 
with  gravy  de  demon  ;  the  Indians,  baked  in 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  179 

bananas  ;  the  Chinese,  and  all  the  islanders, 
were  very  much  seasoned  with  spices  and  su- 
gar ;  the  Ethiopians,  negroes  of  Fez,  Morocco, 
and  Guinea,  were  baked  in  black  butter  ;  and 
the  Americans,  in  milk. 

"  What  an  immense  quantity  of  tailors,'* 
said  I  to  the  demon  who  was  near  me  ;  "  your 
cooks  must  understand  their  business,  to  be 
able  to  compound  so  many  dishes  of  viands, 
which  differ  no  more  the  one  from  the  other, 
than  the  bullocks  of  Spain  from  those  of 
Ireland." 

They  served  to  Lucifer  wine  of  the  various 
publicans  of  the  world.  "  Fie  !"  said  I  to  the 
demon ;  "  your  master  is  hardly  a  connoisseur 
of  wine." 

"You  are  mistaken,"  said  he  ;  "  it  is  true, 
that  this  wine  has  been  mixed  with  water, 
sugar,  and  spices ;  but  the  publicans  are  obliged 
to  separate  all  these  drugs,  even  the  water 
which  they  ordinarily  put  in,  from  the  rest, 
which  remains  pure,  fair  and  clear ;  if  the 
publicans  did  not  do  this,  they  would  put 
them  in  the  press,  and  draw  from  their  veins 
all  the  wine  they  had  themselves  drank." 


180  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

"  How !"  said  I,  "  do  you  live  upon  nothing 
but  human  flesh  ?" 

"  How  should  we  live  else  ?"  answered  he. 
**  Can  we  eat  beef,  mutton,  partridges,  fish, 
and  beans  ?  These  animals  come  not  hither, 
but  in  smoke  ;  and  herbs  will  not  grow  in  a 
place  so  hot." 

"  How  can  you  say  that  animals  come  here 
in  smoke?" 

"  It  is  those  the  idolaters  sacrifice  to  the 
prince  of  demons :  this  smoke  penetrates  even 
to  this  place,  and  is  the  only  perfume  agree- 
able to  our  sovereign  ;  for  as  to  ^he  scented 
oils,  powders,  and  pomatums,  of  which  the 
men  and  women  of  the  other  life  make  use, 
Lucifer  is  so  incommoded,  that  those  who 
are  thus  scented,  dare  not  approach  his  apart- 
ment." 

*'  Egad  !"  said  I,  "  Lucifer  has  then  a  smell 
keener  than  that  of  a  hound." 

"  Yes  :  he  has  so  fine  a  scent,  that  he  in- 
stantly knows  whether  a  girl  has  been  cau- 
tious or  not ;  whether  she  has  been  married, 
or  not,  and  the  exact  number  of  times :  and 
the  other  day  there  came  here  a  menette,  who 


REFORMATIO^'  OF  HELL.  181 

made  a  profession  of  mcnetlisme,  wearing  the 
habits,  air,  ei  cetera:  she  wanted  to  make 
every  thing  appear  smooth,  saying,  that  she 
had  been  sent  here  for  having  administered  to 
herself  the  discipline,  contrary  to  the  direction 
of  her  directors  :  but  the  prince  approaching 
her,  perceived,  and  said  immediately,  that  this 
habit,  modest  as  it  was,  covered  much  inde- 
votion,  sacrilege,  gallantry,  and  falsehood. 
The  young  girl  retired  abashed  ;  she  had  not 
imagined  that  any  person  could  discover,  un- 
der the  exterior  of  such  simplicity,  w^hat  she 
had  been  guilty  of,  during  her  life  ;  you  see 
Lucifer  has  an  exquisite  nose." 

"  If  he  has,"  said  I,  "  the  other  senses  in  a 
similar  perfection,  he  well  merits  the  com- 
mandery  of  hell." 

In  the  mean  time,  Lucifer,  and  the  other 
lords,  invited  to  his  table,  continued  to  eat 
with  good  appetite  :  besides  the  individuals 
of  his  council,  there  were  a  great  number 
whom  I  heard  designated  by  the  names  given 
to  the  gods  of  fable,  such  as  Jupiter,  Saturn, 
Apollo,  Mercury  :  and  to  goddesses,  such  as 
Juno,  Venus,  Diana,  Proserpina,  and  others ; 

Q 


182  REFORMATION*  OF  HELL. 

I  should  think  there  were  at  least  fifty  per- 
sons at  table.  These  gods  and  goddesses 
were  men  and  women,  like  the  others  ;  and 
in  reflecting  upon  that  circumstance,  I  thought 
they  were  princesses  and  princes,  whom  the 
people  had  put  in  the  place  of  gods.  But  these 
ignorant  people  deceive  themselves  ;  for  their 
gods,  instead  of  being  in  heaven,  are  -in  hell. 
The  same  thing  often  happens  in  the  world  ; 
a  particular  person  is  looked  upon  as  a  man 
of  honour,  who  is,  in  fact,  worse  than  one 
whom  they  consider  the  most  knavish ;  another 
as  a  good  man,  who,  in  truth,  is  one  of  the 
worst ;  they  frequently  speak  of  one  as  happy 
after  death,  whose  lot,  if  they  did  but  know 
it,  is  quite  the  contrary  :  this  is  the  sentiment 
of  saint  Pere,  who  said,  "  they  peopled  hea- 
ven with  the  inhabitants  of  hell."  The  des- 
sert served  up  to  this  great  demon,  was  very 
pleasant  to  behold  :  it  consisted  of  hypocrites, 
bigots,  and  apostate  monks,  all  preserved  in 
sugar  :  in  the  middle  of  it  was  a  country  seat 
in  sugar :  one  could  perceive  tlie  chateau, 
with  its  fosses,  garden,  park,  Avood,  closes, 
vineyards,  fish-ponds,  fountains,  jets  of  water, 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  183 

mill,  stables,  and  farms  ;  the  whole  being  exe- 
cuted in  the  most  perfect  symmetry  of  archi- 
tecture. 

The  demon  observing  my  surprise,  told 
me,  the  devil  usually  devoured  goods  unjustly 
!  -  acquired  :  "  have  you  not,"  said  he,  heard  it 
remarked,  that  property  illy  gotten,  failed  not 
to  go  to  the  devil  P  It  comes  to  us  ;  for  be  it 
known  to  you,  that  what  is  lost  in  the  world, 
falls  down  here.  You  can  find  in  our  maga- 
zines things  of  every  description :  the  entire 
shops  of  merchants,  stores  of  grain  and  wine, 
tons  of  silver,  an  arsenal  filled  with  arms, 
cabinets  of  jewelry  and  precious  stones,  ta- 
blets covered  with  antique  medals,  a  kind  of 
pantheon,  filled  with  idols  of  gold,  silver,  and 
bronze,  which  you  have  no  doubt  seen  at  the 
houses  of  antiquaries  :  for  the  fruits  of  lar- 
cenies, spunging,  and  usury,  always  come 
straight  to  us." 

After  the  desert,  the  Jews  and  Turks 
brought  coffee,  tea,  chocolate,  tobacco,  aqua 
vitas,  liquors,  and  opium.  The  lords  drank 
of  all,  and  Jupiter  partook  so  freely  of  tobacco 
and  brandy,  that  he  became  quite  elevated : 


184  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

he  began  to  sing  a  song  in  the  Greek  lan- 
guage, the  substance  of  which  was  :  "  What 
a  charming  spectacle  for  the  mighty  Lucifer ! 
the  dead  dispersed  throughout  this  cavern,  are 
to  him  delicious  meats.  Subtle  Love,  and 
you  gods  of  combat,  theft,  and  drunkenness, 
contribute  to  content  the  taste  and  desires  of 
our  sovereign.  So  long  as  one  remains  in  Tar- 
tarus, he  must  not  hope  for  any  other  pleasure ; 
we  must  not  think  of  objects  to  be  procured  in 
other  places." — While  Jupiter  repeated  this 
song,  Juno  accompanied  him,  saying  :  "  So 
long  as  one  reiaains  in  Tartarus,  he  must  not 
hope  for  any  other  pleasure.  Lovers,  you  en- 
hance our  joy,  for  death  hath  separated  you  for 
ever." — In  imitation  of  Jupiter  and  Juno,  Mer- 
cury and  Mars  sang  thus  :  "Yes,  while  one  re- 
mains in  Tartarus,  he  cannot  hope  for  other 
pleasures.  The  money  which  was  our  love,  is 
lost  for  ever  :  we  love  it  still,  but  despairing  of 
enjoyment." — Mars,  with  a  voice  of  thunder, 
sang.  "  Yes,  when  one  is  in  Tartarus,  he  must 
not  hope  for  other  pleasures.  War,  wliich  was 
our  delight,  is  no  more  for  us,  but  a  vain  flour- 
ish :  here  one  hears  neither  fife  nor  drum," 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  185 

After  this" little  concert,  which  amused  Lu- 
cifer, he  made  them  call  the  players  upon  in- 
struments, who  joined  the  gods  and  goddesses. 
There  was  then  heard  the  most  frightful  mu- 
sic :  with  the  sound  of  violins  and  other  in- 
struments, which  were  played  upon  by  those 
who  had  been  musicians  in  the  other  world, 
there  mingled  a  horrid  noise  of  thunder,  and 
raging  wind,  such  as  it  produces  when  it 
rushes  through  a  straight  street,  or  groans, 
amid  a  wood  of  firs.  This  noise  was  suc- 
ceeded by  another,  like  that  which  is  heard  at 
the  eruption  of  Mount  Vesuvius  or  Etna  :  my 
ear  was  struck  with  a  bellowing,  like  that  of 
the  sea,  when  agitated  by  a  furious  tempest. 
All  these  agents  yielded  to  a  choir  of  voices, 
that  issued  from  the  lowest  depths  :  there 
was  heard  nothing  but  complaints,  groans, 
cries,  and  bowlings,  similar  to  those  of  dogs, 
impatient  of  confinement.  I  should  have  ex- 
pired with  fear,  if  I  had  not  been  previously 
warned,  that  this  was  the  music  which  v/ould 
divert  the  prince  of  hell.  Jupiter  and  Mars, 
in  spite  of  their  intrepidity,  found  this  music 
so  disagreeable,  that  they  ceased  singing,  and 

q2 


180  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

signified  their  uneasiness  to  Lucifer.  They 
then  removed  the  table,  and  the  service  of 
plate  ;  and  the  audience  having  been  resum- 
ed, they  began  to  call  up  cases  of  different 
states ;  and  after  having  disposed  of  those 
pertaining  to  the  people  of  justice,  the  sword, 
and  the  church,  they  cited  the  women  of  all 
conditions.  The  beautiful  Helen  then  appear- 
ed, who  complained  that  at  her  return  from 
the  siege  of  Troy,  she  had  been  condemned 
to  be  hung  by  Polixo,  her  relation,  at  whose 
house,  in  the  isle  of  Rhodes,  she  had  taken 
refuge,  Nisistratus  and  Megapontus  having 
driven  her  from  Greece.  She  was  asked  if 
she  had  consented  to  be  abducted  by  Paris  ; 
if  she  had  accorded  him  the  last  favours  be- 
fore leaving  Peloponessus  ;  if  she  had  granted 
the  same  to  the  king  of  Egypt,  when  his  ves- 
sel touched  at  her  country.  She  answered  in- 
genuously to  these  questions,  that  having  been 
married  by  policy  and  force,  to  prince  Mene- 
laus,  she  had  acquainted  him  that  she  did  not 
love  him. 

"  Did  you  love,"  said  Lucifer,  "  the  Tro- 
jan prince  before  marriage  ?" 


REFORMATION    OF  HELL.  187 

"  I  had  not  then  seen  him  ;  but  my  heart 
was  never  for  Menclaus  ;  it  was  free  when 
Paris  came  to  Argos,  and  its  first  impression 
was  in  favour  of  this  stranger  prince.  Am  1 
culpable  for  all  the  evils  caused  by  the  siege 
of  Troy  ?  Furthermore,  the  Greeks  ought 
not  to  complain  of  this  abduction,  as  a  breach 
of  hospitality  :  some  years  before,  they  had 
taken  away  a  Trojan  lady  ;  and  in  ancient 
times,  had  not  Jupiter,  of  Grecian  origin,  sto- 
len Europa,  a  young  princess  of  Asia,  from 
this  part  of  the  world,  inhabited  by  Trojans  ?" 

Menelaus  spoke  after  his  wife,  whose  in- 
gratitude and  infidelity  he  exaggerated ;  he 
accused  her  of  having  poisoned  him  on  the 
return  from  Troy.  "  Why  assassinate  me, 
when  she  had  the  liberty  to  go  to  her  rela- 
tions ?  Could  I  have  done  more  to  express  my 
regret  at  her  loss,  after  her  elopement,  than 
by  building  to  her  memory  a  temple,  conse- 
crated to  Venus  ?" 

"  You  are  a  very  clever  man,"  said  Jupiter 
to  Menelaus  ;  "  who  told  you  that  a  husband 
could  make  his  wife  love  him  by  caresses 
and  services  ?     A  woman  who  does  not  love 


188  KEFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

her  husband,  takes  all  his  cares  for  stratagems, 
invented  by  jealousy  :  she  believes  him  false 
and  wicked.  Accuse  only  your  patience  and 
weakness  ;  and  between  ourselves  who  are 
dead,  since  the  living  cannot  hear  it,  it  is  a 
very  good  joke,  to  make  so  much  noise  about 
the  infidelity  of  a  coquette  :"  and  Jupiter  sang 
a  song,  the  burden  of  which  was,  that  one 
was  often  very  happy  to  be  rid  of  his  wife, 
as  he  then  could  enjoy  the  advantages  of 
liberty. 

*'Am  I  permitted  to  be  as  stoical  as  you 
are  ?"  said  Menelaus.  "  One  must  have  a 
great  force  of  spirit,  to  vanquish  a  passion  like 
that  of  love :  how  cruel,  to  love  without  re- 
turn !  Ah  !  I  now  condemn  myself:  let  Helen 
prosecute  her  quarrel  with  her  relation  Polixo, 
to  which  I  am  a  stranger." 

"  Since  ihis  Grecian  prince  is  voluntarily 
condemned,"  said  Lucifer,  "  I  am  about  to 
pass  sentence  upon  the  husbands  who  have 
complained  of  their  wives ;  and  upon  the 
waves  who  have  complained  of  their  hus- 
bands." 

The  judgment  was  couched  in  these  words ; 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  189 

**  Since  love  is  natural,  and  no  one  can  dic- 
tate a  woman's  will,  and  since  neither  the 
jealousy  nor  severity  of  a  husband  are  of  any 
avail,  to  compel  a  wife  to  conjugal  fidelity, 
we  order,  that  all  husbands  shall  suffer  the 
pain  of  foolish  and  indiscreet  love,  w^ithout 
having  from  that  any  pretence  to  restrain 
them ;  provided,  however,  that  they  may  re- 
venge themselves  with  chance  intrigues,  and 
contribute,  by  their  patience  and  complaisance, 
to  the  ruin  of  their  rivals.  We  ordain,  also, 
that  women  who  complain  of  the  amours  of 
their  husbands,  shall  be  condemned  to  the  tor- 
ments of  jealousy  ;  with  an  equal  permission 
to  those  ladies  w^ho  are  not  beloved  by  their 
husbands,  to  receive  the  cares  and  attentions 
of  their  neighbours.  Finally,  we  forbid  the 
married  of  both  sexes,  to  bring  any  more  ac- 
tions upon  these  subjects,  and  reject  them,  in 
advance,  from  court.  We  command  our  de- 
mons, and  principally  Asmodeus,  the  demon 
of  marriage,  to  bear  in  hand  the  execution  of 
the  present  ordinance.  Given  in  hell,  at  the 
grand  audience  hall,  to  be  signified  to  whom 
it   may  concern. — Signed,  Lucifer,  king  of 


190  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

hell :  and  countersigned  by  my  lord,  the  devil 
Patiras.^^ 

"  Signer,"  said  Cleopatra,  "  this  edict  can- 
not prejudice  my  rights  against  Augustus, 
emperor  of  the  Romans :  his  ambition  prompt- 
ed him  to  attach  to  his  triumphal  car  the 
queen  of  the  Egyptians  :  to  save  myself  from 
this  shame,  I  laid  violent  hands  upon  myself. 
I  demand  that  Augustus  should  be  punished 
as  guilty  of  my  death." 

"  Am  I  responsible  for  your  actions?"  said 
Augustus.  "  Who  informed  you  that  I  should 
put  this  indignity  upon  you  ?  Caesar  had 
loved  you ;  Pom.pey  also,  as  I  believe  :  that 
Antony  did,  no  one  can  doubt.  The  reputa- 
tion of  those  charms  by  which  you  had  sub- 
dued the  conquerors  of  the  world,  had  made 
such  an  impression  upon  my  heart,  that  I 
would  not  only  have  made  you  its  governor, 
but  have  re-established  you  upon  the  throne 
of  your  ancestors ;  but  the  timidity  so  natural 
to  your  sex,  pride,  and  haughtiness,  misled 
you :  the  poison  you  employed  to  produce 
death  was  so  subtle,  that  I  could  never  dis- 
cover its  nature." 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  191 

"All!  tyrant,"  said  Antony  to  Augustus, 
"  you  were  not  satistied  with  having  at  the 
same  time  caused  my  death  and  the  loss  of 
my  empire ;  but  you  must  also  effect  the 
death  of  my  spouse,  whom  I  preferred  to  the 
throne." 

"I  deny  that,"  replied  Augustus;  "you 
abandoned  the  field  of  battle  to  follow  Cleo- 
patra ;  yourself  commanded  a  servant  to  give 
the  blow  of  death,  to  prevent  falling  into  my 
handB  ;  it  was  in  conformity  to  your  counsel 
that  Cleopatra  killed  herself;  great  Lucifer,  I 
am  innocent  of  these  things." 

"  We  ordain,"  said  Lucifer,  "  that  both 
parties  should  be  delivered  to  their  remorse 
of  conscience  ;  if  they  are  not  satisfied  with 
this  judgment,  let  them  present  themselves 
before  Astarte,  sovereign  of  women,  to  whom 
Venus  and  Pallas  are  associated,  where  their 
cases  shall  be  more  amply  examined." 

There  came  next  a  queen,  accompanied  by 
many  women  and  girls,  armed  as  soldiers : 
this  was  said  to  be  the  foundress  of  the  king- 
dom of  the  Amazons.  To  this  troop,  Zenobia, 
queen  of  Palmyra,  Elizabeth,  queen  of  En- 


I 


192  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

gland,  and  other  princesses  who  had  governed 
their  states,  joined  themselves.  Amazonide, 
daughter  of  Samornas,  (so  they  called  the 
foundress  of  this  female  monarchy,)  com- 
plained against  Hercules  that  he  had  made 
some  of  her  subjects  captive :  against  Theseus, 
who  had  married  one,  when  their  army  was 
defeated  in  Greece  ;  against  Achilles,  who 
had  put  to  death  the  princess  Orythia,  for 
having  succoured  the  Trojans  ;  against  Alex- 
ander the  Great,  because,  not  content  with  the 
favours  he  had  received  from  the  queen  Tha- 
lestris,  he  had  put  her  kingdom  under  con- 
tribution ;  against  the  Ephesians,  who,  for 
their  ingratitude  towards  the  Amazons,  who 
had  founded  their  city,  were  themselves  de- 
livered to  other  masters :  and  thus  in  the 
same  manner  against  many  other  princes  and 
people. 

"  Illustrious  women,"  said  Lucifer,  "a  sex 
so  fragile  as  yours,  a  monarchy  so  naturally 
given  to  tenderness,  could  not  resist  the  force 
of  men,  nor  get  away  from  an  empire  so 
sweet  as  that  of  love.  You  have  wished  to 
act  contrary  to  your   destiny  :  made  to  sub- 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  193 

mit,  you  have  desired  to  command ;  but  wo- 
men cannot  reign  but  by  submissions  to  the 
laws  of  love  ;  that  renders  men  completely 
amenable  to  the  will  of  woman.  If  men  have 
done  you  wrong,  accuse  your  own  hearts ; 
they  have  "done  the  injury  of  which  you  com- 
plain. A  warrior,  proud  and  gallant,  is  full 
of  ardour  for  victory  when  a  fair  Amazon  is 
the  price  of  conquest ;  and  on  the  other  hand 
an  Amazon  fears  to  vanquish  a  young  soldier 
whose  amiable  qualities  have  now  disarmed 
her.  So  we  re-commit  to  yourselves  the  ex- 
amination of  those  affairs  you  have  brought  to 
our  tribunal :  do  yourselves  the  justice  I 
should  do,  if  I  examined  the  matter  with 
more  care,  and  let  all  women  be  convinced, 
they  have  no  greater  enemies  than  their  own 
hearts." 

Zenobia  then  took  the  stand,  and  said  to 
Lucifer,  that  her  heart  had  never  been  master 
of  her  head:  "  I  lost,"  continued  she,  "my 
husband  Odenatus,  for  whom  I  had  the  purest 
attachment :  although  he  left  me  young,  my 
subjects  were  willing  to  obey  me.  During 
the   thirty  years   of  my  government,   I   can 

R 


194  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

now  say,  that  I  maintained  my  sway  with  as 
much  mildness  as  wisdom.  When  the  thirty 
tyrants  under  Galienus  divided  the  empire,  I 
took  possession  of  a  province  in  Syria,  that 
had  formerly  been  separated,  and  united  it  to 
my  kingdom.  Aurelian  declared  war  against 
me,  and  having  taken  me  captive,  led  me  in 
chains  behind  his  triumphal  car.  In  the  en- 
deavour to  overcome  the  fidelity  with  which 
I  preserved  the  memory  of  my  spouse,  and 
which  was  my  sole  consolation  for  the  loss 
of  my  crown,  he  exiled  me,  under  a  specious 
pretext,  into  the  Tybertine  country;  but  he 
could  not  vanquish  my  constancy.  Spite  and 
rage  seized  him  ;  he  put  to  death  Herennianus 
and  Timolaus,  my  two  sons,  whom  I  had 
myself  brought  up;  I  had. given  them  an 
excellent  education,  and  had  taught  them  the 
Egyptian,  Greek  and  Latin  languages  ;  it  was 
for  their  use,  that  I  had  compiled  an  abridg- 
ment of  the  oriental  history,  and  that  of  Alex- 
andria. Wliat  was  my  grief  at  seeing  myself 
deprived  of  two  children,  wlio  Mould  have 
perpetuated  my  name,  and  honoured  my 
blood  upon  the  throne  of  Palmyra  !     Let  no 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  195 

one  boast  to  me  of  the  liberality  of  this  prince 
towards  his  subjects :  I  am  aware  that  he 
often  distributed  among  them  clothing,  corn, 
wine  and  oil:  but  this  virtue  was  tarnished 
by  his  avarice  towards  strangers.  Could  he 
not  be  contented  with  the  boundaries  of  the 
Roman  empire,  which  was  a  world  of  itself, 
in  which  one  could  make  voyages  both  by 
land  and  sea?  And  why  should  I  not  accuse 
him  of  the  murder  of  my  two  sons,  since  he 
even  put  to  death  the  son  of  his  sister  ?  His 
cruel  jealousy  might  well  extend  itself  to  the 
children  of  a  queen  whom  he  had  ruined. 
Justice,  god  of  hell !  do  not  suffer  Zenobia  to 
remain  under  the  tyranny  of  this  haughty 
emperor ;  for  even  here,  he  pretends  to  exer- 
cise it  over  me.  Does  not  death  reduce  to  an 
equality  monarchs  and  their  subjects,  conquer- 
ors and  their  slaves  ?  A  distincruished  Roman 
poet  has  said,  '  he  knocks,  without  distinction, 
at  the  gates  of  palaces  and  huts.'  Lucifer, 
hell,  remorse,  eternity,  do  me  justice  for 
these  grievous  tyrannies." 

"Speak   Aurelian,"  said  Lucifer;    "what 
prerogative  do  you  pretend  over  this  princess  ?" 


196  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

The  emperor  answered  in  this  manner  : 
"  Aurelian,  emperor  of  the  Romans,  pontifex 
maximus,  consul,  censor,  augur,  tribune  of 
the  people,  supreme  head  of  Germany,  Par- 
thia,  Persia,  Arabia,  Scythia,  and  Africa,  to 
Lucifer — " 

*'  Lay  aside  these  vain  titles,"  said  Belial, 
who  sat  near  Lucifer  :  "  could  not  the  scur- 
viest beggar  who  had  traversed  with  his  pack, 
for  a  living,  the  various  countries  of  the  globe, 
assume  as  many  with  as  much  propriety  ?" 

"  I  must  then  be  but  plain  Aurelian  ?" 

"  Yes,  you  are  nothing  else.'* 

"  I  will  not  consent  to  it ;  and  I  had  rather 
be  condemned  than  not  to  affix  my  titles  to 
the  head  of  my  defence." 

This  emperor  having  declined  answering, 
Lucifer  accorded  to  queen  Zenobia  what  she 
had  demanded. 

Elizabeth,  queen  of  England,  then  came 
forward :  she  complained  of  the  count  of  Es- 
sex, who  slighted  her  affections  at  the  time 
she  was  sought  by  all  the  princes  of  Europe. 
Lucifer  referred  her  to  the  tribunal  of  Astarte, 
where  he  had  sent  the  Amazons. 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  197 

After  her  appeared  Dido,  queen  of  Car- 
thage. She  testified  great  dissatisfaction  at 
Virgil,  who  had  represented  her  as  enamour- 
ed with  a  man  she  had  never  seen. — Referred 
to  the  same  tribunal. 

Sappho  also  was  in  court :  she  averred  that 
there  had  never  been  any  other  Sappho  than 
herself,  who  was  born  in  the  Island  of  Mity- 
lene :  had  given  her  name  to  the  sapphic 
poetry,  and  was  the  author  of  poems  dedicated 
to  her  friend  Phaon,  one  of  which  had  been 
translated  by  Ovid. 

The  other  Sappho  declared  that  she  was  the 
true,  the  only  Sappho  who  had  existed ;  that 
she  was  born  at  Erise,  in  the  time  of  the 
elder  Tarquin,  king  of  Rome  ;  that  she  had 
married  Cersyla,  of  Andros,  one  of  the  ances- 
tors of  the  muse  Clio ;  and  that  she  had  com- 
posed poems  of  different  kinds.  The  claims 
of  Sappho  of  Mitylene  were  then  recognized, 
and  the  other  forbidden  to  assume  this  name, 
or  any  work  thereunto  appertaining,  because 
the  property  of  a  wife  belonged  to  her  hus- 
band :  and  according  to  the  laws  of  all  na- 
tions, her  acts  ought  to  appear  in  his  name. 

r2 


198  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

Sappho  having  been  confirmed  in  her  rights, 
accused  Phaon  of  coldness  and  ingratitude. 
*'  When,"  said  she,  "  I  had  given  him  my 
heart,  I  was  no  more  mistress  of  myself;  I 
wished  by  my  works  to  immortalize  my  love 
and  his  name :  hard  as  the  rocks  of  Parnassus, 
inflexible  as  the  fiercest  dog  of  Thessaly, 
impenetrable  as  the  isthmus  of  Corinth,  he 
disdained  my  flame  ;  my  verse  made  no  im- 
pression upon  him ;  weary  of  my  love,  he 
sought  but  to  escape  from  me  ;  insensible  to 
my  anguish,  when  I  threw  myself  from  the 
precipice  of  Leucadia,  he  manifested  no  sor- 
row. O,  rage  !  O,  fury  of  love  !  avenge  my 
wrongs." 

Lucifer  ordained  that  Sappho  should  pre- 
sent her  case  before  the  goddess  of  females. 

Artemisa  rehearsed  all  she  had  done  to 
eternise  the  memory  of  her  spouse :  she  re- 
peated a  hundred  times  the  name  of  her  dear 
Mausoleus,  and  demanded  that  he  should 
be  again  restored  to  her,  since  she  had  died 
for  love  of  him. 

The  matron  of  Ephesus,  who  stood  near 
her,  began  to  laugh  loudly,  at  the  idea  of  a 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  109 

woman's  demanding  her  lost  husband  from 
hell. 

Both  of  them  being  adjudged  fools,  for  con- 
trary reasons,  were  remanded  to  their  dun- 
geons. 

Lucretia,  a  Roman  lady,  succeeded  them ; 
she  demanded  justice  against  Tarquin,  who, 
by  her  violation,  had  been  the  cause  of  her 
death.  Jupiter,  who  wished  to  amuse  him- 
self, asked  her  if  she  had  made  any  resistance. 

"  Yes,"  said  she. 

*'What  hindered  you  from  stabbing  Tar- 
quin as  he  approached  you?" 

*'  He  was  the  stronger  party,  and  would  have 
killed  me." 

"  Was  he  alone  ?" 

"  Yes." 

"Was  there  ever  seen  a  man,  who  could, 
unassisted,  force  a  woman  to  the  gratification 
of  his  lust  ?  Why  did  you  not  rather  suffer 
death,  than  permit  him  to  consummate  his 
enterprise  ?" 

"  You  are  so  importunate,  that  I  must  needs 
avow  the  truth :  Collatinus,  my  husband,  dis- 
covering my  intrigues  with  the  young  prince. 


i 


200  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

poinarded  me,  and  then  spread  a  false  re- 
port, to  advance  the  designs  of  Brutus  and 
himself.  This  Jupiter,"  murmured  she,  retir- 
ing, very  angry,  "is  an  impertinent — he  will 
not  believe  that  any  woman  could  be  capable 
of  so  heroic  an  action  as  that  attributed  to 
me,  and  that  they  are  all  coquettes." 

"  Let  all  the  women,"  said  Lucifer,  "  be- 
take themselves  to  the  tribunal  established  for 
them."  He  then  gave  orders  for  the  approach 
of  four  princes,  who  craved  audience :  the 
first  was  Darius,  who  impleaded  Alexander 
the  Great:  the  second,  Bajazet,  who  accused 
Tamerlane  of  robbery :  the  third,  Constan- 
tine  Paleologus,  who  reproached  Mahomet 
with  his  cruelty  and  ambition ;  the  fourth, 
Montezuma,  king  of  Mexico,  who  complained 
against  Fernandez  Cortes,  and  the  usurpation 
of  the  Spaniards.  The  three  first  replied, 
custom,  and  the  laws  of  war  :  as  to  the  last,  he 
was  listened  to,  more  from  curiosity  than  any 
intention  to  reinstate  him  in  his  possessions. 

Montezuma  spake  very  nearly  in  these 
words  :  "  I  was  formerly  the  legitimate  and 
peaceful   possessor   of  the    Mexican   states, 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  201 

which  my  fathers  had  enjoyed  from  the  uni- 
versal dekige,  if  not  before ;  for  there  are 
people  called  preadamites,  who  maintain,  that 
God  created  men  in  that  part  of  the  world 
called  America,  who  did  not  descend  from 
the  first  man  born  in  Asia,  and  whom  they 
called  Adam.  The  avarice  and  temerity  of 
certain  merchants,  led  them  across  the  im- 
mense sea,  which  separates  America  from 
Europe  ;  they  represented  themselves  as  per 
sons,  who,  having  been  shipwrecked,  had 
need  of  succour  :  we  gave  them  firs,  wood, 
and  silver ;  we  aided  them  to  the  extent  of 
our  poAver.  All  these  gifts,  which  ought  to 
have  served  for  the  establishment  of  an  hon- 
ourable commerce  and  friendship,  only  in- 
flamed their  cupidity  and  avarice.  We  were 
their  friends  ;  they  made  us  their  vassals,  af- 
ter having  combatted  us  with  arms,  of  which 
we  were  ignorant :  mounted  on  horses  of 
which  we  were  horribly  afraid,  they  put  us 
to  flight  with  the  terrible  noise  of  their  can- 
non ;  having  rallied,  we  assembled  all  our 
troops  ;  they  prevailed  by  the  superiority  of 
their  arms  ;   shutting  us  up  in  villages,  they 


202  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

besieged,  they  massacred,  they  took  us  cap- 
tive, and  carried  all  before  them,  with  fire  and 
sword.  Regardless  of  royal  majesty,  which 
I  held  of  God,  they  took  my  life.  If  it  is 
right  to  usurp  the  goods  and  estate  of  another, 
why  do  not  subjects  war  against  their  sove- 
reigns ?  Why  do  not  families  seek  the  down- 
fall of  families  ?  Why  do  not  the  wicked  and 
strong  dominate,  the  one  over  the  weak,  and 
the  other  take  away  their  goods  ?  Natural 
right,  which  bestows  every  thing  that  hath  no 
owner,  was  it  upon  the  side  of  the  king  of 
Spain,  or  on  mine,  who  had  received  the  king- 
dom of  Mexico,  as  an  inheritance  from  my 
fathers?  The  civil  law,  which  maintains 
possession,  and  which  protects  legitimate  pro- 
prietors, was  it  in  favour  of  the  king  of  Spain, 
or  in  mine  ?  The  reason  of  all  ages  and  coun- 
tries  accuse  the  Spaniards.  AVe  learn  in 
childhood,  that  we  must  not  do  to  others, 
what  we  would  not  have  them  to  do  to  us ; 
Did  I  carry  war  into  Spain  ?  Why  then  have 
they  brought  it  to  me,  and  that  too,  in  a  coun- 
try where  they  had  experienced  the  cares  of 
liospitality,  to  destroy  a  prodigious  number  of 


I 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL-  203 

men  ?  What  horrible  iiioratituJe !  what  frij^ht- 
ful  injustice  !  what  atrocious  cruelty  !  Luci- 
fer, be  the  avenger  of  one  half  the  world : 
punish  the  Spaniards." 

Fernandez  Cortes  excused  himself  on  the 
score  of  orders  from  the  king,  his  master  :  he 
confessed  that  reason,  humanity,  and  justice, 
spake  by  the  mouth  of  Montezuma ;  but  he 
observed,  that  the  conquests  of  the  Spaniards 
had  instructed  the  Indians  in  the  knov/ledge 
of  the  true  God. 

Upon  that,  Montezuma  cried  out,  that  the 
design  of  the  Spaniards  was  not  to  eradicate 
idolatry  in  America,  but  solely  to  enrich 
Spain,  at  the  expense  of  that  part  of  the 
world  ;  that  this  was  so  true,  that  in  Mexico, 
the  christian  Spaniards  and  their  slaves,  did 
not  compose  more  than  one  hundred  thou- 
sandth part  of  the  inhabitants. 

"What  do  you  desire,"  said  Lucifer,  "  that 
I  should  do  to  the  Spaniards  ?" 

"  I  do  not  demand,"  said  the  prince,  "  to 
be  reinstated  in  my  dominions  ;  some  day, 
perhaps,  one  of  my  descendants,  or  some 
generous  Lidian,  will  deliver  my  country  from 


204  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

the  Spanish  yoke ;  I  wish  only  that  the  Indians 
who  were  killed  in  the  conquest  of  Mexico, 
should  have  the  liberty  to  roast  upon  spits, 
and  eat  their  cruel  enemies ;  and  in  this  man- 
ner my  nation  shall  be  sufficiently  revenged." 

"  We  accord  to  Montezuma,"  said  Lucifer, 
*'the  Spaniards  who  conquered  Mexico,  with 
the  exception  of  the  tailors,  whom  we  reserve 
for  our  own  table." 

After  that  came  an  abbot,  who  took  the  ti- 
tle of  ten  abbeys,  besides  priories,  and  eighteen 
cures.  "  Behold,"  said  Lucifer,  "  an  abbot, 
with  as  many  titles  as  a  Roman  emperor : 
speak,  of  whom  do  you  complain  ?  had  you 
not  a  sufficient  income  to  live  honourably  in 
the  world,  according  to  your  degree  ?  How 
have  you  employed  your  revenue  ?  Play,  wo- 
men, good  cheer,  horses,  dogs,  equipage, 
dress,  and  relations,  have  eaten  it.  You  de- 
mand, without  doubt,  justice  against  the  au- 
thors of  your  ruin :  I  grant  it  amply  and 
promptly.  For  the  mortification  of  your  ene- 
mies, I  surrender  you  to  the  troop  of  beggars 
who  throng  the  avenues  of  my  palace,  and 
who  would  not  have  been  damned,  if,  by  alms 


REF0R3IATI0N  OF  HELL.  205 

which  would  have  cost  you  but  little,  you 
had  removed  from  them  the  necessity  of  be- 
coming thieves  and  robbers  :  go,  learn  in  hell 
to  spend  but  little  yourself." 

The  minettes,  the  bigots,  and  hypocrites, 
demanded  audience.  "  These  are  very  pleasant 
people,"  said  Lucifer  to  Jupiter  ;  "  they  will 
divert  us." 

"  An  Italian  comic  writer,"  said  one  of 
them,  "  has  burlesqued  us,  as  if  it  was  wrong 
to  seem  honest  men  in  the  public  eye.  When 
one  has  not  the  substance  of  virtue,  is  it  re- 
prehensible to  set  a  good  example  ?  It  is  true, 
that  if  our  lives,  hidden  under  this  cloak,  had 
been  exposed,  our  hypocrisy  and  spurious 
piety  would  have  been  easily  detected ;  but 
we  injured  no  person,  and  if  any  one  was 
scandalized  by  our  example,  it  was  for  con- 
science sake." 

The  Italian  writer,  who  happened  to  be 
present,  and  whom  I  had  not  before  perceiv- 
ed, cried  out,  "  satyrists  of  France  and  Italy, 
ourcause  is  common." 

Immediately  there  appeared  a  number  of 
comic  writers,  ranged  under  their  respective 

S 


206  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

masters,  among  whom  I  saw,  with  pleasure, 
Juvenal,  Terence,  Plautus,  Seneca  the  trage- 
dian, and  Greek,  Latin,  and  French  authors, 
ancient  and  modern.  The  writer,  behind 
whom  they  were  ranged,  decried  the  manners 
of  his  age,  and  exposed  the  wickedness  of  hy- 
pocrites, who,  abusing  all  that  is  sacred  in  reli- 
gion, to  deceive  men,  dupe  the  simple,  and 
gain  an  unmerited  reputation.  Who  M^ould 
believe  that  a  man  was  wicked  enough  to  wish 
to  deceive,  at  the  same  time,  both  God  and 
man  ?  This  is  what  hypocrites  do,  when  un- 
der the  veil  of  divine  love,  and  with  an  air  of 
humility,  more  haughty  than  vanity  itself, 
they  conceal  sensual  affections,  hatred  of 
brethren,  and  a  licentious  life,  unknown  but 
to  those  who  participate  in  it. — A  woman 
wishes  to  hide  from  her  husband  an  amorous 
intrigue  ;  she  is  at  her  devotions  in  the  morn- 
ing, and  in  the  evening  still  goes  to  a  lecture, 
where  she  knows  she  shall  see  her  friend. 
Often  the  church  itself  is  the  theatre  of  a  love 
scene — the  preacher,  a  fine  young  man,  wliose 
manners  are  more  fascinating  than  his  dis- 
course. Frequently  some  broad-shouldered  fel- 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  207 

low  sets  at  nought  truth,  chastity,  continence, 
the  money  of  husbands,  and  so  forth.  Affairs 
of  business  are  conducted  on  the  same  princi- 
ple, as  those  of  love.  Who  would  believe 
that  this  devout  man  was  a  usurer :  that  he 
had  possession,  almost  for  nothing,  of  the 
meadow,  the  vineyard,  and  the  house  of  a 
peasant !  Oh,  this  is  a  holy  man  !  he  is  full 
of  conscience  ;  every  day  constantly  at  church, 
his  piety  is  exemplary.  Behold  the  fate  of  a 
hypocrite  :  this  knavery,  is  it  any  thing  but  a 
dead  loss  ?  for  of  what  service  is  it  to  bigots 
to  live  in  such  uneasy  constraint,  if  that  does 
not  procure  them  pleasure,  property,  or  the 
gratification  of  their  vanity  ? 

"  And  I,"  said  a  woman,  "  can  I  be  accused 
of  hypocrisy?  My  virtue,  my  science,  my 
writings,  do  they  not  demonstrate  the  unfeign- 
edness  of  my  devotion  ?  Should  I  be  spoken 
of  in  any  other  way  than  as  Saint  Therese  ? 
Have  I  not  had,  in  that  character,  apparitions, 
visions,  a  spirit  of  prophecy,  and  a  discern- 
ment into  the  heart  and  conscience  ?" 

"  Contemplate,  sirs,"  said  the  satirist,  "the 
people  of  the  spirit,  if  such  a  thing  is  not 


208  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

above  your  comprehension.  What  is  this  but 
to  deceive  the  world  by  spiritual  artifices  ? 
What  is  this  incomprehensible  new  grace  ? 
What  devotee  but  has  possessed  it ;  and  what 
mystick  but  has  held  the  same  language  ? 
Truly,  madam,  grace  is  very  much  obliged  to 
you,  and  fanaticism  owes  you  thanks ;  vi- 
sionaries and  lunaticks  have  gained  their 
causes ;  the  ancient  heretics  and  comforters 
owe  you  a  statue  and  a  chapel." 

Anothei* woman  said,  "I  have  not  had  vi- 
sions ;  but  I  have  experienced  realities  :  I  have 
seen  what  I  thought  I  saw ;  and  if  I  had  any 
devotion  it  was  for  my  directors.  I  had  one 
whom  I  looked  upon  as  my  guardian  angel ; 
I  had  for  him  an  extreme  friendship  ;  I  made 
him  presents  and  he  never  failed  in  any  thing 
towards  me  ;  I  saw  him  every  day,  and  should 
have  preferred  deceiving  my  father  rather  than 
him.  Was  he  sick,  I  suffered  also ;  and  to  solace 
him,  sent  meats,  confections,  fruits,  and  even 
money.  I  was  so  chagrined  at  his  absence 
that  I  could  not  bear  my  own  house  ;  I  be- 
came unquiet,  impatient  and  melancholy ; 
every  thing  vexed  me.    His  superiors  having 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  209 

ordered  his  change,  I  ahnost  expired  with  grief; 
I  wrote  to  him  by  every  mail ;  if  I  received 
not  his  letters,  I  felt  new  sorrow  :  a  thousand 
phantoms  presented  the.mselves  to  my  imagi- 
nation. I  fancied  him  as  bestowing  his  pains 
upon  another  object,  and  thought  that  absence 
and  change  of  residence  had  altered  his  incli- 
nation. He  returned  :  M'hat  rapture  !  I  ran  to 
his  house,  although  in  dishabille  :  on  the  mor- 
row I  was  at  his  feet ;  each  day  of  the  week 
I  go  to  recount  to  him  my  pleasures  and  pains. 
In  the  mean  time  an  honest  man  sought  me 
in  marriage ;  I  consulted  my  director ;  he 
charged  me  to  dismiss  this  man,  who  accord- 
ingly received  his  farewell.  Another  brave 
cavalier  offered  himself  and  received  the  same 
answer.  Behold  me  now  in  my  thirty-fifth 
year  ;  my  director  exhorted  me  to  consecrate 
to  God  my  virginity :  I  retired  to  a  monas- 
tery, but  he  was  not  willing  that  I  should  take 
the  veil.  At  length  he  died ;  I  wept,  I  regret- 
ted him  ;  I  observed  a  nine  days'  devotion  for 
his  death.  When  my  grief  was  assuaged,  I 
reflected  upon  my  age  :  the  time  of  youth  was 
past ;  I  took  the  veil,  contracted  some  amiable 

s2 


210  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

acquaintances,  founded  funeral  obsequies  for 
the  repose  of  my  soul,  bequeathed  my  estate 
to  the  convent,  and  died.  This  is  my  history  ; 
this  is  true  devotion." 

"  And  I,"  said  another  menette,  "  had  no 
such  object  to  fix  my  imagination  ;  I  wore 
invariably  a  modest  dress,  my  veil  always 
drawn  over  my  eyes,  and  sleeves  to  my  very 
hands  :  I  rose  early  in  the  morning  to  go  to 
church,  and  was  constantly  seen  at  all  devo- 
tional exercises ;  for  me  there  was  neither 
parties,  assemblies,  nor  feasts :  I  did  not  attach 
myself  to  my  confessor,  although  often  at  his 
grate.  In  the  mean  time,  I  had  some  good 
friends,  who  went  about  preaching  my  virtue 
far  and  wide,  and  principally  to  those  rich 
men  whom  they  knew  not  to  be  fond  of  gal- 
lantry, and  yet  exceedingly  fearful  of  what 
generally  happens  to  men  of  their  years  after 
marriage.  Your  affair  is  finished,  say  they 
to  the  marrying  men  ;  I  have  discovered  a  girl 
of  superlative  virtue,  who  knows  not  a  single 
man  in  the  world,  and  who  is  so  unsophisti- 
cated with  respect  to  love  matters,  that  she 
does  not  even  know  the  name  of  masculine 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  211 

garments ;  always  engaged  in  her  domestic 
duties ;  without  luxury,  without  vanity,  rich 
withal,  and  beloved  of  her  father.  '  This  is  a 
girl  that  will  exactly  suit  me,'  said  an  opulent 
citizen  with  sixty  years  and  the  gout ;  I  shall 
have  a  nurse  for  the  remainder  of  my  life  ;  1 
will  make  her  fine  presents,  and  after  my 
death  she  shall  have  the  enjoyment  of  my 
estate.'  In  fine,  they  consulted  me  with  re- 
gard to  this  man ;  I  demanded  time  to  deter- 
mine ;  something  unlucky  might  happen  to 
my  virtue  ;  I  asked  light  from  above  ;  heaven 
appeared  favourable  to  this  union.  See  me 
then  espoused ;  I  play  the  innocent,  the  in- 
genuous :  my  husband,  deceived,  felicitates 
himself  in  my  simplicity :  all  this  time  I  se- 
cretly received  the  attentions  of  a  handsome 
young  man  ;  the  more  I  saw  him,  the  stronger 
appeared  my  conjugal  attachment.  Behold 
my  history,  and  discreet  devotion." 

I  saw  still  other  menettes  of  different  charac- 
ters, who  exposed  the  motives  of  their  hypo- 
crisy, and  confessed  that  they  had  no  other  re- 
ligion. These  are  liars,  for  ti'uly  religious  souls 
shun  ostentation  :  true  devotion  is  so  consider- 


212  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

ate,  that  those  who  possess  it  endeavour  to  con- 
ceal it,  to  avoid  being  elevated  in  the  opinion 
of  the  world.  Christian  humility  flies  the  eulo- 
gies of  men :  their  praise  seems  a  danger- 
ous enemy,  which,  in  flattering,  withdraws 
the  heart  from  the  right  way  ;  it  refuses  the 
recompense  due  to  merit,  and  contents  itself 
with  affording  that  good  example,  which  the 
honour  of  virtue  and  religion  demand ;  all 
which,  Jupiter,  in  a  homily  to  the  fanatics, 
set  forth  at  large.  The  following  is  the  decree 
that  was  then  read  and  published  before  this 
great  audience,  in  presence  of  the  demons  and 
the  damned. 

DECREE  OF  LUCIFER. 


(( 


Lucifer,  to  the  legions  of  demons  and 
damned  people  of  hell,  unhappincss,  despair, 
eternal  pains.  In  order  to  the  due  execution 
of  justice  and  vengeance  entrusted  to  our 
hands,  we  will,  ordain,  and  command,  under 
the  severest  penalties  : 

"  First,  that  our  demons  be  always  present 
at  the  tribunals  of  the  world,  whether  secular 
or  canonical ;   that  they  take  care  of  the  ac- 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  213 

count  books  of  merchants  ;  prevent  soldiers 
from  thinking  of  death ;  trouble  the  imagina- 
tion of  fanatics  ;  inspire  mundane  sentiments 
in  those  who  wish  to  enter  holy  orders,  bene- 
fices, and  monasteries  ;  that  they  be  the  confi- 
dants of  intrigues  ;  that  they  repeat  every  day, 
to  wives  and  daughters,  what  a  lovely  young 
man  has  said  to  them  once  only  :  in  fine,  let 
nothing  be  done  in  the  world  ;  let  nothing  be 
transacted  in  the  shops,  bureaus,  academies, 
places  of  commerce,  etc.  at  which  they  shall 
not  be  present ;  and  we  charge  them  to  ren- 
der an  account  to  ourselves  once  a  year. 

'*  Secondly,  we  ordain  them  reporters,  flat- 
terers, go-betweens,  authors  of  discord,  divi- 
sions and  iaw^suits,  under  pain  of  disobedience. 

"  Thirdly,  we  order,  also,  in  the  matter 
which  concerns  those  condemned  to  hell,  that 
the  judgments  we  have  pronounced  against 
them  in  their  causes  be  put  into  immediate 
execution ;  that  all  those  who  have  been  con- 
demned, whether  individually  or  collectively, 
return  to  their  cells,  resume  their  irons,  and 
there  remain  to  all  eternity,  without  hope  of 
solace,  or  change  in  their  sufferings.    Such  is 


214  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

our  will,  and  we  make  no  distinction  in  favour  of 
pagan  gods  and  goddesses,  whom  we  regard  in 
the  same  light  as  other  subjects  of  our  empire." 

When  Lucifer  had  spoken,  his  visage  en- 
tirely changed ;  his  eyes  became  sparkling  like 
two  flambeaus ;  his  nostrils  cast  out  smoke 
mixed  with  fire ;  his  mouth  exhaled  an  in- 
fectious odour ;  his  hands  and  feet  changed  to 
claws ;  from  behind  him  issued  a  long  tail, 
upon  the  end  of  which  was  a  great  button  of 
iron ;  his  ears  were  horns  like  those  of  the 
rhinoceros :  he  spoke  again,  and  his  voice 
sounded  like  the  crash  of  thunder.  This  is 
the  substance  of  what  he  uttered  :  "  Let  these 
places  return  to  their  former  state  ;  let  dark- 
ness pervade  the  whole  region  ;  let  the  prisons 
shut  with  horrid  sound  upon  all  this  infernal 
race ;  let  rage  and  despair  seize  upon  the 
damned ;  let  a  violent  fire  devour  them ;  let 
the  worm  of  remorse  knaw  without  consuming, 
and  let  the  habitude  of  torment  afford  no  solace. 
Go,  miserable  wretches!  obey!  precipitate 
yourselves  into  these  black  retreats !  suffer 
without  expiation !  and  let  my  ears  be  sweetly 


REFORMATION  OF  HELL.  215 

flattered   by  the    sound  of   your    cries    and 
chains !" 

When  Lucifer  had  pronounced  this  terrible 
sentence  my  demon  transported  me  out  of  the 
hall,  and  at  the  same  instant  I  heard  it  and 
the  whole  palace  sink  with  a  horrid  crash. 
Those  crushed  among  the  ruins  uttered  the 
most  lamentable  cries  :  I  then  perceived  an 
immense  volume  of  smoke  ;  after  that  I  found 
mvself  in  the  midst  of  the  field  which  is  at 
the  extremity  of  my  garden,  from  whence  I 
returned  to  my  house,  totally  absorbed  in  the 
contemplation  of  this  vision. — If  the  things 
here  related  did  not  actually  pass  in  hell  as  I 
have  supposed,  the  probability  is,  that  the  fact 
does  not  widely  differ  from  the  representation. 
The  judgments  of  Lucifer  are  there  promptly 
executed,  without  notice  to  the  culprit:  cases 
are  decided  without  advocates  :  no  person  is 
absolved,  for  innocence  never  enters  places 
destined  to  eternal  punishment.  The  fire  of 
hell  exposes  their  perfidious  designs,  their  pas- 
sions and  crimes  ;  it  reveals  all  secrets,  and  sets 
forth  the  reasons  for  which  the  guilty  have 
been  condemned.  The  sight  of  suffering  com- 


216  REFORMATION  OF  HELL. 

panions  affords  no  relief;  it  rather  augments 
their  grief ;  contrary  to  which,  in  the  world, 
egotism  and  corruption  render  them  insensible 
to  the  sufferings  of  another.  The  reformation 
made  by  Lucifer  operates  invisibly  in  the 
commerce  of  men ;  the  demons  and  oar  pas- 
sions are  the  causes  of  the  disorder  and  injus- 
tice that  prevail  in  society.  Oh  !  if  it  was 
possible  for  each  one  really  to  behold  what  is 
here  only  imagined,  how  soon  would  they 
abandon  their  careless  manner  of  life  !  But 
ought  we  to  be  more  wicked  because  we  have 
less  fear  ?  Let  us  think,  let  us  think  upon  the 
other  world  ;  let  us  seriously  reflect  upon  our 
latter  end ;  if  that  offers  us  happiness  and  rap- 
ture, let  us,  by  perseverance,  endeavour  to 
attain  it ;  but  if,  on  the  contrary,  we  anticipate 
unhappiness  and  anguish,  let  us  spare  no 
pains  to  escape  so  direful  a  doom ;  let  the 
aspect  of  hell  contribute  to  the  reformation  of 
our  manners,  and  be  so  impressed  upon  our 
minds  as  to  be  the  means  of  our  salvation 
from  the  greatest  of  all  evils. 

THE  END. 


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